Not a typical mother and a weird person

[again2020]

I wanted to get this down. It's a bit of a rant, sorry. Maybe relationships isn't the correct board, I was unsure.

I'm not a naturally maternal or motherly type. Nor am I homely. I don't know what the opposite of homely is, but that's me. I guess I'm a free spirit. I used to rent a lot. I don't have many possessions such as furniture etc. I love running and being outside. It was cool when I was young but now I have a mortgage, partner and child (DD of 3).
I went back to work 4 days when she was 9 months old. I love my job. I have some good friends, I still like nights out and gigs (before covid!), I like going on holiday. I love days out.
I would never be contented staying at home so knew I could never be a SAHM. I had bad post natal depression and wanted to go back to work. I'm still getting over the shock of having a child and DD is 3.3!
She's brilliant and we do loads together. Painting, baking, playing and I can't wait for softplay to reopen. I think I'm a good mother but some people around me seem to think I'm not.
My SIL has a baby of 10 months and has given up her job. She is thought highly of by my partners family and MIL as better than me for this. She has barely left the house in the last year ( I know- a lot due to Covid) but has no plans and is happy to stay at home day in day out with her baby. By her own admission she has few friends and likes it that way.
In addition, both my SILs very homely and always have an 'interior design head' on and constantly thinking of decorating and DIY and cleaning. I don't. Why not? It's just not something that interests me. We have a nice house and I keep it clean. But it's not fun to me. I'm not massively into soft furnishings and always thinking about 'house stuff'. I'm quite minimal. Is this weird? Lots of women (and men) I know seem to think a lot about the house and it a hobby.

I do the bulk of the housework though. Ironing, washing up, mopping, bins, hoovering and clean bathrooms and toilets. My MIL always points to jobs I have missed ..such as yesterday it was bleaching DDs bathmat. I wouldn't have thought of this. Why not? My partner says it's because I am busy with work and don't take enough care. But I clean the house every week and I do my best.

I feel like compared to a lot of people in my life I'm quite weird as I have other interests and a different personality. My MIL and SILs, as well as a lot of friends seem to be very 'homely' or natural maternal types.
Thoughts? If you've made it this far and have an opinion or are like me let me know!
Am I really weird?

Who even bleaches a bath matt...I stick mine in the washing machine.

Anyway, you're not weird, totally normal and thank god, wouldn't the world be an incredible bore if everyone were like your SIL? Being a SAHM mum is fairly rare, almost all the mums I know and at my children's primary school are working parents, farmers, midwives, nurses, geographers.

We cant all be Huns and have a live laugh love house.
You sound fine to me. Better than fine

Haven't read every post but I have felt exactly like you at times but these feelings definitely faded once my children got older and their personalities really developed. I think myself it's important to get the foundational things pretty right - decent food, decent sleep, a feeling of being cared for and living in a real home - but the interpretation of what those are will vary quite a bit. But once those are there, then I definitely think you should be yourself which sounds pretty great and fun and full of life. Enjoy your child and enjoy yourself because life is short and I'd far rather raise a child who sees being a grown up as an adventure and something to be looked forward to than some duty filled grind where bleaching bath maths was of the same importance as spending two hours in the woods. A balanced life is what's important, you seem to demonstrate and live that

Always be yourself, the important thing is your all happy. Enjoying life, the house is clean and safe. Rock on! Sod the extended family, what are they missing in life to have to comment on yours?

If your dd is fed, clean and feels loved you're a great mother. Everything else is personal to you. You sound ace. Personally I'm usually up some scaffolding building my house, while my children enjoy a regime of benign neglect (pile of rubble to play on anyone?). I collect them from school (back in the day) in dusty overalls, none of the other mums are doing that, I don't care. I did remove a fly from the ceiling of my hut (our accommodation) yesterday but only because it was waving in the breeze and I couldn't ignore it any more. I don't even have a bathmat but if I did it wouldn't be getting bleached at all often.
I am not homely, rarely look well presented, I do cook but I love good food so that's selfish reasons really, and the kids don't think only daddy puts shelves up.
So I'll join you in weird and not a natural home maker in the Stepford wives sense. But that's what makes the world interesting isn't it. Your MIL sounds like her outlook on life is rather narrow, has she experienced very little of the world?

You sound acers I would be mates with you. We could take our children to soft play and ignore them together haha!

I haven't read the whole thread but

She's brilliant and we do loads together. Painting, baking, playing and I can't wait for softplay to reopen.

To me these things are what a child appreciates, not having a house which is decorated to impress others, you actually sound like you have your priorities in order and are a good mum

And going out socialising is important, you need to remain who you are before being a mum to be a good mum

I do the bulk of the housework though. Ironing, washing up, mopping, bins, hoovering and clean bathrooms and toilets.

Wait, what - you IRON?! Yup, you are definitely wierd.

I would drop that shit pronto - people aren't flat, so why do they need flat clothes?

And in all seriousness, if you work outside the home, why are you doing the bulk of the housework? Get your DH to step up and quit comparing yourself to others - we are all running our own race and there are no winners.

My partner says it's because I am busy with work and don't take enough care

How much housework does your partner do?

Op, have the confidence to be who you want to be and stuff everyone else's opinion

Sounds to me like you have a dh and in-law problem. What gives them the right to judge your house? Do you stand up to them when they criticise? Why isn't your DH backing you up? When they say anything, just state calmly and clearly "thanks but I have different priorities".

The type of personality that you describe of your in-laws is my idea of hell personally. I'd rather hang out with you

@again2020

My MIL always points to jobs I have missed ..such as yesterday it was bleaching DDs bathmat. I wouldn't have thought of this. Why not? My partner says it's because I am busy with work and don't take enough care.

If this matters so much for MIL and your partner they are entirely free to do this themselves, surely?

Actually MIL should butt out and your partner should be more supportive. 🌹

Bleaching the bathmat is a terrible idea. What will happen to all those lovely psychadelic colours?

You sound ace OP, just keeping being you and don't listen to any of it

Next time your MiL "helpfully" points out something that she feels is not up to scratch just shrug and say "oh that's dh's job, you should tell him". Rinse and repeat.

Tbh my mother was like this (and I was a SAHM ). We argued about it quite a lot then I told her to do whatever it was if it bothered her so much and we rubbed along like that (only w cleaner skirting boards).