Bloke who doesn't work - would this put you off?

[eatsleepread]

Hi. I joined a dating site a few days ago. I've been chatting to a bloke who seems nice, and last night we actually spoke on the phone for an hour. It went ok, and we had plenty to talk about. I'm still not sure and will just see how it goes (seasoned dater here!).
He asked me what I do for a living; I replied in kind. He told me that he used to do plastering & decorating with another chap, but he gave it up last year when the chap retired. Since then, he has been a carer to his school-aged daughter (an only child) who has diabetes. This isn't on a full-time basis, as care is split with her mother. His daughter keeps very well generally health wise. He says that he is better off financially now, and that he is in no rush to get back to work.
I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I don't think I like it. I've never been with a man who doesn't work, and I myself come from a hard-working family, where we're all in full-time employment. Some values, instilled in childhood, are hard to walk away from I guess.
He is also an hour and a half away, and I'm just not sure it's going to be worth it.
He was out walking today, while I was in a boiling hot classroom
Would you have respect for a partner who chooses not to work? I'm not sure I should persevere with this one.
I'm sorry if I sound judgemental. I'm trying not to be, but it's hard. 😬
Thanks.

From personal experience, keep well away from this man. I had a partner who was "creative". He wrote screenplays that were always rejected. He lived off me and then left for a woman with more money.

No, I could have zero respect for someone like this on any aspect of my life. Assuming his daughter is not shielding during Covid that is. If he's spent the just looking after her, that's slightly different.

That said, his attitude about not working in future is still vile to me. I couldn't be with someone like that - I couldn't see any future with someone who doesn't want to make any effort in life.

No. It’s unattractive and it’s different lifestyles. It sounds like he can work but chooses not to. Lots of people work who have 50/50 custody

He's currently using his child as a cash cow out looking on the internet for a woman to be a cash cow with sex and domestic work thrown in 🤣

You have doubts and that is enough to say no.

I have always attracted men who don’t work (probably because I always had a steady job and income) and they don’t change.

No way.

No way.

Unless he has a generous trust fund or has just inherited enough to see him through to retirement.

I struggled enough last year when my DH was furloughed for a month!

I'm a single parent who receives no financial help from my daughters father. I have always worked and I work full time now.. I would have no respect for a man like this.
The only non working person scenario I agree with is the SAHP type because that's equally as much as a full time job than employment.
I'd be swiping left if this was me.

I was a bit but wanted to keep the benefit of the doubt, which is why I enquired about his daughter's health generally. My thinking was that if she didn't keep well, I could better understand his decision not to work. But he said the diabetes hasn't affected her too much at all. He did say that he would start to look for something once normality resumed, but he gave up the P&D last year!

It depends...if he has a fully paid off house, has a passive income stream / is financially independant, has savings, and had a pension built up, then its fine.

If he is just sitting at home scraping money off others or relying on benefits, then hell no.

And equally if you're physically and mentally unable to work.
This guy is just lazy.

Errrm no. Absolutely wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole.

And quite passive too I think. Giving up work because his boos retired.
He doesn't like the town where he lives, but stays there for his daughter.
I guess I'm attracted to driven men.

No way. I wonder whether his ex works.

boss

He’s a waster. Run away before he spends all your money.

I'd be saying.
"it's not me.. It's you"

I honestly would be that daft My hard-earned is for me and my kids!

He sounds like a lazy loser.

wouldn't be that daft. Not sure what's going on with me or my phone today.

Nope. Throw this one back. And anyone who's what a friend and I used to call 'geographically undesirable', lives too far away.

So how does he support his child? I’m guessing his ex could write a book on it.

Honestly, if I had a garden full of fannies, I wouldn’t let this dope look over the wall.

I don't care if someone is working or not necessarily. I do care if they can manage financially. And I do care about whether they have the same values as me.

So in this case, I'd be okay with the not working if he genuinely is okay financially. But I might have an issue if he doesn't work because he's lazy and that feeds through into other aspects of his life. He sounds very passive which for me would definitely be a turn off.

Someone working unpaid in some form is fine - there might be many legit reasons why not. Someone disabled and unable to work full time - there might be a decision to make on whether you can handle it; having lost one partner to suicide after years of illness, im not prepared to have a partner with serious MH problems again, I don't have it in me.

Someone who's not doing anything much for no apparent reason - erm, no.