Bloke who doesn't work - would this put you off?

[eatsleepread]

Hi. I joined a dating site a few days ago. I've been chatting to a bloke who seems nice, and last night we actually spoke on the phone for an hour. It went ok, and we had plenty to talk about. I'm still not sure and will just see how it goes (seasoned dater here!).
He asked me what I do for a living; I replied in kind. He told me that he used to do plastering & decorating with another chap, but he gave it up last year when the chap retired. Since then, he has been a carer to his school-aged daughter (an only child) who has diabetes. This isn't on a full-time basis, as care is split with her mother. His daughter keeps very well generally health wise. He says that he is better off financially now, and that he is in no rush to get back to work.
I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I don't think I like it. I've never been with a man who doesn't work, and I myself come from a hard-working family, where we're all in full-time employment. Some values, instilled in childhood, are hard to walk away from I guess.
He is also an hour and a half away, and I'm just not sure it's going to be worth it.
He was out walking today, while I was in a boiling hot classroom
Would you have respect for a partner who chooses not to work? I'm not sure I should persevere with this one.
I'm sorry if I sound judgemental. I'm trying not to be, but it's hard. 😬
Thanks.

Personally, no. I wouldn't. I need somebody who shares my values. Shared values are fundamental IMO

I have dated unemployed men before. It was generally a mistake.

I have 2 close family members who are Type 1 Diabetic and my DH has type 2 diabetes so I am a bit side eyed at a man who uses part time care of a diabetic school age child as a reason not to work.

He's a lazy arse.

No, I wouldn't. Ambition and motivation are sexy traits.

I dated a gorgeous man once who was 28 and unemployed for 3 years. No good reason. I found it embarrassing and made up to my friends he was a novel writer (sort of almost true, with zero £). We broke up because I wanted to travel abroad a bit with him and he couldn't because he had to sign on every couple of weeks. We just wanted different things out of life.

Someone who was very temporarily out of work but clearly had a history of working and was being proactive looking for work and seemed like the kind of person employers would like......fine.

Long term not working or not seeming interested or being proactive about it, then no I wouldn't be interested.

No I would run for the hills OP. The only thing I could think of that would possibly make me reconsider (apart for child's health concerns)would be if he is pretending to have made a conscious decision to be on the Dole but the truth is that he is ashamed to say he can't find any work. It is becoming increasingly hard to find work and I mean any work ,in parts of the country . It's becoming grim out there . Even what is classed as easy to find jobs like shelf stacker ,cleaning is not so easy to find. I still wouldn't put myself in the position to date him ,maybe say you'll wait until his situation is more settled , if that's the case.

Why not be a full-time parent/carer if you don't earn more than on benefits.
I wouldn't work if I didn't have to!
I don't think there's any value to work just for the sake of working

Luckily for the workshy there are enough of us gullible taxpayers to "work for the sake of working" and fund the benefits system. (Disclaimer: I appreciate the difference between workshy and genuinely in need.)

And so many jobs are bullshit jobs. You're not automatically a better person because you work full time
True, but someone choosing not to work and pay their way because they'd rather sponge off someone else indefinitely open questions about their ethics and overall life outlook.

Just for clarity, I'm talking about the OP's situation.

If people choose to allocate childcare/earning in their family in a way that works for them then I have no issue there. That's a household decision based on what they can afford.

This man seems to have a healthy dose of aspiring cocklodger about him.

No. Sounds like you are a single mum with kids. Who works.

What makes him so special that he doesn't need to? I had 3 under 3 when I got divorced, and I worked full time (as do many women).

I'd never want to be with a man who decided he was better off with the taxpayer keeping him. It's not acceptable.

"True, but someone choosing not to work and pay their way because they'd rather sponge off someone else indefinitely open questions about their ethics and overall life outlook."

I have a quiet job so I don't see how I'm morally superior to someone else getting money for not much.