To ditch this new OLD guy

[littleloopylou]

I found him interesting, unlike the vast majority of men online/men.

We've been chatting a fair amount and I've been enjoying it. All just interesting and fun chat, nothing dirty or gross.

Tonight I said "have I told you about (some thing)? I think I have?"

I often worry about repeating boring things to various people. This was something very benign that I had sent to a couple of friends.

He quipped (??) "No, that's the other guy"

My instantaneous response is "fuck you then!" (Not what I said! But def what I thought!)

Unfair to write him off?

If it was just a quip then yes, massive overreaction on your part! I’ve been with DP for years and he’ll still joke that it must have been my other boyfriend when I ask if I told him xyz

Please write him off, he deserves someone with a sense of humour.

Sounds like just a joke! Don’t worry about it.

Poor guy !

Mm you are going to struggle if you write people off that quickly!

@VinylDetective I've come out of an abusive relationship and I'm on my guard. Hence the question. I'm asking whether people think this could actually be funny. It just seems a bit rude though? Like can't we just pretend that this is an interaction between two people without bringing weird unfounded jealousy into and trying to throw someone off balance?

I think you're massively over-reacting tbh and if you're offended by something as innocuous as that you're not going to see eye to eye.

To answer your question, it's not rip-roaringly funny, its a daft, ice-breaking joke which I think most people would not find offensive.

If you've been in an abusive relationship your position is more understandable but I think you have to develop a thicker skin.

To be honest it sounds as if you're not really ready for OLD which can be far, far more brutal than this.

Like can't we just pretend that this is an interaction between two people without bringing weird unfounded jealousy into and trying to throw someone off balance?

I have no idea what this even means. Sleep well.

weird unfounded jealousy into and trying to throw someone off balance

I think you should ditch him because o don't think you're ready to date. He sounds fine, he made a joke. An appropriate response is "oh yes, the one with the large penis / the rich one / the funny one!! and a laugh.

I get why you’re wary but I think that was a harmless joke and would suggest the opposite of a jealous controlling type to me - he sounds pretty relaxed if he thinks it’s funny you might have got him mixed up with another chat buddy.

It was a joke 🙄

He hasn't brought in weird unfounded jealousy. He was being funny in his eyes and would have thought nothing of it, a throwaway comment.

Personally I don't like that kind of humour, but that's all it is, crap humour.

Write him off if you feel a personality mismatch, but don't write him off because you've taken a throwaway comment to a different level due to past experience.

Good luck

@thepeopleversuswork

It's entirely possible I'm not ready!

I'm kind of afraid that I will miss red flags.

He's seemingly fairly inoffensive and nice otherwise so maybe I will keep chatting to him. He already knows I'm going through a divorce so I suppose he should be expecting me to be a bit sensitive anyway. (But maybe I should question his judgement on that basis alone!)

@VinylDetective what I meant is that it seemed like a way to throw me off balance and put me on the back foot

I now see most people find it harmless. I will review the messages here again tomorrow because I do indeed need some sleep!

@picknmix1984

Mm you are going to struggle if you write people off that quickly!

Exactly what I was going to say.

@SleepingStandingUp haha those are all brilliant! Yes, would have been far better to say any of these things

He was totally joking. It sounds like he has a nice sense of humour x

[quote littleloopylou]@SleepingStandingUp haha those are all brilliant! Yes, would have been far better to say any of these things [/quote]
DH and I have a long running joke about Steve, my secret affair guy. It's funny because he knows I wouldn't and because he's the least jealous guy ever. But we both know it's a joke.

The red flag I guess comes in the tone - harder on text than phone obv

Do you have anyone in RL who has what seems like a good healthy relationship that you could kind of sense check with?
I have a friend who's choice in men was so abysmal than when a decent one came along, she kinda needed to check in of X was ok, was Y him being funny etc. Erm no he's being nice and normal. It can be disconcerting

My husband and I still joke like this now! Hope you can overcome your difficulties

@SleepingStandingUp

Most of my friends' partners seem like tools tbh! Maybe doesn't help.

But I can see someone indulgently smiling over this and letting it go. It seems I should do the same.

I already told him that I thought it was a rude comment, so perhaps he will write me off as mental.

You told him the joke was rude? I was just going to say my DH would say this, it's a bit of a dad joke..

[quote littleloopylou]@SleepingStandingUp

Most of my friends' partners seem like tools tbh! Maybe doesn't help.

But I can see someone indulgently smiling over this and letting it go. It seems I should do the same.

I already told him that I thought it was a rude comment, so perhaps he will write me off as mental.[/quote]
What did he say when you said it was rude?

@smellyolddog we were just having a nice chat and he said this! It's probably a sign of insecurity plus a joke. (A dad joke from a man who's not a dad!)

But I was very annoyed that he interrupted a nice chat that way. He had my full attention and we are just texting at present.

@SleepingStandingUp

"I'm sorry. Seriously, a bad effort to be funny."