Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@UtterSocks thanks :) I hope she is around the corner too - although the way it's been going, she keeps turning another corner as I get there, or is hiding in an alleyway!

For chat I think the key thing is to have an icebreaker in the profile

@SpringlikeBunk what does that mean? I’m almost afraid to ask...

Think it refers to a video doing the rounds a while back where two kids were filming and their mother comes in shouting about someone doing a shit and not flushing 😂 their horrified faces were so funny

The gentleman seeking to woo a lady via the Bumble application thought that using the emoticon for a “heap of human excrement” and asking “who did it?” was an ideal way to show his sense of humour.

(that said I’ve heard about selfies with visible unflushed toilets, so I guess it could be worse...)

We really are exposed to the dregs of humanity sometimes. Impressed as ever with your date volume cat - your profile is clearly excellent and reflects the fabulous human being you are. Good luck today. And tomorrow.

My date with Mr Nuclear is finally planned - he found a park and sent me the coordinates. Part of me hopes we don't hit it off as we live so far apart, I live with my kids and don't want to tell them about dates so have to pretend I'm on a long walk with a friend if I want to see him. But I'm a lockdown date walk virgin so feel like I should have something to tell the grandkids about.

I was thinking the same about @TheCatWithTheHat you seem to have a lot of action on the date front!

@WeWantTheFinestWines I had to make excuses for my kids too (though he now comes over when mine are asleep, they're young enough to stay in bed), wondering how long is the norm for telling/meeting the kids.

Mr M asked if he could tell his kids about me if they asked (they've heard us on the phone), but they've not asked yet and accepted the 'I'm on the phone to my friend' explanation. This is the first time I've had children to consider on either sides.

Oh god, I am indeed sorry I asked 🤮

frankie my kids are young teens and their DF lives here too so there's no scope for post-bedtime shenanigans here! That's why I have to have an iron with their own place, which at my age is luckily not that difficult (I'm in my 50s). It took a few months before I told the kids about my most recent ex and I only told them because things were going really well until he dumped me. So it will be a while before I tell them about anyone else. That makes distance really important. I had an iron who lived locally - I'd go to his place after the kids were in bed and sneak home before they woke up! It was quite exciting and a bit like being a teenager myself. Couldn't do that with someone over an hour away though.

Put my social big girl pants on and politely cancelled the guy I was thinking of meeting today

the location thing just freaked me out too much (tinder said he was really close to me, but he said in his messages he was coming in/staying in hotels for work

looking at his profile again there’s quite heavy hints for physical intimacy and he’s got a transient sounding job.

I think that’s where dating has got draining for me in the past - meeting people I’m only half-interested in or ignoring little red flags “for the sake of meeting new people and getting out” and then it just builds up?

And sort of justifying it by seeing myself as some confident sociable city lady playing the numbers game and experiencing all walks of life but actually I’m happy enough doing my own thing

So thus far I’ve got MrPM I’m genuinely interested in meeting,

quite a few random chats I’m not that enthusiastic about (some quite terse or non communicative like they’re expecting me to do all the work).

(I didn’t swipe on poo guy so I don’t get to experience any of his charms)

Happy Birthday Cat!

Strange evening last night, had one like on Hinge who seemed quirky and interesting personality wise but I picked up that he was Aspergers, like my ex. I wasnt sure i was even attracted but I explained my history. He still seems keen to keep in contact and wanted to have a video chat today. The bored me wants to say yes but the other side thinks I can't do this all again, with the Aspergers side. I hate to taint people with the same brush but it spelt the end of my last relationship.

Happy Birthday Cat

I have a couple of chats, I'm being kind, polite and communicative, but I'm not trying to push anything forward.

I'm still reeling from the Mr Hometown back off. I have so many things to say. It's probably ill advised but fuck it, I'm sick of putting up walls to pretend I don't care, and just go round in cycles of, oh they did X so convention says i should block and move on. Im sick of blocking and moving on, I've got 2 years of dating resentment building up and up because I just lick my wounds, build a wall and pretend I don't care. I do care, he did the thing that his last relationship did to him, because he sees it as a protective spell.

So I've decided I'm going to write a letter. I won't expect a response and won't write it like I am. I will use it to get all the thoughts that are whizzing round my head out. I will call him out on his bullshit, in a polite way. He may never read it. So be it.

@TheCatWithTheHat

@cravingthelook I've pondered letters in the past but I always thought it wouldn't make any difference. People just want to forget how shit they treat others and pretend you're the nutcase.

I don't care if he thinks I'm a nut case. It actually changes nothing for me if he does.
He might just think twice before he does the same again.
Or he might just realise that there's someone out the that cared enough to say a proper goodbye.
He might do none of these things.

But writing a letter may stop me ruminating. Right now that would be good.

My most recent ex wrote me a letter last year. It didn't say anything bad, but it felt like a performance review by my manager, and also felt like he had to have the last word. I'm sure it made him feel better but it had very little impact on me other than being glad I'd ended the relationship!

Happy birthday cat🎁🎶🥂

100% with you @cravingthelook. It doesn’t matter if it makes no difference to them. You feel better for not keeping quiet, and you have improved the universe for calling out poor behaviour. Win win 💐

@Thecatwiththehat
Happy Birthday

@TheCatWithTheHat Happy birthday!

@Mayzee what part of Ireland are you from? I'm from Donegal...hello!

Happy Birthday Cat! Hope your dates go well this weekend.

Mr Spreadsheet is doing my head in a bit...he's lovely but wants to talk all day long ! I got another couple of photos too and I'm not sure what I reckon. This could all go very wrong.

Why is this so difficult, one extreme to the other. They either ghost you or stalk you 😁

Happy birthday @TheCatWithTheHat . Have a lovely sunny one 🎉🎊

craving even if you don't send anything, writing it all down will be therapeutic.

banghead feast or famine, so true and so frustrating.

Mr Nuclear was perfectly pleasant and the walk was beautiful but there were no sparks at all. Which I realised as soon as I got out of the car. That makes for an awkward time. It helped when we started discussing politics and I was in my comfort zone. He also lives in a house share. So all in all, not for me. And I don't like walking dates. They're just weird.

I wrote in my note book this morning the kind of thing I'd write in a letter. I still just can't wrap my head around everything just now. I guess I just need to take time.

He just messaged, just a check in, asking about my week, said he still hasn't been invited for a jab and saying he hopes I'm ok. I've only read on preview. I won't open the message just yet. I don't know how to pitch my reply. Maybe he just needed time out. Or maybe he missed me. That's the point. Before last week I never doubted at all. I took his communication at face value.

What do you guys think?

@cravingthelook - perhaps tell him that? It’s really hard isn’t it, he might have been having some sort of wobble. What was the tone of the message?

Happy birthday @TheCatWithTheHat