Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well I'm definitely going to get a cat. Decision made as I found the second mouse of the year in the trap.

I did get one march last night on Bumble. Even more amazing, she messaged almost straight away. I responded but never heard anything back.

@Slothmomma Sorry the ghoster was a twat.

There is no excuse in the world for ghosting someone a second time. Block and delete asap.

I find the opposite with Bumble - even when I match with someone, the matches usually expire without her getting in touch. From my marathon swiping session last night, I had 8 matches - 3 of whom sent me a message. 5 have expired.

Of those 3, 1 was simply "hi", the other two didn't give me a huge amount to go on, but I gave it my best shot. I haven't heard back from any since though.

My replies tend to be along the lines of "Hi xyz, it's great to match. I see you like turtle racing - what's the best turtle race you've been to?". That's not too off-putting is it?

My walking date today was nice enough, but didn't look quite like her photos and I didn't really feel it. My date for Saturday is still responding, but only once or twice a day although she's quite funny so seems interested still. I may also have a potential walking date for Sunday!

As for talking dirty - a little flirting is fine, but it just feels weird to do much more than that before I've met someone. I enjoy doing it, and I've been told I'm good with my words - but I only feel comfortable talking about sex with an iron or sending nude photos once we've slept with each other.

I find the opposite with Bumble - even when I match with someone, the matches usually expire without her getting in touch. From my marathon swiping session last night, I had 8 matches - 3 of whom sent me a message. 5 have expired.

This certainly seems typical to me.

I also would not even consider sending nudes to anyone, even if I'd had sex with them. Just close your eyes and remember... I would hate to think of any photos being out there in exes' phones. Equally, I have no interest in dick pics, even if it's a dick I've known and enjoyed. It's all about the context and the person attached to the dick. Or vag.

I'm finding the logistics of a walking date really offputting. Mr Nuclear and I are meant to meet in a town neither of us knows as it's the midpoint between us. I know I know, breaking the rules... but I've been vaccinated and we are both tested regularly. But I'm wondering if parks and car parks are closed and will we end up wandering through an empty town centre or do we just find an area of green stuff on Google maps and hope it's walkable? Has anybody else had to negotiate virgin territory on a lockdown date?

It's not against any rules to meet up as long as it's for exercise, which a walk is.

The "guidelines" say to stay local where possible, the law says nothing about that so no rules being broken.

And no, to virgin territory. I love walking so I expect a walking date to be a few miles and all the men I have met have had an idea in mind of where we'll go.

We're an hour and a half apart so are both driving 45 mins, which isn't very local.
I'm going to let him suggest something. I prefer a man who shows some initiative anyway, so this is a good time to see what he's like.

Well, there are apps for that sort of thing @WeWantTheFinestWines - ‘AllTrails’ and ‘Komoot’ to name two, if you want to have a backup plan.

If you don’t want to get muddy, architecture tour ? estate agents windows and buy yourselves a house ?

I agree walking dates are not always the easiest, hopefully soon it will be easier to meet up and date.
I’m currently off all the apps as I’m so jaded with it all.
Last potential iron MrTesla seemed very promising until every message seemed to be innuendo laden and I had to think very carefully what I wrote as every message he managed to make sexual.

I’m not sure I like Bumble and messaging first I usually just say Good Morning/evening Irons name, thank you for matching with a smile emoji. Then it’s up to them if they want to pursue the messaging.
It’s all such a minefield though.

I’m worried that once the restrictions are lifted I won’t be able to blame my bad luck dating on Covid and realise it’s just me that attracts the nutters not lockdown 😂

Thanks hairy - I'll check those out. It's going to be sunny so I'd prefer a nature walk. Or maybe we'll just window shop jewellers and choose a ring 🤣

so my iron who I was supposed to be giving things a go with (known him a while) said he had some family stuff going on last time I saw him. things were OK then I didn't hear for almost a week. he has been in touch now to say a close family member has passed away and he's not dealing with it well and doesn't want to talk about it, and he needs time (obviously) ☹.

I'm off all apps. totally scunnered with it all. was really hoping to give it a proper go with him.

@crazycatlady20 sorry it hasn't worked out for you this time round

@crazycatlady20, it's very difficult when someone you feel connected to and had hopes for takes a step back. The reason is beyond your control and that's leading to you feeling powerless. I would let him know that you understand it's a difficult time for him - obviously - and that you are there if he should want to chat , and then step away for a while.
As for being off the apps that really depends how you are feeling. You're clearly feeling fed up today but maybe in a few days or a week or two you might feel more inclined to get back out there. As your iron has taken himself out of circulation, unless you feel you owe him some loyalty or feel that you were in a RS I would treat myself as single and proceed accordingly.

Sorry @crazycatlady20, I read that back and not sure if it sounds a bit harsh. If you and he had decided to give it a go then of course you may not feel it's right to walk away and resume life on the apps. Does it feel like he has left you in limbo ? saying he doesn't want to speak about it makes it very difficult for you. Maybe in a few days once he has got over the initial shock he may make contact. I was in a new RS when my DF passed away but I was grateful for my guy to be around and so I didn't feel the need for space.

Ah @Slothmomma bad luck on the ghoster. It is always particularly galling when you give someone a second chance and they fuck up twice. I have been prompted to flame people for this before but now I tend to back off at the slightest sign of flakiness.

@TheCatWithTheHat you truly sound like a prince among men. I’m sure the right woman is around the corner for you ...

@WeWantTheFinestWines I must admit I don’t like walking dates at all. Tramping around side by side in the cold so you barely make eye contact or get a look at them. When it is warm I always try to turn them into “walk for a bit then sit on a blanket with a beer” dates 😂. I’m not lazy either, I’m a demon exerciser. I just have no patience with it.

@crazycatlady20 sorry about your iron. It’s hard isn’t it when they are going through something, you have nowhere to go with it apart from to respect that and step back. Did you leave it open to resume things when he feels better or not?

thanks. yeah that's basically what I've said to him. I feel a bit bad for thinking be had ghosted me, I'd taken a step back myself so said I wasn't chasing in an earlier post, now I feel bad that I didn't ask of everything was OK.

if I don't hear from him I might check in next week. I do feel a sense of loyalty as we spoke most of last year altho things werent great the last few months.

I don't want to go back on the apps, even if he didn't want to take it further.

@uttersocks he isn't very chatty via text even normally. I asked if he wanted me to keep in touch and he replied saying he just needs time. 🤷‍♀️

Not sure if it’s a lockdown or a life stage thing (like I haven’t got social FOMO any more?) but not many of my matches/messages are really that appealing? Like I just cba.

MrPM and I are on WhatsApp. I did some checking and he is who he says he is and he is still MrPerfect Match but also it’s all up in the air till we meet.

I’m waiting on some big work news and he’s suggested taking me out to celebrate though if it goes tits up not sure sure 🤔

Provisionally agreed a walk coffee with someone tomorrow. Literally haven’t exchanged many messages BUT I’m a bit puzzled about location - he says he’s going to be driving in but tinder says he’s closer than that?

We haven’t even flirted so not sure what’s going on there - I don’t really care I’m not planning to get it on but I don’t want to be in a weird situation

Baffling Bumble exchange, makes me wonder why they bother:

Him: I see you are a gig fan lol (note, I have people randomly putting lol at the end of sentences)
Me: yes, though obviously none last year, not sure I can remember what they are, I tend to go to see just the one band. Did you get to many gigs pre 2020?
Him: no sorry I'm not a party animal, gigs are not really my thing lol

My instinctive reply is 'oh go away then' - not because I love gigs and need someone to go with me, but because it makes him sound so deathly boring and also, why ask, have you no concept of how a conversation works.

I'd say bin him purely because of inappropriate use of lol vangogh

So he started a conversation about a topic that after one sentence he ends because he's not interested in that topic?! Some people are genuinely incapable of holding a decent conversation aren't they.

It's the "lol" at the end of every sentence which would put me off but yes he really seems to lack conversation. Once he has said that he's not into gigs, he should have continued with what he is into.

Again though, "lol" at the end of every sentence would be a deal-breaker for me. It sounds like the sort of thing that a 14 year old might do.

Yep, the lol just stopped it dead for me.

And yes, he brought it up.

My post should have said "I hate...", not "I have", though clearly it's both.

Next!

I think some people just lack the ability to converse. I've had a few like that. I have cats, and it's mentioned on my profile - I had someone message me saying they don't like cats, and another that told me they have a dog who doesn't like cats. I'm not sure they've really grasped the concept!

Another one made me laugh - on her profile she said something about the most important thing being good conversation. So I sent her a thoughtful message, referring to something in her profile and asking a question so she could easily respond. All I got back was "hi". I'd love to think she was being ironic, but I fear not.

I had another walk in the park date yesterday - happy to report it wasn't freezing cold, and I discovered another nice park not too far from me. But although it was a nice walk, there was no spark so I've said thanks but no thanks, and she's agreed she felt the same.

I've got another date (with Miss Stole) tomorrow (another day, another park) and I rather like this one - her humour is quite similar to mine I think, so I'm looking forward to seeing her. Then Sunday I have a park date with Miss Lech who reminds me of Miss H in some ways, so I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.