Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@sleepybunk I do the same! The thrill of a flirt and a chat soon wears off when they're all weird or can't hold a convo lol

Lol @havecourage8bekind

Thus far my perfect match looks my type, is polite, and has “got” two of my cultural references even though they’re European and it’s a second language. Good job and I know what it’s about so they aren’t bullshitting, and they live in the cool area of town.

And they’ve complimented me nicely without being too OTT

So, next it’s...

• I’m still married? It’s fine but we do share a bed
• want to hear my sex fantasy about having a fire extinguisher shoved up my arse?
• want a photo of my cock?
• just a big standard disappearing act

-

@sleepybunk I've got my bets on a trusty dick pic!

@SleepyBunk - you can send either of your ex irons my way ☺️

I had an impromptu video call chat with a new hinge iron. He was nice, planning a walk next weekend.

I know I just need time. Do not rushing it. I need to heal from mr HT ... the twat.

@DdraigGoch yes I saw the photo floating around Facebook!
Kudos to the guy for working with what was available.

I remember a while back there was a video going around of a man who was doing an online interview and his toddler came wandering in followed a few seconds later by an incredibly stressed looking woman... It was hilarious!!

@SleepyBunk laughing out loud at your posts from last night, this tickled me especially (that's me after a few hours after a few days I'll be foaming at the mouth at all the nutters) 😂
I've refrained from apps but still on Fab for a browse/chat/flirt. The forums are usually pretty entertaining too!
When I do decide to give the apps a whirl I think I'll spread my net a bit wider than just tinder. Bumble/hinge seem quite popular?

Can anyone tell me why it seems impossible to talk to someone for more than a couple of hours before it turns sexual!? Does this happen to everyone or what? Literally every single guy I've spoken to turns really sexual. I'm all for a little flirt but I don't need to know about your sexual fantasy to have sex in the snow (?) after an hour of matching.

I found sex talk to be the norm. A don't mind a bit of flirt but literally trying to send dick pics within a few hours and my profile/chat never had any real hint of welcoming this behaviour. It eliminated a few easily for me tbh I just ignored and stuck to the more normal chats. Even now with Mr M it's no where near as explicit in chats as the tinder matches were. I think porn is to blame 🤷‍♀️

I can't say that I've ever been that forward.

I must be in the minority but I've never had overly sexual chat like that. They'd soon get blocked anyway if they started.

Nor me. I think I’d cringe myself to an early grave in the process.

Why am I attracting these men then?! Good to know there's some out there who aren't like it though...IL keep looking!

My perfect match sent me a good morning message and I messaged back TOO SOON (he might think I'm desperate, I mean don't get me wrong, I have been staring at his profile photos and re-reading the quote on it like a freak but that's not for him to know ).

I'll call him MrPM if I meet him obviously after seven good messages I know he's The One or MrBunk but I don't want to get carried away.

I think that was the nice thing about dating MrC - just getting acclimatised to the idea of regular communication with a polite genuine decent bloke and how it's actually nicer than lots of slightly random half-hearted conversations!

Re: sex talk, I agree it's more common nowadays?

I guess like much of life it's a case of being aware of your own personal boundaries and what you're comfortable with?

and feeling you can say no and you have the confidence to block or say no to someone if they try to push those boundaries. Ie "I'd prefer not to discuss that before meeting" should be enough.

I think the issues start happening when one party feels they have to (say) send nudes or sext or pay for an expensive meal out to keep the dates attention or get the date in the first place. That leads to resentment and a bad power dynamic and issues with consent.

There's nothing wrong with sexy talk/nudes or treating someone. Or even someone being a bit "forward". But someone feeling they can't say no, or being pressurised, is the problem.

Nothing wrong with nudes? Sending naked pics of yourself to a total stranger?? I can't see anything RIGHT with doing this. Being in someone's wank-bank?

Overall I don't think anyone should do anything they don't want to do or agree or consent to. But that varies.

Some people are more comfortable with explicit sexual discussion in advance of a meet which might include swapping intimate photos? I'm more datey myself but also ex's do have naked photos of me?

I agree the whole revenge porn thing is out there and is really creepy. But also I'm mindful of pushing back a bit against slut-shaming?

Women are most oppressed in countries where their ankles aren't allowed to be shown in public.

Obviously I don't have aims to be a porn star, but if an ex wanted to send a photo of my hairy vag to his mates then I wouldn't feel "humiliated" or like my life had been ruined or like no decent man would want me - it would be tacky behaviour on his part but no reflection on me.

I mean people laugh at and stalk and bully and humiliate women and men for existing/walking along the street/not looking good enough/looking too good/having the wrong skin colour or weight.

Sexual behaviour and nakedness have nothing to do with it.

Oh sorry, Bunk, I thought you were referring to sending nudes to a total stranger, not a partner... though I don't do that either.

I just can't bear the idea of some foul little man storing a naked picture of me for wanking over. I don't think it is a reflection on me at all, or any person who chooses to send intimate photos of themselves, obviously we can all do what we want - but I just don't want to think of that foul little man enjoying the contempt for me, and all women, that he would undoubtedly feel when wanking over the image of my body. It would feel like an assault frankly.

It's an absolute line in the sand for me, no intimate pictures of me exist anywhere and they never will.

No you always make good and thoughtful points @ThisTooShallBeFantastic that's the beauty of this thread - you get different perspectives from everyone and that's really healthy to see and have (especially as no-one I know in real life has a clue about "apps" and modern dating life )

With meeting people on apps I feel essentially if ANY behaviour or requests make anyone uncomfortable (sexual or rude or otherwise) the best thing is to immediately block, they're complete strangers and owed nothing.

This made me laugh and could provide a lot of entertainment 🤣🤣

I liked to point out in full the error of their ways to them as well before blocking , as long as they had no way of coming back at me - so I didn't give anyone my full name or SM details until I'd met them, and my WhatsApp was set up with just my first (very common) name, not my full name.

A little update on my irons.
Mr French has presumably ghosted me as I haven't heard from him in 4 days. He was spotty with texting anyway so meh.
Mr Flashy is a pushy twat and I told him exactly what I thought. He is well and truly in the bin. He kept asking for pics and then passing it off as only joking. Then asking if he can get his hands on me and you guessed it saying he is only joking when told no. Rince and repeat practically everyday. This morning I sent him a message after the usual attempt and blocked him.

I'm going to have to find a nice way of not meeting a potential. Start talking and it's all nice. Then reveals what he does for work. The flipping army and based at the same base as Mr Army, Mr Smiles and Mr EasyGoing. Probabaly knows them as all the army guys from similar counties hang out. FFS why can't they just be upfront about where they work/what their job is

I've done that in real life @TigsytheTiger. Took him ages to work it out

Now being partially ghosted by Mr Current. Not entirely sure why. I've asked him to call me so I can end it, but I don't think he will. Annoying because I wanted to gauge his response to what I said rather than give him time to create an answer (or more likely an excuse) over message.

So many ghosters!

Cheekily slipped MrPM my number in response to his last message. Now the wait

Is it just me or do the men of Bumble sometimes seem quite unenthusiastic?

Like they’re just “continuing conversations out of politeness” as I’ve messaged them first

I don’t have a lot of experience in bumble so maybe I’m overthinking this.

springlikebunk yes I often feel like that with bumble and wonder whether because the woman has to message first they take it that the woman always has to show all the effort 🤷‍♀️ I called someone out on this earlier today and wished him well and he came back saying he'd thought I wasn't interested as I'd stopped messaging - I said that it was always me messaging first so I assumed he wasn't keen or chatting with someone else with more connection. He said no and he was enjoying chatting with me 🤦‍♀️

As for the second chance I gave my returning previous ghoster - well you guessed it - he cancelled date at last minute again and haven't heard since 🤬

It's always weird isn't it knowing what comms is acceptable and if they are interested. So many ghosters too!

My new iron Mr Spreadsheet is the opposite of a ghoster thus far and is in touch pretty much all the time, I'm not used to it. Seems polite and doesn't just vanish mid conversation either like most of them.

Got a date next weekend if he's still around then.