Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I know someone posted something similar a while back, but I saw this on someone's profile earlier and it made me smile.

@UtterSocks

Or mis-spelt (thank you autocorrect)

Good old Muphry's Law!

utter that mud-spelt message has made me laugh out loud 🤣

I think I need to give my head a wobble and remember that it's all BS until it happens, whatever number that rule is... Matched with Mr Music Sunday, spoke on the phone that evening and decided to meet for a walk at the weekend. Not much messaging, but then he called out of the blue Tuesday and again today and I'm a bit giddy! Easy chat, both looking forward to Saturday, seems so easy... but we haven't even met! He's not love bombing or inappropriate in any way but we talk about both wanting to find someone and looking forward to meeting up. I keep telling him to lower his expectations... While trying very hard to lower my own.

I have to be prepared for the lack of spark, the crushing disappointment of realising he's not 'the one'. Argggh! I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. I even like it when he's being boring about his new car. I think I'm in trouble...

@WeWantTheFinestWines arrr I love that part though. That's what me and Mr M were/are like, enjoy it because life has a tendency to put a dampener on it all too soon! Even if he's not the one, I try not to suppress the giddy hormones racing around and experience the natural buzz in all its glory.

frankie how long have you been with Mr M?
I am buzzing a bit, keep ruffling DS's hair and singing🤣

@wewantthefinestwines I love that crush feeling though!! Enjoy it and hope it goes well :)

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Sounds great! I think it’s nice to enjoy a crush/excitement/anticipation etc - that’s the point of dating really?

I personally find it’s quite easy to end up overthinking/being negative but actually the process of meeting interesting new people is fine and something to look forward to, as long as one is emotionally resilient - which I’m sure you are!

When I was younger I made the mistake of having friends and dates who I wasn’t really excited by seeing/or who I genuinely liked or admired in any way (to control myself from being hurt by rejection) but that’s no way to live.

I'm excited and apprehensive - mostly scared of getting hurt again. But this is what it's all about - the only way to protect yourself is to never dare to love another person again. And that's not the life I want. So on we go...😶

@WeWantTheFinestWines

frankie how long have you been with Mr M? I am buzzing a bit, keep ruffling DS's hair and singing🤣

Our first date was the start of February but we'd been messaging for about 6 months 😳 before that. During most of that time he's been just about all I think of and he claims the same. At times I have felt afraid of the feelings and probably overthought a few small issues/circumstances but we're both very open about our feelings (but again it takes a lot to actually believe this from his side due to past pains I've suffered at the hands of liars). It's so nice to feel jolly and invincible though 😃 just like being a schoolgirl really 🙈

@WeWantTheFinestWines I hear you. I miss that crazy feeling I had for Mr Beard, and for a while Mr Maniac. Just enjoy it while keeping a tiny bit guarded.

Meanwhile on the apps, this ... I’m not swiping on anyone anymore even, just looking for funny profiles! Makes me appreciate Mr G and Mr L when I see this load of mentals ...

@frankiefirstyear jolly and invincible! What a great way to describe that honeymoon period when everything's going well and it's still exciting. I do hope that gets to carry on for you, because it sounds lovely.

@UtterSocks there are no words for the likes of that poster... Do they actually think that someone is going to read that and think "oo yeah baby, I'll have me some of that, let me swipe right immediately"? Or are they just venting their bitterness for no reason other than to unload? Either way, mental!

Whatever happens on Saturday, I realised driving into work today that Mr Music has already changed my life for the better. Since I had my heart shattered in August, I have been unable to be alone with my thoughts - so I haven't listened to music (always my big passion in life) because it's not distracting enough and also too emotive, it's always had to be speech, podcasts, anything with some sort of narrative to stop me thinking. Couldn't even go to sleep without a podcast. Today I was driving along thinking about Mr Music and realised I wasn't listening to the radio at all and I found some music and sang along at the top of my voice for the first time in 9 months! So even if we don't hit it off it has made me feel like I can finally look forward instead of wallowing in the past, which is a huge win.

@WeWantTheFinestWines that's so true for me too, I constantly had an audiobook on to help block out my own thoughts but music has become part of my life again, for me it's dancing, which had totally stopped. It's started up again along with the music. So freeing to feel happy, hope it lasts for you too!

“Jolly and invincible” is a great phrase.

I remember a day after I met MrMilitary just feeling that sense of real peace and connection - even though realistically he was/is a shit prospect 🙈

It’s not necessarily about “getting the man” @WeWantTheFinestWines it’s about the emotional journey and I think even if MrMusic just functions to get you to the next stage that’s a great thing

@SpringlikeBunk what a shame MrMilitary is not MrRight... But you're right, even if Mr Music ends up fading out and I come crashing back down to earth, I'd still rather have had these days of excited anticipation than more miserable meh.

@WeWantTheFinestWines that’s great to hear. I was always one for distraction and couldn’t be alone with my thoughts for long after Mr Beard either. I had a period of manic dating/shagging just to forget him and was always busy. I’m actually more able to sit with myself these days and am often dancing around my house listening to music and singing tunelessly. I really hope you and Mr Music hit it off.

@frankiefirstyear I’d love to feel jolly and invincible! It sounds so nice what you have with Mr M 🙂

@WeWantTheFinestWines fingers all crossed for you and Mr Music

@UtterSocks how are things with you?

Hi @Eesha - I’m ok thanks. Day off today and Mr G popped round this morning for a couple of hours which was lovely. He has seen a solicitor but she advised him to avoid court if he could as it would cost about £10k. So she has advised him on an email to send her outlining the facts of the situation. I’m still in a “wait and see “ position but he’s done everything I asked.

How are things with you? Still being chased by 100s of admirers you don’t fancy?

Still at least you have probably not come across this guy who liked me on FB. For context, one of the photos had him wearing a blue rubber glove on his head 🙄

@UtterSocks That's good to hear, perhaps he knows you mean business and is trying to do what he can to get it sorted.

Im good. I do get the likes but ive concluded the issue is me and that my heart isnt in this dating mallarkey anymore after my last breakup. I dont feel the slightest bit enthused by any man sadly. I have lost the optimism i once had.

But on the plus side, im making good contacts jobwise, feeling healthier after all my long walks each day, kids are exuberant and i might even look up taking up actual yoga which i have always wanted to try.

Exchanged a couple messages with MrCanal but they seem to have tailed off today - it’s the old “working from home vs working out” scheduling/messaging thing again

Planning a couple big city hikes like @Eesha soon 👍🏽

@UtterSocks glad that some progress has been made, how are you feeling you'd like to proceed now that he's done all you asked?

I feel like Mr M is solid and I get loads of lovely feels for him, have a good laugh on the phone and the sex has improved greatly...but, can I share with you for some views please, he's done a bit of a U turn about telling his kids about us - fair enough it is early days but I do feel a bit meh, he said he wanted to tell his ex so he could tell his kids. When I said I was fine with that, he sort of backed off from the idea and now is saying he doesn't want it getting back to my (toxic) ex through anyone he tells, which is very unlikely, which is why I was fine with it. Don't get me wrong I was nervous about meeting the kids, but the reasons were because we make each other happy and want them to know, our kids can get to know each other, and so we can have sleep overs rather than just 2-3 hour visits once a week if that.
I've never had to consider children while dating on either side, this is the first time I've dated since having kids myself, previously I've progressed through my past long term relationships at top speed, moving in within weeks sometimes, so this inactivity is unsettling for me. He's said a few times he's not going anywhere and wants to be with me.
I'm not sure if lockdown is playing a part in this or not (guidelines mean we can be each other's support bubble) but maybe his ex wouldn't be too impressed by this but he's been quite open about stuff and never mentioned. Maybe he just is a slow burner while I'm a firework 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ any advice or admonitions? I don't want to mess it up but equally I'm not keen to open a can of worms telling my ex for it to then fall apart.

@frankiefirstyear

I guess it is early days yet so maybe just take things slowly?

I don’t have kids, but I’m the same as you in that I’m “used to” fairly quick relationship starts, but also none of those were emotionally healthy. The guys were desperate or love bombing me. Coupled up in a month and either fizzled out or was stuck in an awful relationship within a year.

If he’s going for caution on this (but you feel it’s great in other ways) maybe just see how it all pans out.

Maybe for now he’s just enjoying
1-1 time with you and wants that connection to be “solid” before he gets into the families together situation. Also with lockdown ending reasonably soon there’ll be more options for stuff to do outside the home?

@UtterSocks

Batchelors degree in soup science.

Neckkisser guy met me for a walk at lunchtime, the only day I've been out this week, alarmingly.

Two Bumble matches overnight. I always worry when they pop up in the middle of the night, one of the things I hate about OLD is that people seem to want to chat shit when I need to be asleep, plus I am suspicious it means they are not single.
Anyway, messaged them both and had quite a nice chat with one so far, though he's gone quiet now but it is bed time.

Messaged MrWG to see if he is free this weekend. He replied quickly but was fairly non committal. Says he might be free Sunday, and he's away Tue to Thu next week but around the other days (I'm off work next week, which I told him). He then didn't respond to my chatty follow up - can't decide if he's just not interested or hard work!

Meanwhile Neckkissing guy has asked me to go somewhere Sunday to "see the daffodils". I have four daffs in my garden, I don't feel quite old enough to put on my driving gloves and go to see daffodils. I said I'd let him know. I don't want to go though. I need to say no thanks really. I don't know how to say no without saying I've got other plans!!

Funny things you discover while swiping through profiles, apparently there's a vintner almost within sight of my house. Previously I had to cycle five miles to find an independent one (I avoid supermarkets and other chains wherever possible as a matter of principle). I know where I'm going on pay day...

@VanGoghsDog I work shifts in a job which only requires intermittent bursts of attention. It wouldn't be unusual for me to be swiping at random hours of the day.