Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hey everyone,

Just following on from my previous post.

I've just had a lovely WhatsApp chat with Mr Geek. I was completely honest with him and just told him that I liked him but that I didn't think there was a romantic spark between us.

I felt awful doing it, but I really think it was the right decision. The worst thing for me would be to drag him over toy area and go on a date with him, when I didn't feel the same way.

We've agreed to be friends, so that's something

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hey everyone,

Just following on from my previous post.

I've just had a lovely WhatsApp chat with Mr Geek. I was completely honest with him and just told him that I liked him but that I didn't think there was a romantic spark between us.

I felt awful doing it, but I really think it was the right decision. The worst thing for me would be to drag him over toy area and go on a date with him, when I didn't feel the same way.

We've agreed to be friends, so that's something

*to my area

@BLTLover

Another one on bumble just told me hes read my bio and noticed I've got a child and that I'm lovely but he doesnt want to talk to me anymore ffs

What a scumbag! You deserve better @BLTLover

That's the reaction to having children that scares me @bltlover and the reason I only looked for men with children when I was on bumble!

I’ve tried Facebook dating. Get loads and loads of matches but only the creeps message 😂. But handy cos you can block people you know and anyone who knows them too! I like my life being compartmentalised!

How is a guy a scumbag if he says someone is lovely but that's not what he's looking for. Absolutely within his rights to do so and it doesn't sound like he was rude about it?
We are all allowed to make choices here, men too.

I think I do agree with @DatingDisastrously we all talk about what we are willing to accept, not accept etc and how we must have our boundaries in place, be firm in what we want, don't want etc. Well, that applies to men too doesn't it
Sounds like he was perfectly nice about it no?
Yeah it sucks but we all know our preferences

I think he should have read my profile properly but oh well. Anyone dating around Liverpool?

@DatingDisastrously

How is a guy a scumbag if he says someone is lovely but that's not what he's looking for. Absolutely within his rights to do so and it doesn't sound like he was rude about it? We are all allowed to make choices here, men too.

Depends how he phrased it really.

@DatingDisastrously

How is a guy a scumbag if he says someone is lovely but that's not what he's looking for. Absolutely within his rights to do so and it doesn't sound like he was rude about it? We are all allowed to make choices here, men too.

It was me that called him a scumbag. While I agree that we all have our preferences, the guy should have read BLT's profile before messaging. I think it's a bit weird just to message and say 'you sound lovely but you're not what I'm looking for.'

Bit of an up and down day romantically really!

My lunch/tennis meet with MrCanal was cancelled.

he was on-call at night and actually got called in - messaged at 5am to say he was going to bed Then he messaged frantically an hour before due to meet trying to rearrange to later as he was tired.

So I said to leave it for today which was ok.

Went for a really nice walk anyway. MrMilitary messaging and suggesting we meet before he goes away next.

Tbh I don’t want to be “on a promise” for a man working away and he’s hard to organise with so I managed to say no and keep in touch without sounding like too much of a twat.

It’s just pacing myself as I don’t want to get into some overwhelming exclusive romantic liaison with a guy who can be a bit flaky.

Was a bit disconcerted by this and who did I bump into whilst walking along messaging MrMilitary but MrC? (Who actually is the least flaky man I’ve dated)

He looked great (thank god I looked cute as I’d been dressing for a sports date anyway).

We had a chat which was slightly awkward but great (he’s literally going away tomorrow)

and he mentioned that he’s just got my last Xmas presents which actually are prints of an artist I mentioned I love which are very hard to get

For some reason this made me cry (we know we’re incompatible but it was such a sweet thing to do) so I explained this and scampered off

as otherwise there’d be lots of people on the street giving him daggers going “have you made that woman cry?”

So got home to a message from MrC saying how awful he felt and he’s sent the art prints direct to me.

An over-emotional day to say the least!

That's a bit of a roller coaster day!

I had a match in Bumble. Usual conversation-less berk.

Me: hi Fred, how are you this evening?
Fred: OK, fed up of lockdown
(For some reason I decide to give him another chance)
Me: what's the first thing you'll do when lockdown ends?
Fred: go out for a meal

Well Fred, thanks for that stimulating two way exchange, glad we met......

I agree it feels OTT and a bit arrogant contacting someone you haven't even connected with to tell them you don't want to date them for X reason?

95% of chats fizzle out anyway, everyone is chatting to multiple people - getting rejection messages from everyone you've exchanged three messages with saying "actually I don't want to date you because of this" would just turn the system into a nightmare!

Even if a connection is made and you need to say no, I always think the best thing is to be polite and vague - "don't feel we're a good match/have that spark/don't think we have enough in common to be a romantic match going forwards"

If the first message is to say no thanks I think that's a bit weird too.
But if he only realised about children after a few messages then by giving the reason why, he's saying "there's nothing wrong with you",which I think is fine. Maybe I'm more direct that I realised.

@VanGoghsDog

I think I’m coming off bumble tonight or tomorrow though I hope to see MrCanal more.

Like @TheCatWithTheHat said there’s sometimes some nice looking matches but also...

I need to work out a move with MrWG, but now I'm available I have my period again (I'm sure it's coming more frequently!).

Bumble Account deleted and I’m leaning into work this month.

otherwise it can get a bit “oh that match has extended don’t know should I message, that person asked detailed questions but hasn’t replied in two days... that person looks like my DREAM MATCH oh wait they haven’t replied...”

and I’ll never get off it! Those apps are definitely designed by marketing people to keep you hooked.

@VanGoghsDog I dream of getting a message like yours on Bumble! All I seem to get is "hey" or a waving gif. Then when I send something back, asking how they are and asking a question about something on their profile I get nothing back.

Actually - I just checked - one of my matches actually asked me something, so I replied with an answer and asked her a question back. No response.

@SpringlikeBunk oh wow - they are really something. I'm not even sure what a "ma maw" is? Their mum? I'd be tempted to reply back to the lockdown one with "Can we talk about missing apostrophes though?"

I have been on a mission today. I've been liking and commenting on Hinge for most of the day, and have a few more chats going - one of whom has provisionally agreed to meet for a coffee and walking date on Monday. If I can confirm one of the possible weekend dates for Saturday, I'll have 5 dates in 5 days It has been almost a full time job for days though getting to this point - a huge amount of effort.

I've also spent a bit of time swiping through Facebook dating - there seem to be a few nice people on there, but I've not had any likes or matches with anyone I like. And a lot of people I click X on too. I'm not a fan, although a friend of mine met someone absolutely lovely on there who he's been seeing for a few months now, so it can happen.

Loving that apostrophes come back there @TheCatWithTheHat

@thecatwiththehat you're like a date machine!! I need some of your confidence

I tend to find that if you comment too directly on something in people's profile they don't know what you're talking about - they forget what's in their profiles.

Also, I don't think other people read profiles so it's a surprise to people.

I despair .. I really do .. In an effort to dust myself off and start over again, I started chatting to a nice French man yesterday - he is retired and doesn't live that far away. He'd been sending me likes for ages .. so .. I though, OK why not. After chatting for a while and saying we would meet for a picnic in the next village, he said that he needed to specify something ... 'ok' I thought. So he said, just for me to know that he will be expecting sex quite quickly. That life is too short to wait to love him (!?) and that he was in good condition and that's what he would expect. I'd been chatting to him for all of ... hang on ... yeah 10 mins He's in his 60s, not that it matters really, but fgs lets give it a meeting at least!!! I said I didn't appreciate sex being brought up before we even met and he called me an over-sensitive and suspicious Anglaise. Aaaargh ...

That's both awful and hilarious! Maybe you should have sent him a price list as he seems to think you are a commodity at his beck and call.

@havecourage8bekind maybe it's a little easier being a guy to suggest meeting, but I've just got used to asking now although I didn't always find it that easy to ask. I just figure that most people on the apps are looking to meet up in real life, and if you've managed to keep a conversation going for a decent amount of time - a couple of days or weeks, then it's likely they'll be happy to meet.

The worst that can happen is they say no, and then you can decide whether to invest more time in continuing to chat in the hope they change their mind, or focus on someone who is open to meeting. I usually just say I'm really enjoying chatting to you, but I prefer speaking in real life rather than too much messaging - do you fancy grabbing a coffee, or having a chat on the phone if you'd prefer? Most say they'd like to meet, some say they'd like a chat on the phone first, and a few just ignore it. In my experience, the ones who have no intention to meet anyway won't meet if you ask them after a week or 3 months.

I try not to be too direct commenting on things in their profiles, but usually there's something there to ask about - if they list travel (who doesn't?), I'll ask something like - I see you love to travel, me too! Do you have any trips planned for this year/did you manage to get away at all last year/which of these would you prefer - a beach break in the sun, or hitting the slopes for some skiing? Or one recently mentioned they liked road trips and music - so I just asked what they'd pick for their play list for a road trip around Italy. Something that that can kick start a conversation, and hopefully tap into something they're passionate about.

Another charmer: