Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@VanGoghsDog he lives with his parents at the moment and meal is with them and his kids so within rules here.
So lucky that your jab is imminent - progress on vaccinations is so slow here- I will be lucky to have mine by September I reckon!
@havecourage8bekind fingers crossed for a good response
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards boundaries are good 😊

Bad news! He said he likes talking to me, but if he's honest he thinks nothing serious will come of it as there's quite a distance between us which would be an issue after 1-2 dates plus when lockdown ends we are gonna be busy with our own lives. He said he's happy to keep talking and I know where he is if I get bored. I told him that I'm not gonna just talk to someone and invest my time in someone out of boredom, and that I wish he'd not spoken about going on dates and meeting me if that's not what he saw actually happening. Feeling a bit gutted as we got on SO well and so effortlessly...why would he be invested in messaging morning texts, asking how my day was, random daily updates, asking to see pictures of me and being so complimenting etc...if it was all out of boredom? God I can't work these men out!

@havecourage8bekind in a way at least he was open in his message rather than stringing you along so now you can move on. That's how I would view it myself.

@eesha to be honest his replies to me were lovely today and couldn't have asked for more honesty to be honest. He apologised it I feel he haa wasted my time & said if we were closer it would be different, that he's really enjoyed talking. I just wish I'd asked sooner because three weeks of lots of texts, I think I'm gonna miss it! I know I could carry on talking to him to ease some loneliness but think I have more self worth than that..

[quote Mayzee]@VanGoghsDog he lives with his parents at the moment and meal is with them and his kids so within rules here.
So lucky that your jab is imminent - progress on vaccinations is so slow here- I will be lucky to have mine by September I reckon!
@havecourage8bekind fingers crossed for a good response
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards boundaries are good 😊[/quote]
Thank you. I'm a bit annoyed with myself to be honest.

I said to him ' I'm having some quiet time today so I won't be online.'

I just popped back briefly to see how he responded. He has given me his number in case I want to talk on WhatsApp! I perhaps need to be a bit clearer to him.

We've been talking for a Very short time. He's already asked me out but I want to take it slowly. I think I just need to have a honest talk with him and be clear to him.

@havecourage8bekind yes i don't think you could have asked for more in terms of honesty. So many times here you read about people not being upfront so it's refreshing when people are honest.

@Buttonit789 thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you wanted two years! That's awful.

I messaged Mr Green last night and asked if he still wanted things to progress between us. He said of course, things haven't changed for him. He asked why so I mentioned that I was surprised we hadn't managed to get together at all while I was child free. He said that he'd just been so busy with work. He also then fell asleep last night quite early so it seems that it's not just on nights when I'm available.
We've had a little bit of chatting today but he's been in work again. Tbf... He's worked the last 13 days in a row so could well just be over tired?
I am child free again from Friday -sunday so will see if he makes an effort to meet then. I have taken a step back a little with the messaging and given my head a bit of a wobble.

I'm with you @Mayzee and @frankiefirstyear, making the effort then being let down is awful! I'm sorry you've been cancelled on too.... It would be fantastic if we could all get together and have a rant instead of sitting in our houses lol

@havecourage8bekind I'm sorry you didn't get the answer you hoped for but I agree at least he was honest and isn't stringing you along. I also don't think I could carry on chatting if nothing was going to come of it x

@havecourage8bekind I did think 3 weeks was a bit long just chat. But at least he was truthful. Be warned, he'll try chat more when he is bored.

@Mayzee I HATE wasted child free time. It would wind me up
You too @frankiefirstyear

I hope @HairyArsedMan s date is going well.

I've stuck to answering Mr HT last night when he messaged but I've not initiated anything today.

I've got one chat on OKC that I'm just having a laugh with ...

@cravingthelook I haven't replied to his last messages where he said sorry if he's wasted my time but I know where he is if I'm bored..I think me not replying to him will stop him from initiating any further chats to be honest! His loss & all that...

@havecourage8bekind
Oh give it a week, he'll message to see if you are ok 😂😂

@Mayzee and @frankiefirstyear I hope you are both ok today and you managed to do something nice yesterday.

@havecourage8bekind It's good he has been honest but just using you due to boredom is 😱. As craving says, he will be back, he might even apologise for what he said and didnt mean it, just to get you chatting again but then he won't meet.

Looking forward to updates from those who had dates yesterday 😁

Hope everyone has a great Sunday.

@sortingitout I didn't even take offence to the boredom comment to be honest, as I think that's probably why lots of people are resorting to these apps right now? He was honest and said he likes me and wouldn't have carried on talking if he didnt, but without the promise of meeting I'm not wasting my time. I really doubt he will come back to be honest...not when there's so many girls available to talk to on these apps! X

@havecourage8bekind sorry you didn’t get a better outcome but you were right to ask now, rather than find this out weeks down the line when life starts opening up and you would have been hoping for proper dates and a relationship.

I too am waiting for the date updates - come on those of you that had some sparks this weekend😊

I was a little sad not to have my kids on Mother’s Day and then I remembered how much work my kids are and thanked my lucky stars I’ll see them this evening anyway.

I spent yesterday evening pampering, put on fake tan and a hair mask. It was a lovely relaxing evening. Mr TG has apologised and acknowledged how unfair on me it was so we will see if his actions in the future make up for it 🤷‍♀️

Feeling pretty dreadful still today. Wish I had the idea to do fake tan and pamper. Instead I uninterestedly watched some things from tv recordings before an early night. It's so frustrating because I've got an epilator but due to arrangements for dates I end up shaving instead, then the dates are cancelled 🙄 honestly driving me mad atm. Tonight I will do fake tan when I'm sure the date won't happen yet again. Feel like I just come here to moan sorry 😞 hope everyone with dates this weekend have had the best of luck!

Sorry to hear @havecourage8bekind but def better to know! @Mayzee well done on your boundaries!!

@frankiefirstyear that sounds really frustrating! Maybe just try your own pampering schedule and screw the dates - ie slightly hair legs shouldn’t be the be all and end all right?

How were the dates people???

Had a chat with MrLW about whether this was casual/fwb or what (didn’t think it was but wanted to explicitly say/ask because I’ve been burnt before) and he said that he liked me a lot and wasn’t looking to ‘cut and run’ and wanted to ‘see where things go’ - any thoughts??

@LongtimelurkerL I would read that as ‘this is not casual for me but I’m not ready to label it as serious yet’ which I think is a reasonable stance given the amount of time you have been together.
He wants to see where things go so he sees a future. I would try to relax and take it as it comes - he definitely seems into you, wants to spend time with you, speak to you on the phone etc so he’s showing you that you are important to him.
And he did those miles long walks too for weeks

Thanks @Mayzee those were my thoughts to but then I suddenly had that ‘oh my gosh what about all those things that say if he likes you you’d be engaged by now’ jokes obv

@Mayzee, I'm glad Mr TG is saying the right things. Fingers crossed for a good meet next time.
@frankiefirstyear, those evenings are the worst. I have had a few of those myself recently. a symptom of the times without a doubt. The actions of our irons take on a greater significance when there are no other distractions.
@havecourage8bekind, well done on asking a straight question and although not the answer you wanted, definitely better to now be able to draw a line and move on.
@LongtimelurkerL, I think everyone wants a bit of reassurance and certainty in their relationship. I think his answer is reasonable. He's obviously not someone who puts his feelings on the line too soon. We're all taking a bit of a gamble when we start to invest or place hopes that something is going to develop with someone. Was the purpose of the question to see how serious he is about you ? What do YOU want from him?

obvs ...delete the Tiffany website surfing history 😂😂
All joking aside I’ve had a lot of time to mull over things this weekend so when I compare what you seem to have with what I have with Mr TG, I think you are doing fine. (I know, I know before anyone says, you can’t compare!!) I also know it’s hard when your previous history makes you question everything though- I’m the same.

And I agree with @Onesmallstep67 ask what you want and be clear in your own head. That’s what I’m doing too because I’ve always been a bit fuzzy about that.

@Onesmallstep67 - I know exactly what I want yes - eventually marriage and babies. Maybe not with him, it could all go tits up and I’m not someone who just wants anyone if that makes sense. However I don’t want to muck about if the other person doesn’t want longer term. It’s also been a long time since I’ve liked anyone as much as MrLW and just got on so well - both inside and outside of the bedroom

Yeah @Mayzee yeah I can’t say I have any complaints (yet) - it all seems to be going very well and yes I think I’m going to do a 60 day ‘relax and enjoy it’ thing (read it on a different thread)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums on here. Hope you are all having a good day. My DD got me a card and flowers and a present and made me an amazing breakfast. Radio silence from DS at university. I think I might message him later and tell him she is my favourite child 😂😂😂. Although to be fair he is usually thoughtful.

Been offline a bit so not fully caught up here but hoping those of you with weekend dates had fun and that those of you who have been disappointed by flaky texters or last minute cancellations or date-swerving penpals find that your next swipe is the one you have been looking for - whether that means FWB or the love of your life!

I’ll read back later when I have a minute - got a fair bit to catch up on today. Position with Mr G is still ambiguous. I let him come round on Thursday as DD was staying at a friend’s house and we had a lovely time but I made it clear that whether we see each other in future depends on what he does next. He has taken some legal advice but has not made a decision yet on which course of action to take. I’m not rushing him, but am heading off any talk of us making plans together that isn’t strictly week on week. I’ve said there is no “us” going forward until it is sorted. Just casual dates (as not cutting my nose off to spite my face - I’m getting food, wine and sex on lockdown!). And of course if she moves back it’s over, so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Have had a look at the apps but a lot of catfish on atm. Friend sent me a very funny Instagram post which said

Women reading directions on dating apps:

Upload 10 photos
Make sure they look like you
Show your personality

Men reading directions on dating apps:

Upload two photos
Make sure they look like you are being held hostage in a basement
Show your favourite mountain or car

Seems to be especially true on Facebook dating ...

😂😂😂

I've added a few items:

Women reading directions on dating apps:
Upload 10 photos
Make sure they look like you
Let the camera flash obscure the mirror
Hold the phone so that it blocks your face
Overexpose the photo
Blur it
Add "cutesy" (vom) filters
Show your personality

Men reading directions on dating apps:
Upload two photos
Make sure they look like you are being held hostage in a basement
Show your favourite mountain or car
Hold a fish
Wear sunglasses so no one will recognise you
Have a group shot where it isn't at all obvious who you are
Very obviously crop your ex out of the photo

There was a great thread on this subject recently.

I’m a big fan of profile photos rotated by 90 degrees.

Hope you’re all enjoying your Mother’s Day treats.

I’ve been and done a second date with Miss Mooch. It was ...ominous sounds ... fine and we laughed and chatted freely. Plans for another date have been broached. I’m happy to see where things go slowly - she’s not long out of a long term thing and hasn’t got a formal custody rhythm yet and is dating to see what’s out there to some extent.

Hi, hope im ok to rejoin the thread
Im no good at multi-dating but im giving it a go, chatting to 2 guys mr wildlife and Mr steam.
Things with mr steam are going great, we get on like a house on fire, interested in each others day to day, and seems to be a genuine spark there. He's really boosted my confidence after the last guy (I don't think i came back to update, but I found out he ghosted me as he was actually married). We have arranged date 6 for Saturday, as that's when im child free, he doesn't have kids but seems ok so far with my limited schedule, so far so good but trying not to get carried away as I so often do.
Mr wildlife.....well.... when we're together we get on great, but im thinking it might be time to throw in the towel. He also doesn't have kids, but keeps asking to meet when he knows I can't. After date 2 he said he wants to just be friends as he never wants kids and has low self esteem and isn't ready for dating, we met up as friends during the week and he's done a u turn saying he not only wants to date me but to also become official?! I said I want to take things slowly which he respects, but now I'm struggling to see how this can go forward, not wanting to have kids isn't negotiable so he'll only end up resentful surely? And also the change from ready to not ready then back to ready to date? I don't like questioning things when it comes to dating