Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I agree it makes dating a lot easier if you can set boundaries (it’s hard because of course we don’t want to be cold - but if someone goes off us because we aren’t messaging fifty times when we’re tired they’re not worth it!).

There’s also an argument for “pacing” messaging if you need to - you might not want to be online all the time!

I tend to say “off to bed now, sleep well xxxx” or something similar.

If they’re asking me to stay up when I’ve said that it’s actually quite controlling and a red flag IMO

(Sometimes MrMilitary sends a few after that but then it’s not like he’s mega-reliable in replying to my messages so I’ve learned to just mirror his behaviour and contact levels back at him).[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk thank you so much. That's really helpful. I'll keep that in mind 🙂❤️

You’re welcome @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Your needs are important and you have to be comfortable as well when you’re dating!

Second coffee-walk provisionally agreed for Sunday. No dick pics received or hinted at 👍🏽 (again easy to check up on background. Thank god for men with unusual first names 😂😉)

@SpringlikeBunk

You’re welcome *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* Your needs are important and you have to be comfortable as well when you’re dating!

Absolutely ❤️

Also, (I forgot to mention this when I last posted, sorry.) the new guy does tend to message me at 5am every morning. (I assume that's when he gets up for work)

Is this acceptable or not?

I think so, I quite like that (though I have my phone on silent) being the first thought of someone's day.

Can’t you just switch your phone off when you go to sleep so you don’t get disturbed?

@onwardseverstridingonwards I always get good morning texts anytime between 5:30-7am..I also wondered at first if it was a bit strange but I actually really like it..nice to be thought of!

Thanks for the advice yesterday about asking MrKeen what's actually going on..planning on asking at some point today so will report when when he's no doubt binned me off hahaha! Enjoy your walking dates today those who have them :)

[quote havecourage8bekind]@onwardseverstridingonwards I always get good morning texts anytime between 5:30-7am..I also wondered at first if it was a bit strange but I actually really like it..nice to be thought of! [/quote]
@havecourage8bekind yes, it is.

I do find it a bit difficult as I'm having quite a bad time with my disability at the moment and I don't really like being woken up by messages when I'm in pain.

I've only been talking to him for a short while as well and I'm wondering if he's being a bit full on, despite my wish to take it slowly.

I’m feeling a bit (a lot) pissed off right now. Had plans for Mr TG to call over to mine tonight. I was feeling really excited because other than a quick coffee in the car last week, we haven’t seen each other in a month.
He has just messaged to say he can’t make it because his dad has arranged a last minute family meal. I just feel quite hurt as 2 weeks ago on my last child free weekend he had family stuff which I was fine about but then on the Sunday we had a loose plan which he also blew off because something came up.
I’m not a priority but then I don’t know if I can expect to be at this stage. I imagine that the meal involves his kids and if he hasn’t told them or his Dad that he is seeing someone then he can’t not go to the meal.
It just sucks because it will be at least 2 weeks before we can meet up again properly. I haven’t replied but usually would be all bright and breezy-that’s fine enjoy the meal- but I want to convey my disappointment in some way.
And the paranoia that he’s just not into this as much as me is creeping in again not helped by this and his lack of initiating any dates.

@Mayzee

I’m feeling a bit (a lot) pissed off right now. Had plans for Mr TG to call over to mine tonight. I was feeling really excited because other than a quick coffee in the car last week, we haven’t seen each other in a month. He has just messaged to say he can’t make it because his dad has arranged a last minute family meal. I just feel quite hurt as 2 weeks ago on my last child free weekend he had family stuff which I was fine about but then on the Sunday we had a loose plan which he also blew off because something came up. I’m not a priority but then I don’t know if I can expect to be at this stage. I imagine that the meal involves his kids and if he hasn’t told them or his Dad that he is seeing someone then he can’t not go to the meal. It just sucks because it will be at least 2 weeks before we can meet up again properly. I haven’t replied but usually would be all bright and breezy-that’s fine enjoy the meal- but I want to convey my disappointment in some way. And the paranoia that he’s just not into this as much as me is creeping in again not helped by this and his lack of initiating any dates.

I think you need to have a serious chat with him to find out where you stand.

@Mayzee im sure ive read this same kind of scenario before. I think he's showing you you are way at the bottom of his list. He should be working with you to arrange mutually suitable dates.

@Mayzee, I think you have every right to feel pissed off and not a priority. Did he just message or actually call you? Maybe the restrictions there are causing a whole extra layer of difficulty for you to meet freely. If I was keen on someone I would be not letting an opportunity to see them pass by. You have said though that he's lovely in person with you so maybe he's just bowing to other pressures to see his family. It's difficult to know if it's genuine or an excuse and that's what would be playing on my mind. Things do come up that we can't get out of or rearrange but if this is a consistent pattern it's not really working for you. Do you feel able to raise it with him next time you see him in person ?. I think everything seems a bit more difficult at the moment. No distractions or other outlets for our time. I'm sure you were looking forward to seeing him and it's not even possible to swap plans and see friends instead.

@Mayzee that would really grind my gears and that's what's been happening with me a bit too but when the kids are involved I feel like a right cow for being disappointed but I always feel terrible when it happens and a sense of 'is it worth it'.

I agree @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - whenever we get face to face again😬

@Eesha yes I’ve posted about his not initiating dates before and the consensus seemed to be that he’s more laid back and given that I have to host if we get together it’s more of a case of him waiting on an invitation rather than inviting himself over. I’m going to say he can arrange the next date.

@Onesmallstep67 it was a message. We never speak on the phone. And he is lovely when we meet, consistent with messaging, always responds to mine but I think he has huge guilt around his family because he moved abroad for 4 years so he is desperate to ‘be there’ for them now and make up for lost time.

I think I’m going to message back that I’m disappointed but what can you do and also say he can arrange the next date for a time when he can definitely make it. I will raise it with him face to face then.
It is the current situation too like you said, I can’t go out and make other plans so I’ll sit and brood instead. I was looking forward to the intimacy too

@frankiefirstyear yes it’s annoying- his kids are late teens though so it’s less childcare more guilt with him over them

@Mayzee ❤️❤️

@Mayzee sounds like a plan

Good luck to all meeting up over the weekend. I'm soooo jealous.

This week I've managed to attract 3 married irons looking for "fun"..can I not just have one all to myself.. ha ha.

Urgh another cancellation here too...
I feel so dreadful, I have the children all the time too and it's affecting my mood because I'm so miserable when it happens, but unable to plan anything else decent for myself to do and wasted my night last night and today getting beautified in every imaginable way 😭😭😭

@frankiefirstyear Oh no that’s crap! It’s a pity we couldn’t meet up and drown our sorrows together did he give a reason?
I get you on all the prep. It’s so hard when your chances to meet up are so limited. In my case one wasted weekend means not seeing each other for 2 weeks. At least out of lockdown we could meet out for a meal or drink in between. If this was normal times I’d go off shopping or maybe to the cinema if I was free last minute and would be happy on my own.

Well, I've turned my Tinder notifications off for the day. I've told the new guy that I want to have a bit of quiet time so I won't be online. 🙂

How can his dad arrange a family meal with the current lockdown?

It really is a pain with the restrictions, ten days between seeing my mum and MrWG, to swap bubble. If he even wants to see me.

Mum has my brother coming for Easter so I don't need to worry about her for a while.

I've had a call to have my jab next week, so that's good news.

Child related cancellation which is 9/10 the reason so can't say anything about it as I have mine constantly so it's on him to come to me when he's free when mine are in bed.

Eeee I've sent the text asking what's going on - got an anxious belly now whilst I await a response! Sorry to those who have had plans cancelled today :( what a let down!