Aw thanks @TheCatWithTheHat. I really should be over it a year on though, it was only a three-month thing, but I still talk to him, although not frequently, which is basically like putting my hand in the fire. We actually get on well when we chat, and I hate falling out with people - someone would have to be utterly heinous to me for me to block them - but also I think if he ever gets with someone else it would make me really sad (despite the fact that I have dated with a manic energy ever since last summer in an effort to get over him. Heartbreak did not make me a nicer person, it made me a bit of a player if anything.)
I take your point about Mr G's ex @Sortingitout but they never actually agreed for her to be a SAHM. She made the decision unilaterally because she didn't like her job, and they couldn't afford it and Mr G ended up taking a second job to make ends meet. As well as looking after the kids while she stayed in bed all day. He begged her to work for years, and it is triggering for me because it is exactly what my ex did, I paid for him for years and years and years while he played at being a writer and, not satisfied with his pound of flesh, he is now trying to fleece me in the divorce as well. Mr G isn't a nasty person at all (he is much nicer than me, and way nicer than Mr Beard who slated his ex despite him being the cheater in that relationship) and he does not really talk about her much, but the facts are the facts. She has a roof over her head at her mum's but she won't let him sell the house and give her half (which I think would be a result considering she never paid the mortgage) but rather wants him to let her move back in, effectively giving her the entire house, and move out himself, therefore paying for two homes while she carries on lying around watching TV. The kids are older teens and live with him most of the week so she isn't even being a SAHM. She may have had an operation now but she hasn't actually had the excuse of illness for 14 bloody years. But yes it is a massive trigger for me. It is way too close to home.
@cravingthelook when are you planning to have the chat? Do you want a proper monogamous relationship with him?? Have you thought about what you will say? Hope he is on the same page!
Regarding frequency of messaging - it's how I tell how much l like someone, if it bothers me or not. Sometimes I barely notice when I am chatting to a few. But then if I've got the feels for someone I will be checking WhatsApp statuses like a nutter. And also I am an up and down messenger - either chatting all day or forgetting for 24 hours when I am busy. Unless I am properly besotted of course! With Mr L, we hardly bother any more - there isn't much to say really haha, and with Mr G - well he has two jobs and two kids so sometimes he is busy and I don't hear from him, but he makes me feel secure so I don't care. I once dated a guy (briefly) I called Mr Maniac and he sent me about 2000 messages in a week and went mad if he thought I was online to someone else. He still treated me like crap though! It wasn't a measure of how much he liked me, clearly. I think people are just different - my friends all differ in their messaging style and frequency but because I am not romantically involved with them it is not a thing. My niece has been with the love of her life 6 years now and in the first year of their relationship before they moved in together she could go a week without messaging him and was totally chilled about it. Mind you, she is way more secure than me!
I've got my covid jab now - wish me luck! Am hoping it doesn't make me ill because I am so busy at work I can't afford not to be on form!