Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

On the lamenting at finding grey hairs at 40... I found my first ones at 17. Started dying my hair at 23 and did so for over 20 years before I got fed up within having to do my roots every 3 weeks. The transition from dark brown wasn't fun and I had no idea what I'd find - yellow, patchy, salt and pepper... Luckily it was just white, still thick and is now one of the things I'm complimented on most. It looks great with a good cut and a tan. Desperately needs cutting of course, and when it gets long I look like a crazy cat lady.

I had a nice first date this afternoon ! The first glance out of the car feeling was 👌 and it went well from there - only walking and a coffee, but good chat, good to and fro and we’ve agreed to do it again 🤞🏻

@LuckyLinda3 it’s so crappy isn’t it? Living for the end of the month when there might be some hope in an announcement!
@Eesha they are super cautious here with quite a few fines being handed out for breaking the 5km rule etc. It’s depressing 😞
@HairyArsedMan that’s sounds promising :) always good if you don’t want to keep driving when you see them from the car

Had a whiney WA message from the neck kisser - I've backed right off the friendship because of him always making inappropriate remarks. And I got:

"Hello, long time no chat. Have we; fallen out / got bored with each other / been too busy / other reason."

And a few other things. I hate this sort of pass-agg nonsense. But I guess it means he has noticed I've backed off. Annoyingly I have noone to go for a walk with tomorrow and didn't get out today, so I'll have to go alone because I don't want to ask him.

@DdraigGoch Glad you met up with Miss G, I would go with the flow for now and see what happens, if you like her enough to be together then you can hopefully discuss her condition and how it affects her soon.

@HairyArsedMan Great news on your date. How exciting 😁

@VanGoghsDog I would tell the neck kisser that you have cut contact as he is a sexual creep despite you telling him not to keep kissing you or talking about hugs and kissing.
I quite like walking on my own, it means I can think about things. If I walk with someone we just chat which is also nice but not always what you want.

@HairyArsedMan glad your date went well ☺

That neck kisser guy sounds awful being such a pest!

Thought I was having a decent conversation with a 'normal' bloke but he quickly tried to turn it sexual. I only asked him if he likes running and he started to say how he's in bed in just his lycra after going for a run etc 🤢

@bangheadhere40 he was wearing the Lycra he'd been running in to bed??! 🤢

@HairyArsedMan love it when the sparks start upon first sight of pulling up in the car! Long may it continue for you.

Mr M and I are doing so well, I spoke to one of his kids on the phone and I went so shy and nervous I didn't know what to say 🙈 my children are very young and I know exactly how to talk to young kids but older ones I've had absolutely zero experience with and I'm obviously really keen for them to like me. I feel in person would be easier but goodness knows when that will be. I've never had any relationship with kids on either sides having to meet etc so absolutely out of comfort zone here.

Yes Frankie urgh, he then tried to ask if I liked 'spooning'. I just blocked him.

Don't worry I'm sure you came over absolutely fine on the phone 🙂

I get so bored walking on my own. I'm on my own all day every day so I have plenty of time to think. I actually want someone to chat to. Last weekend I did nine miles with my friend, on my own I get bored after an hour and the most I can manage is four miles.

Yuck to getting into bed in any outdoor clothes, let alone those you've cycled in.

I once spoke to a bf's kids on the phone before I'd met them, it was really odd, but they just asked me who was my favourite big brother contestant. I'd not watched it so I asked who they liked and why and then just agreed with them!

@HairyArsedMan glad to hear the date went well! Do you have a second one lined up yet?

@VanGoghsDog you could just reply with "all of the above" I'm the same as you with walking - so bored of it now, although I've been on a few long ones with a friend (someone I went on a date with just before I met Miss H actually, and have become good friends) as she loves walking. My legs always ache for a couple of days after going out with her!

I'm going through a dry patch on the apps currently - have spent a long time swiping, but no matches recently and the few chats I've got have turned really dull. It's rather draining trying to keep a conversation flowing when it's only me asking questions, so I've deleted a couple that were really one-sided. One would only respond with a gif, rather than actual words - I gave up with her pretty quickly.

The only slightly interesting thing to have happened is that Miss Polish (the snooty one from a couple of months ago) got back in touch to say hi, and she's currently the only match who I'm having an interesting conversation with. So my only potential match is a Covid-conspiracy theorist who thinks she's too good for anyone and refuses to do anything until she can be taken to a swanky restaurant. Sad times!

@frankiefirstyear Do Mr M's kids think you're a friend or a girlfriend?
How old are they?

@SortingItOut, a friend, but I think they will have picked up that it could be more because of the amount of phone calls.
The eldest is just starting secondary school, the other is next year down. Whereas mine are preschoolers so much easier to seem cool to that age range 😅

Thanks for the welcome! So Mr Glasses and I have kept chatting all weekend, he’s had his kids and so have I so it’s been evenings only. He’s asked if I want to speak on the phone next week which I’m happy with if I can get some quiet time away from the kids! Not sure whether to suggest moving to WhatsApp, my WiFi security (teenagers!) means I have to switch to 4g to check my messages on the apps and I don’t get notifications which is a right pain. I suppose if he wants to chat on the phone we’ll have to exchange numbers anyway...

@frankiefirstyear Does he have his kids all the time?
I'm just wondering why he needs to speak to you when he has his kids there?

It seems quite early on to speak to his kids IMHO.

I'm just mindful of kids getting their hopes up or getting to know you even as a 'friend'.

Sitting on my hands trying not to get back on the apps till April 😬

Definitely feeling a bit lonely but don’t think seeking supportive companionship from the sex hounds is going to help the situation. Or collecting blokes I don’t quite fancy as “mates” and everyone getting frustrated.

I think with the lack of date places I don’t want to have to meet someone for a walk/coffee and then feel I’ve got to escalate to my place soon after?

Keep looking at photos of MrPM - nothing creepy to see here, move along people

My WhatsApp went off today and it was a (pleasant and welcome) group message but of course I wanted it to be MrPM.

(I’m enjoying being silly with the crush as there’s not much else to do romantically, not bought my wedding dress yet just planned it !)

@SortingItOut he has them most of the time. It is after their bedtime but they go back down for drinks/chargers/toys etc etc 🤦‍♀️

I'm really not sure with timescales etc but we've known each other a long time but just started dating.

@SpringlikeBunk you make me laugh so much.

I'm crushing bad on Mr HT but just letting him do his thing. Ms Jam and I climbed 3 hills yesterday. We posted some lovely pictures on FB - Mr HT liked my post (we've been FB friends for a couple of weeks now, but that's the first time he liked a post) he also went a (less strenuous) stroll. He also posted pictures so I liked his post.
I know that's what friends do but I was thinking it's a step. Haha I'm such a nutter aren't I? but I've only 'liked' two posts and I've been careful not to come across as a stalking crazy.

I'm not sure what I last told you all. I should look back but I think it was that he messaged last Saturday after a few days quiet. We've exchanged just a few messages every day since. Loads on Monday and Tuesday and he stayed over Tuesday night. We didn't talk about us. It was just lovely and passionate. On Wednesday he said he had a smile on his face all day.
On Thursday afternoon he responded but didn't engage when I tried to chat - but then on Thursday evening he sent 'anyway .... insert really random thing to start a chat... I responded but didn't chitchat back. An hour later I got another random different 'anyway...' 😁

He's had his daughter this weekend thus just light messaging. I just got mine back here tonight. I'm only 'off' mummy duty Tuesday and Wednesday this week so I don't know if I'll see him.

Ooh lovely message from MrPM to say goodnight and responding very nicely and thoughtfully to my last message - he’s clarified that he’s looking forward to when things open so I think that’s the goal?

I googled his dating culture and apparently the men can come across as a bit slow/non-passionate at the start but are great when they go steady with someone. 🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️

Good going on those Sunday hills @cravingthelook 💪🏽😊

It was yesterday @SpringlikeBunk but it was the 10th, 2nd then 1st highest peaks in the Pentlands 😁

Thanks for the warm welcome :) I was ready to give up but then a had a promising chat for the last few days, I don't think I'm going to respond anymore as he isn't asking many questions and it feels like he's uninterested but too polite to say. Quite a few matches but I just don't understand why people match with you then don't even say hi .

@Understartersorders

Thanks for the welcome! So Mr Glasses and I have kept chatting all weekend, he’s had his kids and so have I so it’s been evenings only. He’s asked if I want to speak on the phone next week which I’m happy with if I can get some quiet time away from the kids! Not sure whether to suggest moving to WhatsApp, my WiFi security (teenagers!) means I have to switch to 4g to check my messages on the apps and I don’t get notifications which is a right pain. I suppose if he wants to chat on the phone we’ll have to exchange numbers anyway...

You can a) change the WiFi to just block the kids' devices at whatever time, not your devices, and/or b) you can set your phone to allow app notifications on 4g, mine does. I think you can set it per app, so you can still avoid Twitter and other nonsense.

@frankiefirstyear unless you've been a friend who has met the kids before I would be enjoying the times when its just you two.
Bringing kids into the mix, even just phone calls, is moving it on so quickly.
Dating is about fun and enjoying the moment while forgetting everything else.
You dont want to get to the stage where you're stepmum early on and seeing him when he has his kids as whats fun about that.

Wow @cravingthelook 👌

@Nutellaplease I think a lot of people match as a preliminary screen then only message a couple (or might not even be there for dating or chatting just to swipe on everyone and see who likes their photos as an attention thing!)

So I wouldn’t worry about it - I was a bit surprised when I first got into tinder as I thought it was like “winks” on match.com where it was a way of starting a conversation but it’s not the same. I could have loads of nice looking matches and only one message (normally from a creepy guy 😂)

Have you brought up the idea of meeting with the guy you’re chatting to?

I’m never sure about the questions it’s tricky - I know some daters prefer to be asked them but equally some people just like finding out about others organically?

@frankiefirstyear I agree with @SortingItOut - I have been with Mr G almost 5 months now and we have not met each others kids. I don't want to. He has spoken to my DD because I couldn't sort out my internet router and she is smarter than me so he talked her through it instead - so she knows he exists but hasn't asked to meet him. Because of his gnarly situation with the ex I am of the mindset we aren't ever going to merge lives. In a way, lockdown is facilitating us. I go to his for weekends and we stay in and it is lovely. We don't have to think about anything else. But when we come out of it - real life! And that fucking killed off my relationship with Mr Beard. Mr G is lovely and adores me, but I still think about Mr Beard all the time. It is a year this week I first slept with him and I still miss him so much. We were so incompatible and yet I can't get over him at all. Ridiculous.

On the subject of grey hair, I've been going grey since my late 30s and I just dye it into oblivion! Currently my hair is blonde with scarlet stripes. I am not a lover of the natural look!

@VanGoghsDog - neck kissing guy sounds so creepy! I'd definitely do solo walk rather than deal with that

@HairyArsedMan - do you have a second date lined up? She sounds promising!

Am in work today and can't focus! I do hate working from home. Does anyone else struggle?