Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@UtterSocks Thanks, I'm flattered I think I'd prefer it if the thread could give me a haircut somehow. Maybe the love of a good woman will drag Mr G's head out of the sand ?

@LuckyLinda3 Oh. I do not like it when someone says they'll try to do something without explaining exactly where the impediment to doing something lies. It makes you think the reality of their thinking is 'will do if I can be arsed'.

I have paused the apps. I can't be bothered to have pointless conversations with men who are probably as bored as I am.

I think the lockdown has led to laziness in dating - it seems to be just chat forever with no goal, or meet for endless walks. Noone can surprise you, or treat you, or take you to their favourite restaurant, etc.

MrWG has so much going on he's too busy to meet, he's not messaged me all week anyway. I'm off to my mum's at the end of next week so had to end my MrWG bubble for ten days before I go (I'm not so bothered about the other side, it's not like my mum would pass Covid to us). We both have vulnerable parents and I'm very risk averse and very bad at breaking rules (breaking rules by having him as my bubble as he provides childcare for his sister and goes to support his parents once a week and stays over), so we're quite stymied, probably until we've both been jabbed.

A other dull weekend coming up.

Good luck with your coffee date @HairyArsedMan and anyone else with dates this weekend!

I had a strange one yesterday - she liked me, and made a comment about how hot I was (which is a first!). She looked nice too, and had a couple of things in common in her profile so I matched her back and we started chatting.

It was a really weird conversation - half of it was her telling me how much I turned her on, and the other half was chatting about our shared interests! I suggested we speak on the phone, so had a call and got on really well - was on the phone for well over an hour, and although it was late she didn't want to let me go. We had tons in common (hobbies, grew up in the same place etc...), and both were on a very similar wave length. The chat on the phone wasn't sexual at all - just a really good chat.

We suggested a video call this weekend, and then meeting for a walk on Sunday assuming we both till wanted to meet. All good so far. She messaged me this morning telling me how much she enjoyed our chat, and what effect my voice had on her - I won't go into details but she seemed to really enjoy it (a couple of times!), and was telling me everything she wanted to do to me.

I said I was more than happy to continue with that type of conversation, but preferred to wait until I'd actually met someone so restrained myself somewhat in my replies, but I did respond a bit (maybe a level 4 to her 8) and also asked a couple of questions about what she liked. And then - bam, she disappeared!

Felt a bit gutted initially, but maybe it was a lucky escape. She'd mentioned that she'd split from a long term relationship a few months ago, so I'm guessing she's a bit up and down emotionally.

In other news, I'm seeing Miss Forest again this weekend - we've kept in touch, and she mentioned enjoying my company so I suggested maybe we could see each other casually which she was happy with - although I'm not sure I'm capable of doing that without getting attached (see exhibit A: Miss H). I'm going to be honest and say I like spending time with her, and maybe we put a stop to things a bit prematurely last time. Hopefully with lockdown easing soon it'll seem a bit more viable with her limited free time.

@VanGoghsDog absolutely agree with your comment about laziness in dating!

Oh I've got myself in to a muddle. I decided to phone Mr Spreadsheet who I've been speaking to and am due to meet. I was on the fence but speaking to him has confirmed we aren't a match.

He just messaged after and said how amazing it was to speak to me and he likes me even more now 😒

I didn't think it flowed, he thinks it went great. He's a lovely guy but I'm not feeling it at all. I'm not sure how to let him down gently...I don't want to just ghost him or anything but don't want to be horrible at the same time.

@bangheadhere40, I think you have follow your gut. You have mentioned several times that you are unsure about him and something didn't feel right after the initial excitement at his attention. I would be kind and keep it simple.

@bangheadhere40 agree with onesmallstep

just do it simply ASAP. You’ll feel a lot better when it’s done.

“Hi X, after communicating with you I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but overall don’t feel we’d be a romantic match in person.

I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, so would like to cancel meeting.

All the best in your search and for the future.

Regards Y “

If he’s gone OTT and got overinvested it’s really not your responsibility?

Wait for reply but just block if he starts trying to argue his way back in etc - you don’t need to justify yourself you’re not in a committed relationship!

Thank you both...I will go with that I think sleepy or similar. I don't want to waste his time.

Sorry spring

Can't help but think lucky escape there cat - she sounds a bit much and I imagine she'd do your head in.

Be kind to yourself with Miss Forest - if you think you might fall where she won't, maybe you should bail...

I've got a new chat going that's alright so far. He's made me laugh. It will probably fizzle though so I won't give him a name yet.

@wewantthefinestwines haha that's usually my mistake...I think the chats good, name them...then it fizzles!

Lol with MrPM I guess if it fizzles it fizzles - there’s nothing I could do about it.

At present he seems to like the look of me on paper (I tend to do well at first dates/meets so I’m confident if we get to that stage it could be cool).

He’s a friendly sounding guy in a city with a lot of attractive women (I’m next city down).

So I might get benched or ghosted before the meet

But then again, things can stop and start - I learned from communicating (or not!) with MrMilitary over the last year that if the spark or potential spark is there, ‘lightly’ staying in touch doesn’t necessarily hurt.

I’m sending a cutesy random message in a couple weeks if I don’t hear from him (nothing too heavy like a photo of my vag titled LOOK WHAT U COULD HAVE HAD DO U REGRET IT!!) but some scenery or something

Lol Spring a photo of your vag 😄😄😄

I politely messaged Mr Spreadsheet and apologised but said I don't think we will be a match in person and i don't want to waste his time. I feel a bit mean for doing so as he's lovely but it's best to say now than keep it going ( I think).

Oh god why is is the ones that you don't really bother about think you're amazing and the ones you really like are so unbothered about you 🤔

@Eesha Sounds like your life is pretty good and not angsting over the apps must be lovely.
I probably should head over to the style and beauty boards, found my first white hairs at 40 and now I feel really old.
Good luck with your interview this week.

@LongtimelurkerL I think its a bit early to be asking what you are. Being exclusive and off the apps is perfect for now.
Do you know what you want from him?
I would give it a further month to see how you are both getting on before you ask question 4.
I think its about 3mths before a mask can slip.

@frankiefirstyear Has your iron been in contact after flaking on the date?
Who could resist netflix and chill?

Good luck those with dates this weekend

@SortingItOut thanks for asking, yes all fine, he rearranged. Happy to say it's absolute bliss and things are going so well between us.

How's things with Mr K?

@frankiefirstyear I'm glad he rearranged and things are going well.
Its hard not to take it personally when they cancel seeing you.

All good with Mr K, didn't see him last night as he had his son 1 day early as the mum has gone away.
I was quite pleased as I had all of this morning to myself, normally Mr K is here until 11 and I don't feel I can do housework or anything so sit and chat to him when actually I've got loads to do.
Roll on when kids football starts again as he'll leave by 9🤣

I do really like him and love spending time with him but equally I love my own time and space.

Slightly concerned about the 4 white hairs I found, I'm only 40.
Mr K said he doesn't want a girlfriend with grey hair so will buy me hair dye.....i told him I'm not prepared to dye my hair.
Not sure if he was joking or not but I'm prepared to walk away if need be and I told him that 🤣

@SortingItOut 🤣 I know exactly why you mean, real life can't seem to start until they've gone can it, I remember feeling the same blind panic about how I'd fit everything in once whoever it was at the time, had left! No issues with that here, he can't sleep over because my kids don't know about him!
I'm also envious of you not having any white hairs til 40! Mine started years ago and decided about 6 months ago to go natural, so have a good 10cm of roots now, but Mr M seems unperturbed, though he did mention he thought it was nice. Hope he was joking, you've done much better than me getting that far with none 😃

@SortingItOut my hair is REALLY white at parts and I look so tired. Can't wait to get my hair done as someone in my bubble can do it. Yay!! Need to look hot for that school run

Thanks @SortingItOut yeah I could see myself with him long term but will wait a bit longer as you suggest - could all come crumbling down!!

Lol to the white hairs convo - still ok here

I’ve started white hairs lol (mid thirties). Tend to pluck them out but my hair is fairly thin

Overall I’m quite body confident right now, finally got rid of my big zit (happiest day of the year tho there’s a red mark), lose a couple pounds.

I have lots of lovely clothes which are suitable for dating

so resisting the temptation to buy more and trying to focus on drinking more water/exercise etc

Although I’m body confident and feeling attractive is important , definitely trying to play up my non sexual geek side a bit more in dating now?

Starting Eva Fitness on YouTube today 💪🏽😁

The conversation with Miss E fizzled out quickly. Oh well, such is app life.

I finally met up with Miss G today. It was brief but she seemed very nice and quite keen for a repeat. She does have a condition which probably explains her earlier reluctance to meet up too soon. As far as I am aware (too early to discuss this sort of thing), it's not something that would prevent a normal relationship (including raising a family) but I can't say that I'm not a bit apprehensive.

Eva fitness was good but I need to do it on a laptop as my mobile screen is too small. Plus I’m really unfit after illness/winter 😬

Got a random message from MrMilitary seemed to be fishing to come see me but I was honest and said I was struggling with lockdown and just trying to stick to the basics for my mental health right now (rather than worrying about the logistics of hosting etc).

I’m just not in the right place for sex focussed dates right now and would prefer to hold out for “out dates” next month. Hoping for a quick staycation in MrPMs city (not specifically to see him just a change of scene) so if things are open we can do a meet then - I want to get dressed up and have a conversation in a nice venue with a fancy glass of something!

I am so sick of this lockdown now (as I’m sure you all are too!) In Ireland we don’t have any end dates - maybe some easing after Easter but minimal:(
We are limited to essential travel within 5km of home only. I’m going rogue tomorrow and going to travel 12km to meet Mr TG for a coffee/walk assuming I don’t get stopped by the law 😂😂 I haven’t seen him for 3 weeks so I wish it was more than a walk and a car park kiss 😕 but I’ll take it:)

@Mayzee feeling your pain! Longing for sunday sips in the beer garden. Hope tomorrow goes well for you.

@Mayzee thats so shitty, I would have thought everywhere was easing by Easter.

I'm currently planning an Easter egg hunt. The glamour!