I’ve been dumped
Ricekrispiess · 21/02/2021 06:54
Please go gentle on me I’ve been having a really tough time in this lockdown. Cut a long story short, been arguing a lot with (now ex) DP. About once a week - over really silly things. I told him I had been feeling really depressed with this lockdown, and during the convo he said “your completely different today compared to Wednesday”. I took offence to this, as I felt he was implying I can’t have different moods on different days. I am a editable atm feeling like a caged animal and said back “well if you don’t like it then F off”. He proceeded to pack his stuff and leave. He goes home and likes a girls provocative photo n Instagram. This is a boundary for me, my ex cheated via social media and he knows this. Don’t mind liking girls photos who are your friend, but provocative pics triggers bad memories for me and he knows this. My ex was very abusive and would deliberately try to make me feel insecure my getting his phone and pointing out girls and comparing me to them. It really took its toll on me and I considered suicide at the time cos I felt so worthless. So when I first got with dp I explained this is a boundary for me, I don’t mind liking friends pics etc but provocative pics is a trigger for me. Anyways I ended up letting it slide that DP liked this provocative pic, as he was drunk and thought we were over. Then on Valentine’s Day we had a little bicker over nothing and he ended things with me, but told me he said it in the heat of the moment and took it back soon after. Said he did want to be with me. Still done damage to me and made me feel insecure. At the start of our relationship, I found out DP had “”liked” this other girls provocative photo on Instagram when we first got together, I asked him who she was, he said a friend. So at that point I explained how my ex had been very emotionally manipulative and abusive making me jealous and insecure on purpose with other girls on Instagram in a way to control me, and it was a boundary of mine going forward. When we were talking the other day and I was opening up more about my past abusive relationship, the subject got brought up again. He admitted that the girl who’s pic he liked is not actually a friend, but a girl he slept with a couple years ago. I was quite miffed why he’d lie, and he said it was early doors and he didn’t want to put me off. He ended up deleting this girl off Instagram for which I was grateful. Fast forward a week, had a brilliant night Friday and drink was involved and he took something I said the wrong way. He then told me today it’s for the best that we split up. I’ve obviously told my best friend he’s split up with me, and she went on Instagram and said he had blocked her. I thought that was weird. Call it gut instinct but I have an account for DD and went on it to see and noticed he’d followed this girl again. This girl he slept with 2 years ago?? I just don’t understand why he’d do this and it’s made me feel really really insecure. This is a girl who’s he’s not spoken to in 2 years but as soon as he splits with me he adds her on Instagram. It just makes me feel like I’m never good enough and wonder what’s the point
Wheresmyfuckingphone · 21/02/2021 06:58
It sounds like he's deliberately playing games with your mind and trying to upset you. Horrible as any break up is, he's done you a favour and if you take him back, will keep doing the same things to get a reaction from you.
He's not a nice boyfriend, he's a dick.
Wheresmyfuckingphone · 21/02/2021 06:58
Chocolatefordinner · 21/02/2021 07:01
He’s not a keeper. He will do nothing for your mood and insecurities in life. Do you want this man raising your daughter?
Be single, love yourself, you are enough. The right person won’t treat you like this.
Wiredforsound · 21/02/2021 07:01
You sound very controlling. Policing someone’s Likes on Instagram and then complaining to them if they like something you don’t approve of is odd behaviour and I can’t imagine anyone being comfortable with that. I think that splitting up was the right thing to do and that you’d benefit from some therapy to help you get over your abusive ex.
Thisisaterribleplay · 21/02/2021 07:03
I didn't read the rest after the part where you told him to fuck off. You told him to fuck off so he did.
Oysterbabe · 21/02/2021 07:04
This relationship sounds awful. Just end it for good. Being alone is better than arguing and breaking up every 5 minutes and stressing yourself out stalking every single thing he does on Instagram.
TheRosariojewels · 21/02/2021 07:06
It sounds like it is for the best. Perhaps less focus on social media maybe a good idea for the future.
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:07
I think you need some therapy to help get over old issues. Your partner pointing out that your moods fluctuate on different days isn't an entirely unreasonable observation (unless done nastily, of course). I don't think any relationship would be healthy for you, as things stand at the moment.
Itsamess8456 · 21/02/2021 07:08
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship - from either sides. If the split continues, you need to spend time being kind to yourself and building your own confidence and life.
Cheeserton · 21/02/2021 07:08
Not sure why you care really, given that you basically told him to fuck off out of it.
BMHM · 21/02/2021 07:31
I think it sounds for the best. I know it must be really difficult right now, but it'll get better and you'll come out the other side.
Ricekrispiess · 21/02/2021 07:39
Thank you for the ones who have went gentle on me. Sad thing is I’ve been in therapy for over a year and it just hasn’t helped me. I wonder what’s the point anymore
SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 21/02/2021 07:50
It sounds like you will be better off out of this relationship! Take time to work on yourself and what you want!
Stop settling for this idiot, you are worth more than this!
chocolateorangeinhaler · 21/02/2021 08:00
So you had a bad experience with one guy now every guy after must pay ?
On some level you need to accept what happened and find a way of moving on. Having a 'poor me' pity part is narcissistic and very unhealthy for you mentally.
An old cliche maybe but try and find a hobby or something to do that isn't social media based. Delete, insta, fb, Twitter. They will all make you feel awful.
One day you will suddenly have a realization that your ok on your own and don't need someone to be someone.
Namechanger0800 · 21/02/2021 08:14
This isn't the guy for you. I think you need to spend some time building your self esteem and self worth as well as getting properly over your ex. You can only really ever control how you deal with things and respond d to things - trying to control the actions of others or letting what they do determine your happiness is not the way to go. I can't imagine ever having a conversation with a newish guy about what he can or can't like on social media. Be in a position where u have your boundaries and can choose to accept or not what a guy is really like.
See this as a blessing - spending your days arguing with someone and obsessing over social media doesn't sound like a happy relationship. Try to make peace with your demons and don't start another relationship until you are ready
user1493494961 · 21/02/2021 08:25
The break-up seems for the best, I also think you should have a break from social media.
Blinky22 · 21/02/2021 08:29
This sounds like a right between immature teenagers. Grow up! This is NOT a relationship.
Playnoh · 21/02/2021 08:35
I think you need to seek further help and maybe be happy alone before a relationship. This sounds toxic on both sides. It’s hard but don’t look him up and just concentrate on yourself.
Teapotsandtablecloths · 21/02/2021 08:45
You both sound toxic and better off apart.
maddening · 21/02/2021 08:48
Far too much drama.
You need to address your previous relationship on your own to achieve closure and not drag.it in to future relationships.
What was the abuse in the previous relationship other than the showing you social media pics?
LApprentiSorcier · 21/02/2021 08:51
OP, you might want to report your thread and ask for it to be moved to Relationships, as you are likely to get some harsher responses in AIBU.
Hoping you can move on from this - that's the best thing to do.
MzHz · 21/02/2021 08:51
Therapy can’t fix a bad relationship and you can change how you think when your in a bad relationship
Your exDp needs to stay ex. He’s not a good man and you absolutely need the space to work on yourself
I know you can’t see it right now, but this split is a good thing.
Use this chance to learn about yourself and grow stronger
Don’t settle for long dodgy men like this bloke.
Ughmaybenot · 21/02/2021 08:53
This all sounds so childish and ridiculous.
In the first example, he made a seemingly innocent comment, you told him to fuck off. Are you always that defensive and aggressive? If so, I can see why he wants out.
The Instagram thing.. it’s a boundary of yours, and that’s fine, but it is a bit controlling to check on who he’s following etc.
Bottom line is that you’re not right together, let him go.
Emilizz34 · 21/02/2021 08:58
You’re both better off out of this relationship . He sounds a bit insensitive and childish and you sound controlling . I understand why your past has made you sensitive to certain things but you don’t get to dictate what another adult does. If you’re not being treated well then get rid of him and move on . No one should even have to ask their partner not to like provocative pictures on social media as a committed partner wouldn’t be doing it in the first place
DianaT1969 · 21/02/2021 08:59
There are so many things here. You think that someone's value is to be found in their looks. You have made provocative girls on social media your competition. Trouble is, our youthful (provocative) looks fade. What are you going to do when you're 65? How are you going to compete with them then? Can you see what short-lived madness this is.
You also carry the 'scars' of your ex too openly. Don't tell new relationships any of it. Especially don't tell them that you were suicidal. To them, that's a red flag that you'll be the same if they leave you, or mess up.
So what if this guy slept with someone a couple of years ago. We all have history. But you are comparing yourself to her. If I compared myself to every woman my partner has been with, I wouldn't have headspace for much else. You admitted stalking his social media a few times, getting your friend to do it, and then using your daughter's accounti suspect that his liking these pictures is a 'f**k you' to you for being controlling.
Do not try to get back with him. Arguing weekly is not normal. I suspect that you could create an argument in an empty room. That's not to blame you - but to point out that you aren't ready for a relationship. Focus on being single. Enjoy it. Put your thoughts and energy into your family, job, hobbies. One day, you might realise that if you step away from social media, it's easier to live in the real world and see what is right in front of you.
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