I’ve been dumped

[Ricekrispiess]

Hi all,
Please go gentle on me I’ve been having a really tough time in this lockdown. Cut a long story short, been arguing a lot with (now ex) DP. About once a week - over really silly things. I told him I had been feeling really depressed with this lockdown, and during the convo he said “your completely different today compared to Wednesday”. I took offence to this, as I felt he was implying I can’t have different moods on different days. I am a editable atm feeling like a caged animal and said back “well if you don’t like it then F off”. He proceeded to pack his stuff and leave. He goes home and likes a girls provocative photo n Instagram. This is a boundary for me, my ex cheated via social media and he knows this. Don’t mind liking girls photos who are your friend, but provocative pics triggers bad memories for me and he knows this. My ex was very abusive and would deliberately try to make me feel insecure my getting his phone and pointing out girls and comparing me to them. It really took its toll on me and I considered suicide at the time cos I felt so worthless. So when I first got with dp I explained this is a boundary for me, I don’t mind liking friends pics etc but provocative pics is a trigger for me. Anyways I ended up letting it slide that DP liked this provocative pic, as he was drunk and thought we were over. Then on Valentine’s Day we had a little bicker over nothing and he ended things with me, but told me he said it in the heat of the moment and took it back soon after. Said he did want to be with me. Still done damage to me and made me feel insecure. At the start of our relationship, I found out DP had “”liked” this other girls provocative photo on Instagram when we first got together, I asked him who she was, he said a friend. So at that point I explained how my ex had been very emotionally manipulative and abusive making me jealous and insecure on purpose with other girls on Instagram in a way to control me, and it was a boundary of mine going forward. When we were talking the other day and I was opening up more about my past abusive relationship, the subject got brought up again. He admitted that the girl who’s pic he liked is not actually a friend, but a girl he slept with a couple years ago. I was quite miffed why he’d lie, and he said it was early doors and he didn’t want to put me off. He ended up deleting this girl off Instagram for which I was grateful. Fast forward a week, had a brilliant night Friday and drink was involved and he took something I said the wrong way. He then told me today it’s for the best that we split up. I’ve obviously told my best friend he’s split up with me, and she went on Instagram and said he had blocked her. I thought that was weird. Call it gut instinct but I have an account for DD and went on it to see and noticed he’d followed this girl again. This girl he slept with 2 years ago?? I just don’t understand why he’d do this and it’s made me feel really really insecure. This is a girl who’s he’s not spoken to in 2 years but as soon as he splits with me he adds her on Instagram. It just makes me feel like I’m never good enough and wonder what’s the point

So true @gutful, i realise now that when i left my abusive x at 37, i stalled my healing for a good few years punishing myself doing jillian michaels workouts 5 times a week. It wasnt the right path. I had two young dc and no car and walked everywhere.

At some point i hadva sense i was getting in my own way and i just stopped and started to read a lot of helpful books. Now i do a bit of yoga when i feel like i need it. Once maybe twice a week. I still walk everywhere but healing, emotional intelligence, social psychology and philosophy for living take up my time now.

Walking is really all the exercise you need 😊. You’re gaining positivity with your reading too - well done OP, once you understand your behaviour you can work on it and start developing confidence and self esteem.

@Sunshine3013

Seems to me you can dish it out but can't take it when it's done to you. You ended things with him, then was upset that he ended things with you. Your constantly bringing up your ex and what he did.... Your behaviour doesn't sound fair to be honest and I think you've caused this issue with your now ex.

Constantly bringing up my ex to who?

You are definitely doing the right thing by focussing on healing yourself. The journaling is a great idea.

Talking therapies can be hit and miss I think. And sometimes they can make things worse before they get better, if it uncovers a lot of pain.

Have you heard of dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT)? It it similar to CBT but focuses on helping you to manage your emotions. There are books explaining the therapy by Marsha Lineham, and there are some useful apps which use DBT ideas.

How are you op? Sounds like he's playing games, concentrate on yourself, sending hugs x

@Thisisaterribleplay

I didn't read the rest after the part where you told him to fuck off. You told him to fuck off so he did.

Yep, me too. Everything else is past tense.

It shouldn't be that hard, its best its over. In your next relationship and sign of game playing end it immediately

If you didn’t read the rest how did you know that lol

You sound very immature, with a whole load of issues. You sound as much to blame for this toxic relationship as him. You should be single and continue your therapy for the foreseeable. You need to work on yourself

Yeah I agrees with comments that say this not a healthy relationship. You two together are just not compatible. Work on yourself and your own self esteem before entering into anything else.