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Original poster

Crush on neighbour

130 replies

AdaHopper · 18/02/2021 23:49

I have a huge crush on my neighbour across the street. I am recently divorced and still living in the marital home. I am moving to my own house at the end of March.

When I told my next door neighbour about the divorce recently, she said, 'oh like Mr x' across the road.

Mr. X just happens to be dreamy. I have never really paid much attention before because I was married as was he. But now I can't stop thinking about him.

But I am soooo out of practice. How do I go about this without losing face? I already sent a message to the street whatsapp to offer eggs to any willing neighbour (chicken eggs, obviously) and he came to collect some. So what now?

Also, he lives literally across the street. On the minute chance he is also interested, would it be really akward seeing as his house overlooks my STBX's house? My ex lives in the US 5 weeks out of 8 if that's relevant.

Help me out mumsnet. What's my next move? Or should I wait for him?

OP posts:
lifehack · 15/03/2021 14:58

I would leave it for now, give him chance you contact you if he's interested, if you don't hear anything by the time you move out, just send a quick message to say that you're leaving now and it would be nice to keep in touch and leave it at that.

Lsquiggles · 15/03/2021 15:08

I'd definitely let him arrange the next time you see eachother, let him make the effort Smile if he likes you he will

Jesskir89 · 15/03/2021 15:25

Just ask him if he's interested

StarlightLady · 16/03/2021 05:11

OP, have you tried taking your knix off and throwing them at him? I find that way, they usually take the hint. 😂

Nitpickpicnic · 16/03/2021 05:52

Ooo Op, I’m really envious of your crush feeling. I’m so ripe for that now, any emotion regarding the opposite sex that isn’t anger, resentment or betrayal. Coming out of a 20 year relationship is doing my head in.

I went to a friend’s daughter’s first communion on the weekend, and was my usual chatty self. At one point I was sat next to a lovely man my age and was just thinking ‘isn’t this nice’ when his wife? Partner? Practically yanked him out of his seat to put him protectively next to her. Daggers for eyes. I nearly wet myself laughing. The very idea that I could be seen as a threat? I’m still giggling about it. She’ll never know what a massive compliment she’s given me. Or that other people’s men are not my thing at all.

I hope your last 2 weeks as his neighbour cement something further- or otherwise that you properly luxuriate in that tingly feeling. Good luck!

Fieldsofstars · 16/03/2021 06:25

Definitely just go for the main prize here, what have you got to lose?

Original poster
AdaHopper · 19/03/2021 20:59

I am a wuss. Another coffee was had today. Time flew again. I like him a little more. But I sense I shouldn't try to push it too much.
Also, I have to keep you all in suspense, along with myself.

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 19/03/2021 21:30

Its been long enough now after 3 coffee dates and you're moving soon! Reach in for a snog! He can be your bubble lol

KnowlWay · 19/03/2021 21:31

This is so good. Agree don’t rush it but a few coffees then the odd wine is enjoyable isn’t it. Thank you very much for the update.

seensome · 19/03/2021 21:34

If you sense you shouldn't push it then you're probably not getting the vibes he fancies you, surely there would be some flirtation if there was.

Meezer2 · 19/03/2021 22:38

Following as I have to know how this goes!

Original poster
AdaHopper · 19/03/2021 23:12

Socially distanced coffee dates aren't good for flirting. And I have my DC 5 weeks in a row full-time, so not really an opportunity for wine unless he invites me to his.
The moving will be a good thing. Our houses are literally straight apposite each other. His bedroom window is opposite mine. I can see into his open plan living space if he leaves his curtains open. It is NOT good! I feel like a stalker. Also, i am only moving 4k away and I will apparently be close to where is parents live.

I am still not sure if he is interested. He did ask me if I would be busy with the move next week. So instead of letting him suggest something, I rambled on about taking days off work for the move and then sent him on his way. 🙈

I am clearly out of practice. Now I will have to wait to see if he contacts me.

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 19/03/2021 23:16

Just ask him outright. BTW neighbour I'm interested in you, can I ask if its reciprocated? Dont get stuck in the friend zone x

StarlightLady · 20/03/2021 06:06

OP, you need to get yourself into suspenders rather than keeping us in suspence.

And maybe the time has come to forget to close the curtains while you go for the nightime get ready for bed routine. 💥

woollysheeps · 20/03/2021 06:16

@Febo24

Please report back then!
Please! Crushes are nice and make you feel good.
lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 20/03/2021 06:34

Op I have exactly this! We got chatting in the brief period of respite over the summer and I really liked him after that. We always say hi, wave etc. He came to my door to tell me I'd left my car lights on once which would have been a good chance to chat but I looked awful and wanted him gone! I have no idea if there is anything on his side there but there certainly is on mine. Hardly seen anything of him over winter as people just aren't outside doing jobs are they ? (I miss seeing him 'tinkering' with his bike outside the front of his house!)

Anyway my friend talking me into doing something proactive in September which I thought was a good plan. Is there anything you know he is good at?
There was an issue with my DS's bike and I know he is good with them. My idea was to knock on his door and ask him to have a look at it in my back garden. Then there would be a chance for a longer conversation.. I had a couple of beers in the fridge in preparation!

I finally plucked up the courage to knock on his door...

He was out.. I tried a couple of hours later. Still out.

I have never had the nerve to do it again plus then came lockdown again etc

But it could have been good. Could you try anything like that once restrictions are eased? Or if you are moving away then would you be brave enough to stick a note through the door before you go?

Yes updates needed!

Original poster
AdaHopper · 20/03/2021 08:19

I will if you will lemons 😉

OP posts:
daffodilsspring · 20/03/2021 08:36

Just to give you a perspective from the other side...

I've been friends with my neighbour for a couple of years, he's been a great support in lockdown etc. I never thought of him as anything other than a friend.

Anyway a few weeks ago he confessed he'd liked me for a long time and asked me out on a date. He's v shy and so I know it took a lot for him to say anything. I was initially v confused but as I liked him as a friend (and didn't want to hurt his feelings) I agreed - we both discussed that it might be weird and awkward and if so we'd just laugh about it and go back to being just friends.

Him mentioning how he felt totally changed the dynamic between us and we ended up kissing (we're support bubbled anyway) Blushbefore we even went on the date and, well, the rest is history - we've spent the last few weeks sneaking kisses whenever we can BlushWinkGrin.

So @AdaHopper as you're moving anyway then I say go for it, what do you have to lose...?

havecourage8bekind · 20/03/2021 13:20

I feel like I'm missing out...all my neighbours are old, women, married or vile!

Original poster
AdaHopper · 20/03/2021 18:16

Dafodil. What a lovely story. I am still hopeful but also a little realistic in my expectations.

I will focus on getting my house packed up the next week. And then I might leave him a note as suggested. If he doesn't respond of laughs in my face, I can go ans lick my wounds and won't need to see him again.

I found out today that another family in my (current) street might be moving very close to my new house too. Our DC are best friends and it was painful to have to move the kids away from them.

So all in all I am starting to really enjoy my life. I have even quit my job and start a new one in about 3 weeks. A man on my life would be the icing, but just cake will do me fine for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdaHopper · 20/03/2021 18:16

Though he really is dreamy

OP posts:
woollysheeps · 20/03/2021 18:39

@havecourage8bekind

I feel like I'm missing out...all my neighbours are old, women, married or vile!
😂
Original poster
AdaHopper · 20/03/2021 18:46

@havecourage8bekind

I feel like I'm missing out...all my neighbours are old, women, married or vile!
As good a reason as any to move!
OP posts:
Febo24 · 21/03/2021 08:40

I'm still watching your thread with interest!

I chatted to my crush the other day, we ran into each other on the street and next thing we're swapping our stories regarding our exes. But since then we've seen each other in passing and I am back to not being sure if he's being nice or is interested.

What it's made me realise though is that we've both got complicated and busy lives with young kids, so if there is an attraction and if it does have legs, it'll be very slow, casual and 'light touch' from me. I'm enjoying my spare time, so it has to be balanced with that too and of course the kids come first as well so time with them is my priority.

If you haven't already, then have a really good think about where you see a relationship fitting into your life. As single parents we tend to have our schedules mapped out for us, where is he/ someone going to fit into that of he has one too? Xx

Original poster
AdaHopper · 21/03/2021 10:53

@Febo24

I'm still watching your thread with interest!

I chatted to my crush the other day, we ran into each other on the street and next thing we're swapping our stories regarding our exes. But since then we've seen each other in passing and I am back to not being sure if he's being nice or is interested.

What it's made me realise though is that we've both got complicated and busy lives with young kids, so if there is an attraction and if it does have legs, it'll be very slow, casual and 'light touch' from me. I'm enjoying my spare time, so it has to be balanced with that too and of course the kids come first as well so time with them is my priority.

If you haven't already, then have a really good think about where you see a relationship fitting into your life. As single parents we tend to have our schedules mapped out for us, where is he/ someone going to fit into that of he has one too? Xx

I would like there to be room for a relationship. But I don't see myself blending families in the future. In my country 50/50 co-parenting is the standard, which is what ndn has. My situation is not usual at all (dc are 5 weeks with me, followed by a week with ex, a with me and another with x), so I am worried if that does make me unattractive relationship material. But I am not going to worry too much about it now. I have a great babysitter, my DM is willing to have the kids over a weekend and DD1 is almost 14. So, yes, I have space for a relationship that works around my life. Does he? Not sure, to know I need to dare to ask him.
OP posts: