He does nothing.

[chickennuggs]

I can't remember the last time my 'DP' did anything around the house that wasn't for his sole benefit.

I cook, clean, do the dishes, take the bins out, meal plan and order food shopping, put the shopping away, laundry. I also work full time, 7.30am-5.30pm weekdays, with around half a day on a weekend as prep. I'm working from home at the moment. He does some ad-hoc work, a few hours a week.

He used to do more- he would do the dishes because I cooked, sort recycling and rubbish, strip the bed. It's gradually stopped and I've picked up more and more, probably over the last year.

He came to bed really late last night/this morning but had set a load on to wash on timer. When it finished, I took it out to dry and realised he had picked through the basket and only pulled out HIS stuff to wash.

The bathroom really needs a clean but I told him last week it was his turn to do it for a change. It's still not done and it's driving me crazy. He leaves mess out when he stays up at night, so I come down in the morning to a shit tip. I've asked, nagged, shouted, begged him to at least clean up after himself and put things in the right place, and I've tried just leaving it, but he seems blind to it.

I don't know what else to do. Is it reaching LTB territory? Death by towering pile of cans he won't put in the recycling?

Did you ask him why he sorted through the washing to put only his in the washer?

^This.

Overall, his behaviour doesn’t happen in a vacuum - it needs to be reinforced to continue, or have a negative consequence to discontinue. I say this in the nicest way possible way, but as pp have said, you have enabled this behaviour (which also begs the question - what do you gain by him doing nothing? Empathy from others? Feelings of control?)

If the behaviour has increased - something must have changed - You work from home at the moment, has this changed the dynamic? In terms of his depression status, has anything changed on this front - med change? Noticeable personal hygiene drop? Anything to indicate that this may be involved?

I think most of this man's faults and failings have already been pointed out to you but fast forward another fifteen years and what will the situation be then. A man who only work around 10 hours a month in his late forties is unlikely to have accumulated much in the way of pension or savings or even paid enough NI to get the full state pension.

You are potentially setting yourself up to supporting this 'parasite' in retirement. He is likely to expect to give up work altogether a long time before you do. What will that feel like to you? The imbalance in mortgage payments means you have effectively given him the benefit of any increased value in the property which he will probably expect if you split up. Are you tenants in common on the deeds?

Save yourself a fortune and find someone with a work ethic to share your life with.