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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I WALKED ON DH MASTURBATING THIS MORNING WTF ??????????????

140 replies

Naughtyhusband · 02/11/2007 13:32

Sorry namechanged ! I was going to brush my teeth this morning, knew DH was having a shower... I opened the door there he was...having the time of his life ....I mean come on ! Whyyyyyyy ? Especially after the night we had, baby has been teething all night ! Why the need of wanking ??? When he got busted, he tried to carry on as normal, pretending to clean his willy !!!!!! He says he did because he was exausted ?? ...Is it normal for a thirty something man ????

OP posts:

Skyler · 02/11/2007 14:08

Our sex life was very crap when I had a six month old too. Don't panic and keep talking. I just promised my DH it would get better....it did for the month we were trying for dd2 and then downhill obv. I am afraid small babies have that impact. Things are much better again now but it has taken time. DD2 is now 2.4. Good Luck.

PinguKiller · 02/11/2007 14:09

I'm with DoubleTop here

pagwatch · 02/11/2007 14:11

rather unfortunate that I spotted this thread as it was listed underneath " a long overdue sticky" in activeconvers

PinguKiller · 02/11/2007 14:11

Oi!

someone's parked a dirty great 4x4 on my sex drive

[pout]

OrmIrian · 02/11/2007 14:12

Break him???? I assume 'him' refers to his willy? Odd. Unless it's made of glass.

normabutty · 02/11/2007 14:13

Oh FGS, it was a wank...the vast majority of men AND women wank. Doesn't mean he doesn't want you.

clumsymum · 02/11/2007 14:18

He thinks you are going to BREAK HIM ???!!!!.

Hmm what with that and your horror of discovering him Wanking, I think there are lots of 'issues' regarding sex in your house .....

Original poster

Naughtyhusband · 02/11/2007 14:18

I have got the feeling that its who is shit in bed, he's scared I'm going to break"it" because my technique is wrong and ermm maybe I didnt lose all tha baby weight..no actually it has always been like this..

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 02/11/2007 14:19

Goodness me if you are only having sex once every 6 months then you surely must expect that he would need a wank every so often!

Don't you?

Meeely2 · 02/11/2007 14:22

ask him to show you how to do it - my dh didn't like my technique in early days, but i have it down to a fine art now, very handy (scuse the pun) when one is feeling tired and he is nuzzling at ones neck expecting an earth shattering performance.

sugarfree · 02/11/2007 14:23

But CD,it's him only wanting sex every six months,not her.

Original poster

Naughtyhusband · 02/11/2007 14:23

Sorry I meant I get a "treat" every 6 month !

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 02/11/2007 14:25

i really wouldnt take it personally i have no problems with my dp doing his thing men wake up with it sitting there it may go on its own or may need to be relieved its not anything against you

i normally just joke and say you need another hand lol i dont take it personal it saves me putting out when i'm too tired and makes him feel comfortable to do his bit id rather he werent walking around frustrated

as i would hope he would let me eerm relieve my tensions if he wasnt in the mood lol

normabutty · 02/11/2007 14:25

It doesn't really matter how often you do it or how good you are, sometimes he's gonna want a wank...it's a bit of variety.

foofi · 02/11/2007 14:26

Well, my dh doesn't do it! He's got to give a sample following his vasectomy, and says I'll have to help him as he won't be able to!!

RitaRitaMeterMaid · 02/11/2007 14:27

naughtyhusband - I am sure the masterbating is no more or less than any other DH gets up to, and is normal.

The other problems you are having over sex do need dealing with, though.

Big penises can cause problems because if they don't go all the way in as they can bend in the middle and cause a permanent rupture of the tissue. It is nothing do do with your weight. Can you ask your DH how the two of you can best make sure that he is comfortable, safe and satisified? I wonder if there is an advisory site or sex manual that can advise on matters of this nature? Would it help if you made love doggy-style, with him in control of 'movement'?

Don't give up on talking to him about this, and the incident in the shower may or may not have anythjing to do with your other issues.

Good luck!

Meeely2 · 02/11/2007 14:27

foofi - honestly truly really really?

bohemianbint · 02/11/2007 14:30

Let him "walk in" on you doing the same and see how that goes down....

KerryMumKABOOM · 02/11/2007 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skribble · 02/11/2007 14:33

I think you need to seperate the two issues of the wanking in the shower and sexual relations between you two.

Wanking in the shower normal and not because hes not getting it or any other issues its what men do, perhaps ask that he locks the door and ensures that he rinses the tiles of after.

Relation between you two well that is beyond my expertise .

vnmum · 02/11/2007 14:36

ok, ive been reading this thread and wondering wether to post so here goes.

in some ways i know how you feel. i walked in on DH the other morning just turning tv off hurriedly as i walked into room. later on that morning i started to think about it and guessed what he was doing so i rung him to ask him. he admitted he was having a wank and was watching some soft porn on sky. i got upset as im 33 weeks pregnant, feeling hormonal and unattractive and i felt abit put out. having said that i know he wanks, he very often tells me is does etc, and due to my pregnancy hormones ive not been up for it that often. what upset me was him getting off over other women when im feeling like a dog. anyway we had a chat and he didnt realise how sensitive in was at the moment and e said it was just a means to an end, he woke up with a stonker and knew i wouldnt want to help him out as i was tired.

anyway, id much rather he be having a wank than going elsewhere for sex while we are having a bit of a a drought. having said that, it did make me realise that i could put more effort in and that he could have gone elsewhere but didnt so we are now having sex more often,maybe my hormones have changed or something, i dont know.

anyway, men do wank, alot, and it could be worse.

as for the size of his willy and technique etc, why dont you talk to him and ask him to try out new positions etc. itmight get him abit more interested if his sex drive is low

Tatties · 02/11/2007 14:39

I can understand you feeling shocked if you were unaware that your dh masturbated. And I can also understand you feeling upset. I think it is normal for men to masturbate though, as well as wanting sex, so you shouldn't see it as a rejection of you. But if you are not happy with your sex life aside from that then I think you should talk to your dh about how you are feeling.

NotQuiteCockney · 02/11/2007 17:04

There are a lot of things going on here.

Your husband is worried he will get hurt. His penis isn't a piece of wood, it's a sensitive part of his body, and you seem annoyed by his concern, rather than respecting it. Haven't you ever (accidentally) been hurt in a delicate place during sex? It's very unpleasant and offputting.

I'm alarmed by your talk of him only sometimes 'giving' you an orgasm. Your orgasms are really your own responsibility. If there are things you need him to do, for you to achieve one, then you need to be forthright with him about them.

It sounds like you're both quite wounded and selfish and pissed off about sex, and that, oddly enough, isn't a very sexy way to feel.

How is your relationship otherwise?

Plinkyplonk · 02/11/2007 17:07

I think it's normal.

DH and I went away for a short while and he went for a shower

When he came back I asked him if he had enjoyed himself. He started blushing and asked how I knew.

I just laughed and explained that when he is 'playing with his friend' in the shower the noise of the water hitting the tray sort of errrrrrrrrr sounds different

aleciawalton · 02/11/2007 18:25

i think its normal too hun, i know what you mean about the quickie though, if me and dh had 10mins i would hope he'd rather with me. but i know dh does it on a night when tired to help sleep (after baging for sex first... ) but again i think its normal

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