Fucking men!

[StoryOfMyFuckingLife]

I am 46. I'm about a stone overweight. I'm atractive enough but no one is going to offer me a modelling contract. I'm single. I'm always fucking single or just about to make myself single again.

In the past 5 years, I've dated two men. Both for less than a year and both I dumped for crimes against respect and decency.

In the past 5 years alone, I've lost a friendship group because one of the married men in it made a really obvious play for me, was far too attentive, giddy when I was nearby and i ended up withdrawing from the group because I didn't like it and it was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I didn't fall out with anyone because I did nothing wrong but friendships dwindled once i started avoiding group stuff because of it.

I've lost another close male friend (he was married and I was close to his wife too) because, after making a pass at me when she was out of the room on one occasion and me rejecting him, he later contacted me to tell me he was in love with me which means I've lost her too.

I could have lost another friend because her husband 'developed feelings' for me - he actually told her he'd fallen in love with me . Fortunately, she is the most amazing woman ever and told me at the time that he was an idiot but she couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. We worked really hard on saving our friendship. They worked things out and it's now like that blip never happened (fortunately).

I've moved on, i've made new friends... every time it happens, i move on and make new friends. And it just happens again.

I dated someone for a few months last year (the second of the two men). I met him through friends. So we have mutual friends/acquaintances in common. Three couples mainly although the wife of one doesn't socialise much with us and has her own friends.

Of the three men... two of the three have made it known for a while that, if I were interested, they would be too. They've both declared love

The third? Well I don't know him well. He's socially awkward, quiet and a bit irascible. And then, tonight, he messaged me to say he was sorry to hear that the his friend and I had split up (4 months ago!) He's never seemed particularly interested in getting to know me or talking to me so i was surprised at his sudden friendliness...

You know where this is going...

Just pisses me off and makes me feel really sad. I know that none of these men are actually interested in me. Of these four men, one I was seeing but he never thought I was good enough for him because I'm not 28 and hot. And the other three are in relationships telling me how attractive I am and how much they fancy me.

Of all the men who have declared love to me over the past 10 years, I haven't been in a relationship with any of them and none of them have been single.

It's just fucking shit.

What is fucking wrong with them??

A person whose behaviour/actions are unpalatable to societal norms.

You could avoid the situations where this is happening

But that's all of my life!

It hasn't happened at work (since I was in my 20s but I work with an all female staff so 🤷🏻‍♀️) and it doesnt happen at home.

I'd have to become a completely different person with completely different interests and no friends to avoid the situations.

Just cut it dead. If they still try then tell them to fuck off.

This

I am not in any way saying these men are anything but dick led, opportunistic, predatory, disloyal wankers .
. And I am.not in any way saying how you dress is "wrong" or you should change how you dress; but from the DM etc description I'm wondering if these men, who are probably used to v average ways of dressing (Chelsea boots/flat ish riding boots/jeans etc) perceive your dress, cardi and DM boot combi as a bit alternative, a bit hippy, a bit "free spirit" and, combined with your apparent single-less/lack of long term relationships over the last while, are deluding themselves that an alternative, free spirit type might be a good bet for a fling.

Could be completely off base, bit these guys are simple minded and pathetic and anything but a twin set and traditional "lady like" shoes might be feeding into their delusions.

I don't think you should lose friends over this though. When you're propositioned, just say no and then continue with your friendships with the females as before?

It's not intentional. I just stop going to the group social things because its uncomfortable, or turn down invitations to camping weekends or lifts to gigs. You know, that avoiding thebsituations that some people have suggested i do. But these are the things we did, and the rest of the group continued to do, together socially. I have one female.friendleft from one of the groups. We meet a couple of times a year for coffee but that's it. Our friendship now is based on the shared history we have rather than on what we can do together now and has been for the past 3 years. Other friendships have just dwindled. It's not like a make a grand departure from their lives.

I should reiterate; you shouldn't change his you dress, I'm just wondering if it being slightly alternative is why they're filling themselves you could be up for it even more consistently than usual.

*fooling themselves

I'm wondering if these men, who are probably used to v average ways of dressing (Chelsea boots/flat ish riding boots/jeans etc) perceive your dress, cardi and DM boot combi as a bit alternative, a bit hippy, a bit "free spirit" and, combined with your apparent single-less/lack of long term relationships over the last while, are deluding themselves that an alternative, free spirit type might be a good bet for a fling.

My friends are generally very similar to me. Its why we're friends. So similar in musical tastes, lifestyles, clothing tastes etc. It doesnt make a difference really. It's been a long time since I was a magnet for suits because they all wanted to kiss the girl with the lip ring

Although, i think i am generally perceived as a bit 'free spirited'. I do have a responsible professional career though!

Since when was a skater dress and dms a bit hippy?

Slightly alternative?
Where are people living, under a rock?

Just cut it dead. If they still try then tell them to fuck off.

I don't I'm pissed off that it happens at all. Not asking how to deal with it when it does.

This thread gets better and better....

It really doesn't matter on the age. It really doesn't matter on the dress sense.
Not all men do this. They don't.

And the ones that do are just dickheads.
There's a few of them about.

@Silenceisgolden20

Since when was a skater dress and dms a bit hippy?

It's is to people who dress very average-ly/quite conservatively.

It obviously varies around the UK, but here (a bit of a backwater of the UK to be fair) you would only see a very few women in their 40s wearing DMs. They are worn almost exclusively by v young women/students.

No they are not!!!
What a load of crap.

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife

I'm wondering if these men, who are probably used to v average ways of dressing (Chelsea boots/flat ish riding boots/jeans etc) perceive your dress, cardi and DM boot combi as a bit alternative, a bit hippy, a bit "free spirit" and, combined with your apparent single-less/lack of long term relationships over the last while, are deluding themselves that an alternative, free spirit type might be a good bet for a fling.

My friends are generally very similar to me. Its why we're friends. So similar in musical tastes, lifestyles, clothing tastes etc. It doesnt make a difference really. It's been a long time since I was a magnet for suits because they all wanted to kiss the girl with the lip ring

Although, i think i am generally perceived as a bit 'free spirited'. I do have a responsible professional career though!

Well of all their wives & partners are dressed similarly, then there goes that theory. It's just about you being single and perceived as available then.

I know lots of women in their 40s that wear what they like. Dms or whatever.

It has nothing to do with being hit on.

Do you think this behaviour might be more common among gig going, into.mushc and the arts etc people?

I want to say possibly, but then I know of more conservative types who are as bad so ...

Since when was a skater dress and dms a bit hippy?

Slightly alternative?
Where are people living, under a rock?

That made me laugh.
Tbh in my part of London I've not seen a skater dress on anyone regardless of age since maybe 2010 however I believe women should absolutely dress how they want.

@Silenceisgolden20

I know lots of women in their 40s that wear what they like. Dms or whatever.

It has nothing to do with being hit on.

It was just a theory that op was being perceived by these twats as a bit of a free spirit, a bit alternative .. and therefore a "better" mark for a fling.

Seems not.

I wear what I like , depending on my mood and what suits me. I never take my age into it (40s)
I have never had my male friends come onto me.
Please stop talking about what women wear. It is shit men taking a chance. Shit men who should be focused on their wives.

I should be able to message my friends without them hitting on me whether their wife is policing our communications or not. In every case, I'd have been happy for their wives to read the messages anyway because everything was fine until it wasn't. I don't engage in flirting with attached men.

Many would see a single woman messaging married men as crossing boundaries. You are giving them attention even if you don’t consider it to be flirting.

Your comment about wives “policing” your communications with their husbands sounds quite disrespectful of the wives.

@gaijinetal going to gigs and wearing DMs is alternative to you?

Where the fuck do you live? Stepford?

@Silenceisgolden20

No they are not!!! What a load of crap.

They are here.

Keep a civil tongue, it's not hard.

Since when was a skater dress and dms a bit hippy?

It's not. But I am a bit alternative. I sometimes think that puts men off more than anything but i don't care. I like it.

Besides, skater dresses and DMs have been called everything from mutton to little girl on this thread so why not chuck alternative in too 🤣

I don't I'm pissed off that it happens at all. Not asking how to deal with it when it does.

Fair enough but I'm a bit confused why you think these husbands are your friends in the first place who then disappoint you?