Fucking men!

[StoryOfMyFuckingLife]

I am 46. I'm about a stone overweight. I'm atractive enough but no one is going to offer me a modelling contract. I'm single. I'm always fucking single or just about to make myself single again.

In the past 5 years, I've dated two men. Both for less than a year and both I dumped for crimes against respect and decency.

In the past 5 years alone, I've lost a friendship group because one of the married men in it made a really obvious play for me, was far too attentive, giddy when I was nearby and i ended up withdrawing from the group because I didn't like it and it was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I didn't fall out with anyone because I did nothing wrong but friendships dwindled once i started avoiding group stuff because of it.

I've lost another close male friend (he was married and I was close to his wife too) because, after making a pass at me when she was out of the room on one occasion and me rejecting him, he later contacted me to tell me he was in love with me which means I've lost her too.

I could have lost another friend because her husband 'developed feelings' for me - he actually told her he'd fallen in love with me . Fortunately, she is the most amazing woman ever and told me at the time that he was an idiot but she couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. We worked really hard on saving our friendship. They worked things out and it's now like that blip never happened (fortunately).

I've moved on, i've made new friends... every time it happens, i move on and make new friends. And it just happens again.

I dated someone for a few months last year (the second of the two men). I met him through friends. So we have mutual friends/acquaintances in common. Three couples mainly although the wife of one doesn't socialise much with us and has her own friends.

Of the three men... two of the three have made it known for a while that, if I were interested, they would be too. They've both declared love

The third? Well I don't know him well. He's socially awkward, quiet and a bit irascible. And then, tonight, he messaged me to say he was sorry to hear that the his friend and I had split up (4 months ago!) He's never seemed particularly interested in getting to know me or talking to me so i was surprised at his sudden friendliness...

You know where this is going...

Just pisses me off and makes me feel really sad. I know that none of these men are actually interested in me. Of these four men, one I was seeing but he never thought I was good enough for him because I'm not 28 and hot. And the other three are in relationships telling me how attractive I am and how much they fancy me.

Of all the men who have declared love to me over the past 10 years, I haven't been in a relationship with any of them and none of them have been single.

It's just fucking shit.

What is fucking wrong with them??

@wowier

Since when was a skater dress and dms a bit hippy?

Slightly alternative?
Where are people living, under a rock?

That made me laugh.
Tbh in my part of London I've not seen a skater dress on anyone regardless of age since maybe 2010 however I believe women should absolutely dress how they want.

I am far from London. Where I live no one cares.

OP it happens. I have given you examples of how it's happened to me. It's not just you that this happens to. Ask anyone who has online dated about how many creepy, married men have messaged them or pretended to be single.

There are a lot of sleazes out there. It's not you and it's nothing you're doing or saying or wearing.

The word crap is hardly offensive.

Missing the point of the thread, but how do you find several new friendship groups AND new single men on a regular basis? I can't find a potential love interest or a single friend and I'm hardly picky. Think I need to up my game.

[quote OhCaptain]@gaijinetal going to gigs and wearing DMs is alternative to you?

Where the fuck do you live? Stepford?[/quote]
In my neck of the woods, many people - even when young - seem to divide into bar & house party types, club types and gig & festival types.

Then almost everyone, except people who ar a bit alternative, drop the club's, and gigs & festivals when they get older. (This seems particularly true of people with kids).

If you go to a gig or festival in this part of the world, a tiny minority will be in their 40s up - and they tend to be a bit alternative.

But this is a quite rural, parochial area if the UK. Although I've seen similar in the north of England etc (outside major cities).

@gaijinetal

Keep a civil tongue, it's not hard.

This sounds like something straight out of Gilead.

Where I live no one cares.

about fashion? Many places in the country do though so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe wear dms, listen to music and get called alternative? @mandalakia

@gaijinetal where do you live? I never, ever, ever, ever want to go there...

Your comment about wives “policing” your communications with their husbands sounds quite disrespectful of the wives

Tbh, it's more that the wives thought it was a bit of an odd thing to do. Some of them asked why and didn't think it was necessary. And why was it being suggested if not to allow the wives to keep an eye on what was being said or to deter then men from being inappropriate?

I obviously don't message any men who've tried it on so it was a bit of a pre emptive strike for the others.

This makes it sound like there are loads. I generally dont message the men 121 if they are my friend's husbands but i do if they are my friends. And if they message me to ask something specific, then they still don't use the group chat i set up.

Although, it's almost a moot point. I've already examined that the guy who saved last night isnt even a friend. He's barely an acquaintance and one I've rarely spoke to. If you'd ask me to speculate who might message next, he wouldnt even have entered my head.

@wowier

Where I live no one cares.

about fashion? Many places in the country do though so 🤷🏼‍♀️

No one cares what you wear as you wear what you like. Fashion can be individual and your own style is your own It really has nothing to do with being hit on by sleazy blokes.

When did I say otherwise?

And yeah, I only see DMs on students. V occasionally I might see them on an "older" woman and they usually also have kinda hippy clothes, undercut hair etc.

Although you certainly seem bothered by @gaijinetal interpretation of the OPs style as alternative. I love fashion, most posters on MN would think I looked stupid, I couldn't give a shit.

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@gaijinetal

Keep a civil tongue, it's not hard.

This sounds like something straight out of Gilead.[/quote]
Well then Margaret Atwood must be of Irish/Northern Irish extraction.

I wear DMs as does my 68 yr old mother, pretty standard staple in our neck of the woods. However I am certainly aware that plenty of places would find DMs not the usual choice for grandmothers.

[quote OhCaptain]@gaijinetal where do you live? I never, ever, ever, ever want to go there...[/quote]
That's ok, we don't want you here .

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife

I'd forgotten about this until IsIgnoranceBliss suggested it! But I have previously asked a friend (who also invited her husband to join the conversation) if she could think of any reason why. I trust her to be honest. I was primarily moaning about the fact that I couldn't make relationship stick. I've just looked back through my messages and found the conversation.

They both said that I'm quite 'cool'. And that I'm cute but a bit no nonsense. They've said I'm no different, that they've seen, with men or women but they think it's a two sides of the same coin kind of thing. That what attracts the married men is the same thing that puts off the single ones. That maybe I'm independent and don't seem to need a man. Because I don't flirt, I don't give off any desperate vibes. This makes single ones think I don't need them and won't commit and makes the married men confident I'll be up for no strings fun.

I started a thread on here about things your friends wouldn’t tell you. From that I can suggest you don’t believe the friends you asked - they were probably telling you what they thought you wanted to hear.

I generally dont message the men 121 if they are my friend's husbands but i do if they are my friends.

But if they are propositioning you they are not your friends.

Anyhoo, it was just a vague, tenuous theory as to why these men might be even more consistently predatory than usual towards op; seems like it's not likely.

Just typical behaviour and perhaps a run of "luck" for op.

I started a thread on here about things your friends wouldn’t tell you. From that I can suggest you don’t believe the friends you asked - they were probably telling you what they thought you wanted to hear

I asked that friend because she is the only person I would trust to give me the actual truth as she understood it

[quote OhCaptain]@gaijinetal where do you live? I never, ever, ever, ever want to go there...[/quote]
Sorry I forgot to answer the actual question .. NI.

You don't generally see DMs here on anyone but students.

The standard west for women is puffa or wool or teddy bear coat, jeans or leggings, trainers (smart type), or maybe brogues or loafers, or boots (typically Chelsea or riding).

If I see a non student/young woman wearing DMs, they usually have other relatively alternative stuff going on ( undercut, bright colour in chunks of entire hair, hippy ish clothing etc).

But if they are propositioning you they are not your friends.

Yes but until they have propositioned me they haven't propositioned me, have they?

They were friends until that point as far as i was concerned.

I definitely read this exact same post a few months ago. I think it was word for word.

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife

But if they are propositioning you they are not your friends.

Yes but until they have propositioned me they haven't propositioned me, have they?

They were friends until that point as far as i was concerned.

Let's make op explain self evident stuff.