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Original poster

Prenups, marriage, what would you do?

122 replies

Crossroadsx · 07/02/2021 10:51

Morning all

Me and DH would like get married at some point, we have been together 8 years now and we’re ready to start a family. We get along great etc no problems there and we are both in our early thirties.

The only issue money..

He is a teacher on a good salary around £35,000 and will build up a great pension pot. He has no assets though.

After everything is cleared I have around £2m in assets (property, investments etc) and earn around £100,000 from my business.

I really want to protect my business and the assets I have before marriage, this might seem selfish but if I wanted to I could never have to work again, I’m financially free and I don’t want to risk that. I could happily stay at home to look after the children.

I feel I’m in an odd position of having enough that losing half would cause great pain, but not enough that I’d still be able to live comfortably after.

DH has a good job so if did end in divorce he will still be fine financially but the difference between us is big.

I don’t know if the courts would decide, would by business be up for grabs? He couldn’t run it. It is no use to him really. Would they ring fence my assets before the marriage? Seems sometimes they do sometimes they don’t.

Will a prenup stand? How do I approach DH about it? Argh.

Gosh I’ve got a headache.

OP posts:
Strongerthanilook · 07/02/2021 10:56

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Original poster
Crossroadsx · 07/02/2021 11:00

Thanks Strongerthanilook. Sadly things do go wrong and you have to consider this even if you think it is unlikely.

OP posts:
Chiccie · 07/02/2021 11:02

Kids can put a massive strain on a relationship so you are wise to protect what you have. Go see a solicitor. Prenups might not stand up in court in the UK. What type of business have you got? Is it sole trader etc

Cabinfever10 · 07/02/2021 11:06

You need professional legal advice.
If you want to protect your assets don't marry him. Half of everything earned in the marriage will be his. I honestly don't think that a prenup will be able to protect any of your assets under UK law

LittleBoPeep95 · 07/02/2021 11:08

If you want to protect your assets don't marry him

This.

LittleBoPeep95 · 07/02/2021 11:09

Posted too soon. In your shoes I would honestly not get married OP. Even the nicest of men can turn into complete arseholes after DC. Does he know how money you have etc? Who's idea is it to marry?

Original poster
Crossroadsx · 07/02/2021 11:10

It’s a limited company not a sole trader.

I’m happy for anything earned in the marriage to be split.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crossroadsx · 07/02/2021 11:15

He knows I’m doing ok but doesn’t know much than that. He lives in my house which is worth around £1m, but doesn’t know about any other assets or business.

He has never been that interest which is a good sign I think, although he isn’t very good with money. 🤦‍♀️

He could easily look up my limited company though as it’s out there in the public realm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crossroadsx · 07/02/2021 11:16

Sorry for typos on my mobile.

OP posts:
Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 07/02/2021 11:19

I second the don't get married advice. Pre nuts are not legally binding so if you want to guarantee that your assets are protected then don't enter into a legal contract which involves sharing assets.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 07/02/2021 11:20

Nups not nuts!

MissSmiley · 07/02/2021 11:21

@Crossroadsx I'd suggest a cohabitation agreement and don't get married, and get proper legal advice, he may still have a claim on your assets even if you don't marry him

mootymoo · 07/02/2021 11:30

I would suggest that you make a specific offer as part of the prenup eg the business is valued at £x the house is valued at x but you give him £x amount in the event of a split plus 50% of increase in assets. If my future husband demanded I got nothing I would be pretty upset, as if he didn't value my contribution

Moonstone1234 · 07/02/2021 11:32

If you live in a £1m house he will know there is money. It might or might not be important to him but it will be VERY important should you split.

Moonstone1234 · 07/02/2021 11:37

I have another scenario though. If this was a second marriage and you had grown up children who you wanted to inherit your assets.

I have a friend in this scenario. What would happen? She has the expensive house which he is planning to move into. The house is the vast majority of her wealth.

Wherearemymarbles · 07/02/2021 11:46

I suspect a prenup is most effective in a short marriage.

A friend had a prenup and they were divorced after 18 years. Ex wife got an awful lot more than she was entitled to under the prenup.

Moonstone1234 · 07/02/2021 11:51

So are you saying a Pre Nup is not suitable for a long marriage. What about wills. I know that a will is essential as an old will be invalidated on marriage. A colleague at work got caught out on that one.

Kiki275 · 07/02/2021 11:55

We looked at getting a prenup as my husband wanted to protect his assets and me, my own.
We consulted a good family law solicitor and she advised against it. It would need amending with every change in circumstances etc. Even then it isn't necessarily legally binding. Long story short, it wasn't worth us persueing (sp?).
Definitely consult a solicitor who will be able to advise on your specifics x

jimmyjammy001 · 07/02/2021 11:55

You are probably in the very niche position where I would recommend not getting married, usually people marry for financial and security benefits as if the partner leaves you when you have got children you would stay in the marital home and everything would be split 50/50,if you didn't get married and split up you would be as you are now and wouldn't have to hand anything over as you are currently in the better financial position. Prenups are not legally binding and when you have got children together they can easily be overturned.
I appreciate not everything is about money and that you don't intend to break up, but when there is substantial money involved only a fool would overlook that aspect until/if the day came you both split up.

SavannahMiasMum · 07/02/2021 11:56

Totally a ore nup. I have one with my partner as I bring in all the money so it was the only way

SavannahMiasMum · 07/02/2021 11:57

Pre nup lol

gypsywater · 07/02/2021 11:58

Why would you even consider getting married?

GreenClock · 07/02/2021 12:00

Why do you want to marry? I think that if he’s going to take a career break or go part-time to care for the children, marrying him would be the moral thing to do. Otherwise it seems pointless from your viewpoint.

HollowTalk · 07/02/2021 12:07

@Moonstone1234

I have another scenario though. If this was a second marriage and you had grown up children who you wanted to inherit your assets.

I have a friend in this scenario. What would happen? She has the expensive house which he is planning to move into. The house is the vast majority of her wealth.

I don't think I'd marry in that scenario.
Wherearemymarbles · 07/02/2021 12:07

Moon, I only have this one example that I know of.things change over time
The op needs to see someone who deals with high net worth marriages and divorce as they will have the knowledge.

Op if you do a prenup your dp will also need his own legal advice and full disclosure of assets. His lawyer will of course want to ensure its fair from his side.