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Relationships

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Original poster

Prenups, marriage, what would you do?

122 replies

Crossroadsx · 07/02/2021 10:51

Morning all

Me and DH would like get married at some point, we have been together 8 years now and we’re ready to start a family. We get along great etc no problems there and we are both in our early thirties.

The only issue money..

He is a teacher on a good salary around £35,000 and will build up a great pension pot. He has no assets though.

After everything is cleared I have around £2m in assets (property, investments etc) and earn around £100,000 from my business.

I really want to protect my business and the assets I have before marriage, this might seem selfish but if I wanted to I could never have to work again, I’m financially free and I don’t want to risk that. I could happily stay at home to look after the children.

I feel I’m in an odd position of having enough that losing half would cause great pain, but not enough that I’d still be able to live comfortably after.

DH has a good job so if did end in divorce he will still be fine financially but the difference between us is big.

I don’t know if the courts would decide, would by business be up for grabs? He couldn’t run it. It is no use to him really. Would they ring fence my assets before the marriage? Seems sometimes they do sometimes they don’t.

Will a prenup stand? How do I approach DH about it? Argh.

Gosh I’ve got a headache.

OP posts:

LemonTT · 07/02/2021 12:10

Never understand why wealthy business people ask the internet for guidance on legal and financial issues. It’s just surprising how people can make so much money without ever having recourse to lawyers and accountants to guide them.

roarfeckingroarr · 07/02/2021 12:15

I could have written this OP.

We're engaged and have a child but I'm leaning towards not ever getting married. You just never know; people can change:

Moonstone1234 · 07/02/2021 12:19

Thank you. I often like to ask a question and not to take any answers as gospel but to ensure that I gain some working knowledge and some buzz words.

I didn’t realise until a few years ago that a will is invalidated on marriage. I also know people who think ‘common law wife’ is the same as being a wife.

wibblewombat · 07/02/2021 12:23

Yep, it's shl time. Get the very best advice. Even taking advice might upset things tho but it's best to know. He will have an equitable interest in your house if you marry & reside there.

I love my DH & we run our marriage like a business but our assets have been built up jointly over the marriage. In your case, I'd have to think very carefully indeed. Being financially free is very much something to cherish. 😁

C152 · 07/02/2021 12:36

Get expert legal advice before making any decisions about the wedding. There may be different ways to protect different types of assets. (A pre nup is not legally binding in the UK, although the courts may take it into consideration.)

I would definitely protect all my assets in your position...I would also question whether you need to actually get married? (You don't need to be married to have a family.)

burnoutbabe · 07/02/2021 12:40

I am similar to you (but we don;t want kids AND he has assets, just not as much as me)

So we won't marry. its by far the simplest way. When/if we buy a house together we'll have to agree how that is split based on contributions.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2021 12:41

He has never been that interest which is a good sign I think, although he isn’t very good with money

Him not being sensible with money is reason enough not to marry him.

category12 · 07/02/2021 14:44

I wouldn't marry. It's the simplest way of protecting your assets.

2020iscancelled · 07/02/2021 15:20

In your shoes I probably wouldn’t look to get married, not for a while at least. If you do have children you are able to ring fence in your will to them but of course that doesn’t protect against divorce. A good solicitor will be able to advise on how to protect your assets.
But the best way is of course to not marry.

I think the most important question is - what is your business???? You sound super successful

Masterpieceontheshelf · 07/02/2021 15:36

I probably wouldn't marry in your circumstances - men mostly gain from divorces not women.
There's a million women on MN desperate for their partners to marry them, but I bet none of those women have the assets you have!
Aren't 50% of children from parents who aren't married these days? It's not unusual now.
Don't throw away 1/2 of your money for one day in a white dress.

Fressia123 · 07/02/2021 15:43

Hi OP, I consulted a solicitor that was recommend here on MN. Like you, I have assets worth more than £1 million (they're abroad though). Ultimately, pre-nups are not legally binding and as someone mentioned above, with every change of circumstances you have to amend them.

Unfortunately you can't ring fence assets in the UK if you want to get married (and divorced here!)

I'm not getting one, they're not cheap and technically it's my parents' property I just happen to be the legal owner and they refuse to fork out the £15k that the prenup costs.

DinoHat · 07/02/2021 15:46

Me and my DH were similar when we married. I was earning about £40k and had a little house with some equity, he was earning over £100k and owned several properties. We did discuss a prenup and I was honestly happy to have one - we didn’t in the end as I think my willingness was enough to reassure him.

Anothercliche · 07/02/2021 17:29

My partner and I have looked into this same question a bit. Originally this was because he was stung by his ex and had a lot more money than me due to inheritance. Then I also inherited some money so we're about equal in terms of money now. What we found out was that prenups are not legally binding in the UK so your money will not be protected in the case of a break up, BUT if you're not married and you die (and your partner is named in your will) then they will have to pay inheritance tax on everything above the threshold (£325k I think?). Whereas if you are married, everything will pass to your spouse without insurance tax. We decided once we had children that it's better to be married and ensure our assets pass to our spouse so that they can use them to raise our children rather than into the taxman's pockets. This was more important to us than whether we would split up and need to divide assets. So I guess your decision rests with 1) are you planning to have children with him? 2) if you do have children, would you rather your assets went fully to your partner, or they had to pay tax on them? If you're not planning children and your partner isn't your named beneficiary in your will then don't get married!

MrsBobDylan · 07/02/2021 17:44

There was a similar thread recently, very similar to yours op.

The advice was don't get married.

Fressia123 · 07/02/2021 17:48

I think that could have been mine @MrsBobDylan

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/02/2021 18:12

If you live in a £1m house he will know there is money. It might or might not be important to him but it will be VERY important should you split

Exactly this, which is why I'm also in the "don't marry him" camp - even more so since he's not good with money

And yes, I'd say the same if you were a man (though I'd probably get slated for it on here)

Gabor · 07/02/2021 18:27

You definitely need some legal advice. I am a lawyer although not a family lawyer. I could recommend a good one to you for some good advice. You may need to just talk it over with someone that can answer your questions and address your concerns and then you can make informed decisions before you make a move. Its beat to make informed decisions.

I completely get where you are coming from. You must have worked very hard for what you have its understandable you want to feel assured that if things don't go to plan you will have done all you can to protect yourself.

I personally think that is the best time to make decisions as things are good between you. It's when things are great that it can be problematic.

What are DH views on all of this? Have you spoken to him?

Aprilcherry04 · 07/02/2021 18:31

To all these people who are saying don't get married - a long term live in partner are not without legal rights either. The answer is go and seek professional legal advice. My husband and I have a pre-nup. This is both our second marriages and we wanted to protect our individual properties for our children. We were advised that the pre-nup may not stand up in court but it does show intent at the time the pre-nup was signed. If our marriage breaks down i am happy to leave with the property i had before and for my husband to have his.

category12 · 07/02/2021 18:33

To all these people who are saying don't get married - a long term live in partner are not without legal rights either.

Er, they pretty much are.

PicsInRed · 07/02/2021 18:36

If you want to protect your assets, don't marry - and consider putting those assets in trust in case the law change and de facto arrangements become legally included for asset division e.g. like in NZ.

As the woman, it is your health, your earning potential and your ability to work full time which will be most adversely affected by pregnancy, child birth, post partum and let's face it, in reality the bulk of domestic burden. Statistically, you would be the one giving up work entirely to care for any profoundly disabled child.

Marriage is normally advised to protect women from this, however as a financially independent woman, it would actaully further imperil you. You are very likely to look back on a decision NOT to marry as the single defining event - in a good way - of your life.

PicsInRed · 07/02/2021 18:42

Also, as PPs said, of course he knows you're loaded. He has eyes, he can see your house, car clothes, lifestyle, background. He's not thick.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 07/02/2021 18:43

Prenups are indicative, not binding. A (female) colleague had one and still got hugely screwed over.

So the only way to protect is to not marry.

burnoutbabe · 07/02/2021 18:55

@category12

To all these people who are saying don't get married - a long term live in partner are not without legal rights either.

Er, they pretty much are.

They may have sone rights on your death (if they are dependent on you) and if you buy a house when together (in joint or even single names) they may have sone claims if they contributed .

But overall not many rights.

Dontbeme · 07/02/2021 19:00

although he isn’t very good with money

This would worry me long term, he is on 35 grand a year, lives in your home but has no assets? How has that come about OP? Is he paying off debts, is he flashing cash about with friends or family playing the big I am? What is he paying towards living expenses in the home?

I would get legal advice about protecting yourself in marriage and in the event you have kids but do not married I would find out what would happen legally if the event of a split then.

Dogsarehairy · 07/02/2021 19:01

Back again?
The 3rd millionaire thinking about. prenup in as many weeks,

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