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Original poster

Change of Name instead of getting Married.

104 replies

dantiasmith · 06/02/2021 15:30

Hi ladies. We had to postpone our wedding last year due to COVID. I was so upset but we moved it a year so we could reassess the situation... however on Thursday we found out our venue has gone under and we’ve lost thousands of pounds. From viewing the liquidators information they company doesn’t have enough money so we hoping we pod for most things on credit card. We have decided we are gonna get married now and will see what the future brings. Has anyone changed their name to their partners? He’s not adverse to it at all. Which is great. Would you wear your wedding bands if the bride changed her name? Xxx

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 06/02/2021 15:34

Wearing a wedding ring is separate to changing your name. You can do one, both, or neither and they aren't linked.

CodenameVillanelle · 06/02/2021 15:35

Get married at a later date and keep your name. Wear the wedding ring after you get married. Changing your name, wearing a ring and not getting married is weird.

PomPomSugar · 06/02/2021 15:39

I would still get married for the protection it brings. Just go to the registry office and have a party when you are able.

ShaunaTheSheep · 06/02/2021 15:41

Agree with pompomsugar.

Cpl654321 · 06/02/2021 15:41

Why would he be adverse to you taking his name I'm confused

category12 · 06/02/2021 15:42

Just do a registry office wedding on the cheap instead.

Have a big celebration for the anniversary.

Silly to change your name if you're not actually married.

EileenGC · 06/02/2021 15:43

I would still get married at the registry office for the protection and safety it brings.

I would never change my name, but you do you.

EileenGC · 06/02/2021 15:45

@Cpl654321

Why would he be adverse to you taking his name I'm confused
I hope whoever I marry in the future would be adverse to me changing my name to his.

It’s my name as much as a man’s name is his own. Why would I give up my identity to take someone else’s, I can’t comprehend.

2021vision · 06/02/2021 15:45

You have said:

We have decided we are gonna get married now and will see what the future brings.

Do you mean you are NOT going to get married now and see later? Why would you change your name? I'll admit that I don't get the whole name changing thing anyway but when you're not even married - just why would you do this?

NailsNeedDoing · 06/02/2021 15:45

It would seem strange to me to wear a wedding band and have the same name by deed poll, but not to be actually married. I’d rather just have a registry office wedding.

johnd2 · 06/02/2021 15:47

It's not much more effort to get married than it is to change your name, and the marriage certificate lets either of you change your name to match the other. But it depends what's important to you, and only you know the answer. But i think the legal piece of paper is important protection if you are of traditional mindset where the roles are separate for husband and wife. Since you are thinking of changing your name to his based on his approval it sounds like you are more traditional mindset on the face of it.
Good luck.

category12 · 06/02/2021 15:49

I'm sorry that your wedding hasn't come to pass the way you wanted it, but I think it would be shooting yourself in the foot to act as though you're married, taking his name, wearing a ring, when you would have none of the legal rights or protections.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 06/02/2021 15:49

Read up on the abundance of threads from those who were screwed over because they weren't married.

johnd2 · 06/02/2021 15:51

@eileengc your name is not your identity is just a part of it! That part does vary in importancet to different people but it's not your identity.
For what it's worth I'm not a fan of the old tradition as names do matter but you are still your own person even if you change your name.

iwishiwasatcentralperk · 06/02/2021 15:54

Do you mean you are not going to get married? Your OP is a bit confusing.

I wouldn't wear a wedding ring unless I was actually married.

My friend changed her name so it was the same as her children, but then when she got married, she wanted to get married in her maiden name so had to change it back, so her marriage certificate says

Annie Smith, previously Annie Jones, previously Annie Smith, which is a bit of a mouthful. She is now Mrs Annie Jones again.

If you want to get married, just go to the local registry office, and then have a big party when all this is over and you have saved some money.

florascotia2 · 06/02/2021 16:01

What category says.

There's nothing on a marriage certificate to show a change of name.

It documents the change in legal status that getting married brings, and has nothing to do with name changing.

Anybody can call themselves by any name they like, so long as it's not done with intent to defraud. You can do this by deed poll, or you can just ask people - and the bank, doctor etc - to call you by your new name. www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll There are forms to fill in if you want to change the name on your passport. It's all explained on the gov.uk website.

PixelatedLunchbox · 06/02/2021 16:01

I changed my name to my DH's. Thus far my "identity" is intact. Hmm

No one needs to give a reason or to justify or defend their decision to keep or to change their name. It's your life, do what you want, and change it or don't change it according to what pleases you. Whether or not other people 'get it' or don't is irrelevant to your life.

pog100 · 06/02/2021 16:07

I can only think this OP has several vital mistakes/ typos otherwise it doesn't make any sense?

rawalpindithelabrador · 06/02/2021 16:11

Sorry, but wtf? Why would you do such a daft thing when you can get married at the registry office for about £175 and have all the legal protection of marriage? You can have your immediate families there. Job done. Wait and see what the future brings? Nothing good should something happen to one of you and you're not married.

DicklessWonder · 06/02/2021 16:14

@Cpl654321

Why would he be adverse to you taking his name I'm confused
The abject sexism of it?
TitsOot4Xmas · 06/02/2021 16:19

We’ve been told it’s weird that we don’t have wear wedding rings or share a name, mainly by people who were at our wedding. Hmm

It’s surely far weirder to do those things without any of the legal benefits of marriage. 🤷🏻‍♀️

harknesswitch · 06/02/2021 16:28

A couple I know have had a commitment party, swapped rings (calling them commitment rings) and she's changed her surname by deed poll to his surname. I find it all a bit odd. But I guess if you're worried about finances that might be a reason so appear married but legally not.

But as it costs about £125 to get married at your loa registrar office, why not do that and have a party later in the year or when you can

Original poster
dantiasmith · 06/02/2021 17:50

Yes sorry it won’t allow me to amend the post for the typos.We are not getting married now. We are gonna wait a couple more years. It’s been too much stress. When I say about him not having a problem if I just changed my name, is more to the point of his feeling about taking something away from me being his wife when we do come to get married.

I have two aunts who changed their names and act married and been together for years without being legally married. I will eventually get married after all this madness.

I just wanted to gauge people’s opinions on just changing my name and acting married until we physically get married as we’ve been engaged for some time now. And if people had changed their names I wondered if you wore your rings.

OP posts:
DicklessWonder · 06/02/2021 17:56

What happens if you split up before marrying?

EggysMom · 06/02/2021 17:59

I took DH name by deed poll when our son was about three. DS had been given DH surname by choice, and I thought it would be easier at school if I had the same surname. We finally got married when our son was nine.