Change of Name instead of getting Married.

[dantiasmith]

Hi ladies. We had to postpone our wedding last year due to COVID. I was so upset but we moved it a year so we could reassess the situation... however on Thursday we found out our venue has gone under and we’ve lost thousands of pounds. From viewing the liquidators information they company doesn’t have enough money so we hoping we pod for most things on credit card. We have decided we are gonna get married now and will see what the future brings. Has anyone changed their name to their partners? He’s not adverse to it at all. Which is great. Would you wear your wedding bands if the bride changed her name? Xxx

Why would you want to change your name? I don't understand. How is that 'acting married'?

@DicklessWonder surely I’d be in a better position 😂😂

You wouldn't be in any better position - its marriage itself that protects you, not anything to do with names.

I think it’s utterly ridiculous , if you are not getting married for a couple of years then just keep things as they are , why would you want to change your name and wear a wedding ring it’s like you are pretending to be married . If you are that bothered about it just go and get married at a registry office nobody needs a large fancy wedding .

Surely the main reason to get married is the legal status/protection? Just get a registry office wedding.

OP As I said above, I am eally sorry that your plans have been derailed.
But your questions raise rather worrying questions. What's actually important for you and your fiance?

Being married is a big deal - it has really substantial legal and financial implications . It's a staggering emotional commitment, if you and your partner take it seriously. It may even have religious implications for you. But it's ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with rings or name changes. It's nothing to do with what others think of you. No-one cares what your name is or what ring you wear.

[quote dantiasmith]@DicklessWonder surely I’d be in a better position 😂😂[/quote]
Why do you think that?

[quote dantiasmith]@DicklessWonder surely I’d be in a better position 😂😂[/quote]
Why do you think you'd be in a better position?

I know someone who did this and I thought, and still think, it was ridiculous. She did it because her partner wouldn't marry her. If you both want to be married then just go to the registry office and get married. Otherwise don't get married. The End.

@florascotia2 thank you. I just wanted to gauge people’s opinions. People are welcome to be against the idea but there isn’t any need for others to be rude. I just wanted to know if people had done it. Not that I am doing it. But it was actually something he suggested about the name. Our legal situation would be of no different. So wouldn’t have any impact whether I changed my name. I just wanted to know if people did and what they did. Some people are very judgy.we will get married when it’s safer and easier to do so. Thank you

Even though OP clarified one of the big typos, this still doesn’t make sense. OP, did you read the citizens advice link posted up thread? Jewellery and name changes are irrelevant. If you both want to be married, get married for a few hundred quid at a registrar. Have the party some other time.

To answer your question, I don't find wearing a ring odd, I'd do it. The name on the other hand definitely seems weirder. However marriage doesn't benefit / protect me at all. I'm just doing it because I'm a romantic.

OP Thanks. And very many congratulations when you do get married. These are not easy times.

Just get married. It's cheaper than changing your name and brings legal benefits. Especially if you have or are going to have kids. Have the party later.

If you change your name and start wearing a ring, I bet you anything that you'll not actually get married.

I totally agree with @category12 and @rawalpindithelabrador.

The wedding itself is not as important as the marriage. Why wait even longer? Have a registry office wedding, change your name (or not) and certainly wear a ring if you'd like. You can have the party later.

Seriously, in the middle of this huge pandemic, why would either of you want to wait? Marriage isn't just a piece of paper. Sharing those vows to love, honor, cherish, and protect each other seems more important than ever. Give yourselves the gift of security. Every day, and especially during these uncertain times, you never know when either of you might need that protection.

And please don't forget to check out the link rawalpindithelabrador gave you.

There are at least two sets of parents in my sons class who have done this. Name change and no marriage.

One couple just never got round to it. Always something else to spend money on. Including IVF.

One couple are different religions and couldn't find a way to appease all sides. They say they will elope when their children are older.

I hadn't heard of it before but now have come across it quite a bit. You do you x

I would think it was very strange, it doesn't change you legal position at all and when you finally married you would still have to change your name from miss Smith to Mrs Smith. I know a few people who had weddings booked during the lockdowns some have delay their weddings and some have got married and will celebrate at a later date, what do you want more a wedding or a marriage they are very different things.

@utterfailureasamum

There are at least two sets of parents in my sons class who have done this. Name change and no marriage.

One couple just never got round to it. Always something else to spend money on. Including IVF.

One couple are different religions and couldn't find a way to appease all sides. They say they will elope when their children are older.

I hadn't heard of it before but now have come across it quite a bit. You do you x

My ex’s parents never married. She used his name for 50 years and wore a ring etc.

When he died she inherited nothing. Got kicked out of the council house as she had not been on the tenancy.

You can play all you like but that’s all it is, OP. Make believe. None of the protection but all the symbolism around ownership. Yuck.

If you change your name to his and wear a ring and introduce yourself to people as 'his wife', don't be surprised if three years down the line he turns round and asks what the point of spending all that money on a wedding is, when it won't make a single difference to any element of your life.

Apart from your legal status.

I don't see the point in it, not to be rude. Our wedding last year was cancelled and we went ahead with a registry office wedding as soon as we were able. I wanted us to be legally married, changing my name and wearing a wedding ring wouldn't have meant anything to me without the legal side of marriage.

when you finally married you would still have to change your name from miss Smith to Mrs Smith.

WTF?!

Nobody has to change their title. Some of us have been Ms forever regardless of marital status. I used Miss throughout 15 years of marriage.

Another outdated tradition that should have Ed long before 2021.

@PomPomSugar

I would still get married for the protection it brings. Just go to the registry office and have a party when you are able.

This

It would be weirder going to a wedding where for years the bride has had her husbands surname and wore a ring than it would be if you had previously married and then had a wedding later due to circumstances if anyone I knew was planning this I'd be a bit

Its all very weird tbh. I did work with someone who changed her name to her partners when they had children. They eventually married about 14 years later.

Just go get married quietly then you can act married. Do the party at a later date. If you start acting married now you won't likely go through with it at a later dare as you won't see the point. And I bet many will be surprised thinking you were married.

What even is “acting married”? We didn’t share a name or a bank account or wear rings or live in the same country at times but were every bit married!