Change of Name instead of getting Married.

[dantiasmith]

Hi ladies. We had to postpone our wedding last year due to COVID. I was so upset but we moved it a year so we could reassess the situation... however on Thursday we found out our venue has gone under and we’ve lost thousands of pounds. From viewing the liquidators information they company doesn’t have enough money so we hoping we pod for most things on credit card. We have decided we are gonna get married now and will see what the future brings. Has anyone changed their name to their partners? He’s not adverse to it at all. Which is great. Would you wear your wedding bands if the bride changed her name? Xxx

I don't understand.

You're either married or you're not.

You can change your name to anything you like. But it has nothing to do with being married.

The important thing about marriage is legal protection. Of course you wouldn't be in a better position if you split with his name and you weren't married. It doesn't matter what your name is.

People are being straight-talking because this is really important stuff. Are you planning to have children before that wedding? If so - DON'T. Just go to the registry office and do it on the cheap, change your name then have your wedding celebration some other time.

Well, she might be in a better position unmarried if she's the higher earner and has her own assets, and doesn't intend to reduce hours/take a career hit if they have children together.

Yes sis in law changed her name once they had a baby so they all had same name. Wedding will happen next year if everything is bk to normal.but for now there happy all having same name.

I know someone who changed her name as her partner did not believe in marriage. Years later she discovered that he was secretly married to and had 3 children with another woman, whom he lived with when not with her (supposedly an internationally travelling businessman). She changed her name back.

Why not just get married, and have the party later?

I think pretending to be married is very, very strange.

What’s the point?

To those saying ‘just get married’ it’s actually really difficult to plan any wedding at the moment. Our local reg. office is not taking any bookings due to having a backlog and wanting to Keep capacity for those rearranging and not have even more postponements later. I might consider doing what you suggest given that you basically CAnT organise a wedding at this time.

Whole thing sounds weird. Like you want to 'act' married for some reason. You get married because it's a legal contract bestowing certain rights and obligations.

Don't change your name. Don't wear the rings. Just get married when you can.

But what's the point of pretending you're married by wearing the rings and changing names? Why not just live together until you can actually do it properly? Really bizarre to wear the rings and then presumably on the wedding day in how ever many months/years, what, just pull them off and shove them back on again on the day?

I think pretending to be married is weird. Why not go to a registry office and actually get married. Have a big party in 2 years if you want. Call it a vow renewal or just an anniversary party. But don’t just pretend you’re married.

I’m in the ‘just get married at the registry office’ camp. You could then have a celebration party at a later date when things are easier, I think lots of people will do that

Changing your name and starting wearing wedding rings isn’t going to be any cheaper/easier and provides nothing whatsoever if you’re still planning to get property married later anyway.

It achieves nothing, and you’d still need to complete and pay for the legalities of a deedpoll and do that paperwork when you could just do a registry office service and actually be married

I would find it really odd and pointless. It means nothing in terms of the things that matter ie legal protection, asset sharing, tax benefits. Especially given you can have a registry wedding for about the same amount of cost and effort
If a friend did it I would be worried for her. I would feel that the level of commitment I would want for her from her partner was not there and I would expect the relationship to end in a big mess. It feels like play acting rather than focusing on what is important

While it scratches the immediate itch for being seen as a committed couple/sharing lives, that's not necessarily a great thing for getting round to the actual commitment, so you're more likely to put it off for the sake of other things.

Which is not great if you do reduce hours/take a hit to your career/become a sahm if you have children and then he fucks off or dies.

@ISBN111

To those saying ‘just get married’ it’s actually really difficult to plan any wedding at the moment. Our local reg. office is not taking any bookings due to having a backlog and wanting to Keep capacity for those rearranging and not have even more postponements later. I might consider doing what you suggest given that you basically CAnT organise a wedding at this time.

Depends on the location, and might be easier if you're not actually looking to have a wedding (small room). Pretending to be married is just daft.

I agree with others saying changing your name and acting married would be as much effort as waiting until you can have a very small register office wedding and then having a big ceremony later. You would still have to do all the forms and change your name on everything plus explain to your close family why you are doing this and so on. If you do a real but tiny wedding then you would have the legal protection of marriage and know your partner is committed to the relationship and no need to hide the fact you aren't really married, just acting that way which is a bit odd.

I could understand if you were both anti marriage but wanted an alternative way of showing commitment and you had taken steps to ensure you would not lose out financially if you should split up. But it sounds like that is not the case.

Do you want a marriage or do you want a wedding?

What is 'acting' married! goodness I've heard it all now. Just to let you know OP people can't tell whether you are married or not. I have children but am not married, people often think I am and call me Mrs. Actually maybe I'm very good at acting if they think I am!

Either marriage is important, in which case get married however you can under the circumstances, or it isn't, in which case proceed as you are without the rings or name change or any other extras.

I'd either not bother and wait or go to registry office and get it done then proper wedding later. But if you either wait or do as you want and change name and wait, do not be disillusioned that you are legally protected if he ups and leaves. You leave with what is in your name, no next of kin, end of.

DicklessWonder Same here, I am still Ms and had zero interest in changing my name. I am always shocked that woman think they have to.

Just get married in a registry office. If you want to keep it secret and have a party/ceremony later then do that but taking names/wearing rings when you're not married is daft (I think taking names is daft in any circumstances but that's neither here nor there!)

I would do a registry office wedding, a party as and when and maybe a blessing another time

Will you plan to call him your husband? If not will you correct people who assume he’s your husband?

It seems a bit odd and I agree with most people that you should get married and therefore be married, or wait to get married and therefore not be married and hold the name, ring stuff till then.

I’m unclear on what your motivation is.

Take it back 100- 200 years and changing your name to your partner's and not actually marrying was very common. Massive change in attitudes about being truly married Vs living together probably behind this. At the end of the day do whatever the pair of you are comfortable with.

If you want the big bells and whistles wedding, you'll have to wait.
If you want to be married, change your name and wear a wedding ring, there's nothing stopping you.

@otter71 Laws have changed somewhat in that time.