Best time to tell the guy I'm seeing that I'm a virgin?

[Violumpet]

I've been really thinking about it and I think it's important that he knows that I have really no experience at all. I just can't seem to find the right moment in conversation. The only time it would have seemed semi-natural to tell him there was a woman sitting right beside us clearly eariewigging.

TBH I think he must suspect.

Would it be dreadful to do it via whatsapp?!

Do you fancy him? Does he make you feel you want to be held or kissed by him? If the answer to either is No, then please do not just grit your teeth and do it for the sake of getting it done. It won't be a happy experience for you if you do not feel any physical attraction to him.

If you do plan on sex why not have a look at porn beforehand - there are a few sites with amateurs/normal couples on them, those vids would maybe give you some ideas of what to do in bed rather than lying there like a wet fish. Porn doesn’t have to be all fake and loud.
He must be keen or equally as inexperienced if he’s waited 6 months at 30. Most men I know would find a mature virgin a bit odd tbh.

Of course it’s your decision to explore (or not to explore) your body and find out what you enjoy/don’t enjoy as you wish OP, that’s the beauty of sex. That being said, I probably wouldn’t go watching loads of porn videos. I wouldn’t find a virgin at 30 weird but I would find a virgin at 30 who had tried to prepare themselves by watching loads of porn weird. I think you’re allowed to be a ‘wet fish’ () when you lose your virginity, it is okay to ask them to take the lead whilst you relax and see what you enjoy if that is what you feel comfortable with.

Do you want to have sex? Gritting your teeth, getting it over and done with. I don’t get the feeling from your posts that you really do.

What kind of man is he? Is he kind? Gentle? Is he good to you?

He has a brilliant sense of humour and he seems very very kind and thoughtful.

Do you want to have sex? Gritting your teeth, getting it over and done with. I don’t get the feeling from your posts that you really do.

Sometimes. I want to know what it feels like, but I also can't really imagine taking my clothes off in front of someone else.

He will think all his Christmases have come at once

Am I the only one who picked up on OP not having had a smear at 31?

This is what has stood out to my OP. Just because you haven’t had sex doesn’t mean you don’t need a smear, a smear isn’t about sexual health. Please go back to your GP and have a smear. There is a reason people are trying to reduce the age to capture younger women for smear tests, it has nothing to do with being sexual active. That’s what your GP was probably lost shocked about, not having not had sex but saying you didn’t need a smear. GPs see all sorts, being a virgin wont be a shock.

He will know someone is up if you've been going out this long and not having sex. He prob thinks you're an abuse or rape survivor.
Sex doesn't really work by "taking your clothes off in front of each other".
Work up the physical stuff slowly, kissing, touching, sleeping in the same bed without having sex. It doesn't need to be rushed and can build up organically.

@Offside I have a friend who is 27 and a virgin. When she got her smear test letter she told her GP that she was a virgin and asked if she still needed the test. She was told by her doctor that she didn’t as the chances of her getting cervical cancer without having sex were so infinitesimal it was practically impossible.

I really don't need a smear. The NHS says you don't need one if you've never had sexual contact and I haven't.

Yes the smear test is to pick up the HPV virus which you get through sexual contact. I assumed everyone would have one but I suppose it makes sense if you’re nor sexually active.

I know people who are sexually active and refuse to have them though god knows why!

I also can't really imagine taking my clothes off in front of someone else
I'd say that's one of those things that is weird when you think about it. I've been with my current bf 4 years, but if I picture myself "taking my clothes off in front of him" in a kind of striptease, it is still quite an odd picture :) In real life we're kissing and cuddling on the settee, he's undone my bra, I've undone his jeans, then at some point the rest of the clothes are just off. Or I come out of the bathroom to find him all toasty under the bedcovers. As long as you don't actually have big neon strip lighting on, you'll be fine .

Are you also a bit excited? I mean, sex can be really great! This might well be the start of a lovely new experience.

I can't believe you've been with him 6 months and the subject hasn't "arisen!" in any way??

Maybe he thinks you've been abused, or he has?
Maybe he's Asexual or you both are
Maybe he's gay and happy to have a female companion for appearances sake?
Or maybe he's also a virgin and scared too?

If you never talk you will never know... You could begin by asking about previous girlfriends and see what he says. If you have a good relationship you should be able to talk about "things". If you can't maybe he's wrong for you.

Re: I also can't really imagine taking my clothes off in front of someone else
If you have enough passion you won't notice the clothes falling off because something far more exciting will be happening!! If you don't have passion or chemistry then there's no point imagining it, none. at. all.

There are also certain religions that don't ever take their clothes off in front of each other. (Mormons, I think) wear specially designed undergarments that have strategic flaps. That is a religious decision though.

Before anyone else shares intimate details of their first experiences, this post www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4088128-What-to-think-Affair?pg=15 has been put in the Daily Fail. Just be careful.

OP has not really given enough details for this to be believable and much helpful advice has been given, but not much seems to have been taken. Someone fishing for details of people's first experiences maybe?

Agreed, this post does seem odd, not the posters age, but the complete lack conversion and just a few sentence answers.

How can you not tell him, how would you explain the blood? If you can’t talk to him how do you think you can have sex?

I don't know those things, that's why I'm asking! I'm also keen to preserve my privacy.

Don’t tell him. Just say you haven’t had much experience or are shy or whatever. I don’t see how telling him will help either of you.

Don’t go from zero to sex. Build up to it over a few occasions. That way you’ll feel more in control and it will feel more natural rather than something to “get over with”.

That really surprises me about smear tests!! Thank you for teaching me something new today!

Given the problems the subject can cause for members of some cultures, it is probably worth pointing out that in fact, women do not always bleed the first time they have sex. If a woman does not bleed, that does not mean she was not a virgin; in fact, some studies have suggested that women who do bleed first time are in the minority.

Plenty of advice has already been given. Just do what you want and what feels good, or don't. Its no one else's business. Its your life.

Maybe you should watch some videos and your own research as I doubt anyone wants their experiences plastered all over the daily fail!! This is a personal thing between you and him. How would he feel if he read it in the Daily Fail? If you don't have trust, honesty and transparency in a relationship then you're both wasting your time.