Failed date asked for his scarf back... two months later?

[dothem]

I was dating a guy back in November, things were going well I thought, but then I realised he was putting zero effort in. I was given his scarf one day but completely forgot to give it back so I rang to tell him, he didn't pick up. So I text to say "hey sorry I have your scarf", he ignored it.
Then he cancelled our date last minute saying he was too busy, and made no effort to reschedule. So I decided to bin him. Why spend time with someone who won't put any effort in for you?

Then two months after me texting to say I didn't want to see him again, and receiving a huge wall of text in response, he text again "Hey do you have my scarf still?". Now I know I should probably have posted it back, back then, but it's a bit random to ask now. I know it's not a point, but this guy was always tight fisted with money (split the bill on what we've eaten kinda thing), which I completely get, but when you realise his holiday home is worth £5mil, you get the picture that he is wealthy..

I'm thinking of ignoring the text, and just sending the scarf back to his flat in London. I think he's probably at home with his family, but that's not my issue is it?

Risky with a gold ring!

I'd say ''i took it to cash for gold!

How would you know how much his holiday home was worth? That’s a very weird conversation to have had. He probably goes dutch on dates because he’s fed up of gold diggers. Chalk it up to experience and let him have the scarf back. Blocking or any of the other dramatic suggestions designed to make to look nonchalant just make you look heavily invested and still nursing wounds.

I think the hand embroidery suggestion is my favourite. I salute that level of commitment.

But yes, just send it back, OP. He hasn't done anything too bad, just wasn't the man for you. See it as £2.50 or whatever spent doing what you'd hope someone would do for you in the circumstances. I'd send him the tracking number so there's no fuss about it not turning up. No need to engage any further.

When you say he might be with his family, do you mean wife and kids? If so, really not your problem at all. He's the one asking for it back.

@Eckhart

So much drama here. If he's using it to get his foot back in the door, so what? Posting his scarf back to him isn't letting him in. It's ending the transaction respectfully and with dignity, and doing the right thing, regardless of whether he did the right thing. If he then says 'Thanks for sending the scarf, fancy a drink?', then 'No thank you' will stop him at the point he needs to be stopped; the point at which he wants more than possession of his own property.

What @Eckhart said!

I agree you should reply with "who is this?"
He ghosted you after all. You can post it back but ask for the postage money Don't let him get away with treating you (and I'm sure other women) like dirt on his shoe he's scrapped off and forgotten about.

@Rybvita

I agree you should reply with "who is this?" He ghosted you after all. You can post it back but ask for the postage money Don't let him get away with treating you (and I'm sure other women) like dirt on his shoe he's scrapped off and forgotten about.

It's really not her job to punish him, and this is just drama creation. Even if it was her job to punish him, can you think of anything more petty than keeping his scarf when he's asked for it back?

He didn't ghost her - he just didn't show the level of interest she wanted him to. It's not illegal or abusive to be incompatible with OP.

Rybvita he didnt ghost her, he was just a bit lukewarm so she called it off.

Tell him you binned it. Then bin it. What a twat

Would either block & have a laugh

Or send a screenshot of a local op shop

Then block & have a laugh

I wouldnt even send it back. I'd declare that I threw it away. Then block him. I wouldnt ever go out of my way to post something to someone who could nt make the effort with me.

She messaged him at the time saying she had it and he ignored it. She was going to return it at the next date but he cancelled.

It's lockdown and he's sniffing around for a shag. He doesn't care about a scarf. It's February and it isn't the first cold day.

He was cheap and rude. It would be far too much effort to pack it, go to the post office and pay for it.

Women need to stop being so nice to rude men.

Ignore and block.

@Yellowhighheels

Rybvita he didnt ghost her, he was just a bit lukewarm so she called it off.

@Yellowhighheels he cancelled their date last minute and made no effort to reschedule. That's basically cowardly ghosting and is much more than "a bit lukewarm"