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Original poster

Failed date asked for his scarf back... two months later?

137 replies

dothem · 02/02/2021 09:36

I was dating a guy back in November, things were going well I thought, but then I realised he was putting zero effort in. I was given his scarf one day but completely forgot to give it back so I rang to tell him, he didn't pick up. So I text to say "hey sorry I have your scarf", he ignored it.
Then he cancelled our date last minute saying he was too busy, and made no effort to reschedule. So I decided to bin him. Why spend time with someone who won't put any effort in for you?

Then two months after me texting to say I didn't want to see him again, and receiving a huge wall of text in response, he text again "Hey do you have my scarf still?". Now I know I should probably have posted it back, back then, but it's a bit random to ask now. I know it's not a point, but this guy was always tight fisted with money (split the bill on what we've eaten kinda thing), which I completely get, but when you realise his holiday home is worth £5mil, you get the picture that he is wealthy..

I'm thinking of ignoring the text, and just sending the scarf back to his flat in London. I think he's probably at home with his family, but that's not my issue is it?

OP posts:
Chiccie · 02/02/2021 13:37

I wouldn’t post it. I’d reply “Hi. Sure do. I’ll leave it on my door handle in a carrier bag tomorrow morning. Come collect. Cheers” then leave it out from 7am for 12 hours.

unfortunateevents · 02/02/2021 13:38

Sounds like you are trying to create drama here where there's isn't any (yet). A scarf won't cost much to post, put it in a bag, you can actually print postage labels at home so don't even need to go to a PO, unless you don't have a printer. Send the scarf to whatever address you have for him, job done.

Chiccie · 02/02/2021 13:38

Don’t get drawn into any text back and forth. If he opens up conversation just say “sorry? Is this about the scarf or wanting to chat? I’m not interested in chatting to you”

HarrysWife · 02/02/2021 13:43

Did he include his name in his message or is he assuming you kept his number? Because "Who is this?" or it being ignored would be a perfectly normal response!

I love this except you will look like a scarf klepto Grin. Just how many different mens scarves do you have knocking around that you wouldnt know which owner was texting you Shock

Nicolastuffedone · 02/02/2021 13:45

Just send it back, really, why wouldn’t you? It doesn’t matter how much money he has.....the scarf could’ve been a gift from someone special, who knows! Just send it back.

Ianar · 02/02/2021 13:46

@Winterpaw probate details lol...

OP has resorted to asking the internet because keeping it after being asked for it doesn't sit right with her.

She probably feels conflicted because he's been arsey with her and doesn't 'deserve' it back. But that doesn't make keeping/throwing it the right thing to do.

I'm sure if they finished on good terms she'd have no problem sending it back, even after a lack of response to her first text.

I've not seen one valid reason to keep it other than stooping. Because there isn't one.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 02/02/2021 13:48

@Gatekeeper

Post it back without any stamps on
Love this idea! ;)
Sakurami · 02/02/2021 13:49

I wouldn't go to any effort. I wouldn't reply, but next time I was going to the post office I'd send it back.

Or put it in a bag outside and tell him when to collect it.

sammylady37 · 02/02/2021 13:52

Gosh some of you are so petty, spiteful and immature.

It’s his scarf. Send it back to him. Behave with dignity and class.

ClangingChimesofDoom · 02/02/2021 13:53

By all means post it back, but why not give it a good wash first? (What a shame the label said "dry clean only".....or wash at 30....and you were thorough)

The hell? What is wrong with you??

Beautiful3 · 02/02/2021 13:53

I would reply that I've now double bagged it and left it outside, behind the bin for him to collect.

HappygoesLucy · 02/02/2021 13:57

Say 'Yes, and it goes lovely with my new jacket. Thanks!'

Coriandersucks · 02/02/2021 13:58

The responses on here are really odd

HappygoesLucy · 02/02/2021 13:59

@sammylady37

Gosh some of you are so petty, spiteful and immature.

It’s his scarf. Send it back to him. Behave with dignity and class.

Oh, like he did? Dignity is so last yah
Fivepoundcraziness · 02/02/2021 14:00

@sammylady37 Absolutely spot on.

Imagine if you'd left your favourite scarf with a guy you'd dated a bit, but didn't really like enough to carry it on with and let it fizzle out. Then it snowed and you thought, "Wheres my scarf? Bugger I leant it to that guy i was seeing back in November. Wonder if he still has it". So you text as you liked the scarf so much you didn't want to lose it and he then;
a) Sends it back with shit from his actual arse on it 😮
b) Sends it back with no stamps so you have to phone and pay to get it released
c) Ignores you and you're gutted not to have your scarf
Either way you'd think very very low of this guy and even think he was unhinged at suggestions 1 or 2.

Christ don't be so mad people!

NerdyBird · 02/02/2021 14:02

Yeah he's fishing to see if he can get a shag out of you. Either get him to do no contact collection or post it back. You can do all the postage and even arrange parcel collection online.
Don't get sucked back in!

SirGawain · 02/02/2021 14:03

Don’t be so petty, send it back and then ignore any further contact.

ClangingChimesofDoom · 02/02/2021 14:03

Maybe its a symptom of how boring lockdown life is that people are being so fucking weird about a scarf? This is why I'm embarrassed to tell people that I use mumsnet!

CruCru · 02/02/2021 14:05

While some of these suggestions are funny, they will make you look quite strange if you do any of them. I agree with the PP who said that this man has not been cruel to you. Post him his scarf - ideally send it guaranteed delivery so you can then block him knowing that he’s got his scarf back.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 02/02/2021 14:06

I also think he is fishing, I'd post it back so that anything else wouldn't be misconstrued.
Give me your postal address would be the only response needed . Once returned I would delete his number and not engage anymore.

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/02/2021 14:07

Give it to charity.
He's using it as an excuse to get in touch with you.
Why would you spend money on postage when he's been ignoring you?

How does that make you petty.

OohThatCat · 02/02/2021 14:07

Ignore him for two months and then reply and tell him he can pick it up from you - don't waste your money on posting it!

MintyMabel · 02/02/2021 14:08

Hang it on your fence, or on a tree and tell him where it is if he wants it.

sammylady37 · 02/02/2021 14:08

*sammylady37
Gosh some of you are so petty, spiteful and immature.

It’s his scarf. Send it back to him. Behave with dignity and class.
Oh, like he did? Dignity is so last yah*

No, but irrespective of how he behaved, the op can and should act with dignity. Him having behaved badly doesn’t mean it’s ok for her to do so, and her doing so would only make her as bad as him- presumably she aims for higher standards for her own behaviour.

In general I treat people how I would like to be treated. I like to know I can hold my head up high and haven’t resorted to frankly petty and stupid behaviour.

anynamewilldo2021 · 02/02/2021 14:10

Give him back the scarf.
Ask where he wants it posted.
Your nice - you'll post it for free.