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Original poster

Failed date asked for his scarf back... two months later?

137 replies

dothem · 02/02/2021 09:36

I was dating a guy back in November, things were going well I thought, but then I realised he was putting zero effort in. I was given his scarf one day but completely forgot to give it back so I rang to tell him, he didn't pick up. So I text to say "hey sorry I have your scarf", he ignored it.
Then he cancelled our date last minute saying he was too busy, and made no effort to reschedule. So I decided to bin him. Why spend time with someone who won't put any effort in for you?

Then two months after me texting to say I didn't want to see him again, and receiving a huge wall of text in response, he text again "Hey do you have my scarf still?". Now I know I should probably have posted it back, back then, but it's a bit random to ask now. I know it's not a point, but this guy was always tight fisted with money (split the bill on what we've eaten kinda thing), which I completely get, but when you realise his holiday home is worth £5mil, you get the picture that he is wealthy..

I'm thinking of ignoring the text, and just sending the scarf back to his flat in London. I think he's probably at home with his family, but that's not my issue is it?

OP posts:
Crapbuttrue · 02/02/2021 14:43

@Gatekeeper

Post it back without any stamps on
Genius.
SoupDragon · 02/02/2021 14:44

@Silenceisgolden20

Ignoring someone isn't behaving like a twat. It's moving on and not wanting to engage
Deliberately ignoring someone to prove a point absolutely is behaving like a twat. If you've moved on you'd just send it back without giving it a second thought.
Silenceisgolden20 · 02/02/2021 14:46

Who said she's trying to prove a point?
Jesus it's a friggin scarf.
This thread is strange.

I'm out.

FilledSoda · 02/02/2021 15:00

Why are postered being so nasty ?
Just post it .
Do people generally hate everyone they had a failed relationship with ?
Is this just not what dating is ?
I don't get it , I don't know why he deserves all these nasty suggestions .

Longdistance · 02/02/2021 15:03

Yes, send it back with no stamp is a good idea. He’ll have to pay for postage. The tight arse!

PippaParsnip · 02/02/2021 15:03

I wouldn't be going out of my way to post him his scarf back.

However I'd do one of two things. I'd either just ignore the text completely or I'd message back saying ' yes still have scarf. Shall I leave it on the doorstep for you to grab?'

Fuckityfucksake · 02/02/2021 15:28

He's clearly having a dry dating spell op and is fishing for a way to restart the convo.
Why would he be arsed about a scarf after this long.
I'd ignore him.
OP you gave him the opportunity to collect when things cooled off, it's his bad he didn't get it then.

BeanieB2020 · 02/02/2021 15:32

Just post it back and move on. He hasn't done anything wrong by not being interested in you and there's no reason why you should keep his scarf.

norwegianwoodpecker · 02/02/2021 15:35

Text back: who is this? Then say, ah sorry. Didn't expect to hear from you. I have given it to a local homeless man

Sillysandy · 02/02/2021 15:35

I'm rubbish at posting my own stuff so if it was me I wouldn't bother, I'd ignore him. He had his opportunity when you reminded him at the time and he chose to ignore you. If you don't mind posting then go ahead. But definitely don't answer him and do block him.

ShowOfHands · 02/02/2021 15:39

All these people convinced he's an arse or bored and wanting a shag, where are you pulling these narratives from? All the op said was he cancelled a date and she didn't like his level of effort. I've known plenty of people who tell a version of a story which seems true to them and actually, the reality is quite different.

You have his scarf. He wants it back. Either tell him to collect it or post it back.

sammylady37 · 02/02/2021 15:45

@BeanieB2020

Just post it back and move on. He hasn't done anything wrong by not being interested in you and there's no reason why you should keep his scarf.
This, 100 times this.
Winterpaw · 02/02/2021 16:08

[quote Ianar]@Winterpaw probate details lol...

OP has resorted to asking the internet because keeping it after being asked for it doesn't sit right with her.

She probably feels conflicted because he's been arsey with her and doesn't 'deserve' it back. But that doesn't make keeping/throwing it the right thing to do.

I'm sure if they finished on good terms she'd have no problem sending it back, even after a lack of response to her first text.

I've not seen one valid reason to keep it other than stooping. Because there isn't one.[/quote]
It was a typo for "private"

Lol Confused

CruCru · 02/02/2021 16:31

I've had a bit of a dull day. I now really, really want to know if this dude is going to get his scarf back.

PandaVie · 02/02/2021 17:15

I’m still laughing about the probate details.

First time I’ve laughed today, so well done OP Smile.

I’ve no idea about the scarf thing tho’.

YoniAndGuy · 02/02/2021 17:15

I'd reply perfectly politely and say yes, it's still here I think, if you want ot arrange a time to collect it, I'll put it outside in a bag shortly before you arrive.

If he asked me to post it, I'd say no sorry, that's not convenient for me, but I'm happy to leave it outside.

I wouldn't be petty, but I certainly wouldn't be going to any trouble for him.

YoniAndGuy · 02/02/2021 17:17

However, before he collected it, I'd be sure to find some embroidery thread and sew 'I'VE GOT A TINY DICK' in chain stitch along the hem.

Sorry, just feeling a little left out of the bunny boiler club there Grin

PandaVie · 02/02/2021 17:20

If he asked me to post it, I'd say no sorry, that's not convenient for me, but I'm happy to leave it outside

Could be 100 mile round trip? Could be snowing or flooding? Maybe the squirrels get there first? I’m starting to laugh hard now.

RandomMess · 02/02/2021 17:22

Literally pop it In the Postbox packaged. Leave it to him to collect it from sorting office and pay the postage!!

Santaiscovidfree · 02/02/2021 17:24

What happens if it gets lost in the post? Be extra postage for recorded delivery.. Bit cheeky fucker of him if he asks you to post it imo

. Let him know it's on a snowman if you have any snow!!

Arieldysney · 02/02/2021 17:33

OMG some of the ladies must hate men so much, did they really treated you lot so badly?! I would post it with the recorded delivery, Watsapp the tracking number, and forget he existed.

WhatWouldZenoDo · 02/02/2021 17:39

@WhatKatyDidNxt

Ignore and block. He’s trying to use it as an “in” to reel you back in
Yes, trying to reel you back in. But if he thought you were worth impressing he wouldnt have made you pay for half your food and ignored you.
Eckhart · 02/02/2021 17:49

So much drama here. If he's using it to get his foot back in the door, so what? Posting his scarf back to him isn't letting him in. It's ending the transaction respectfully and with dignity, and doing the right thing, regardless of whether he did the right thing. If he then says 'Thanks for sending the scarf, fancy a drink?', then 'No thank you' will stop him at the point he needs to be stopped; the point at which he wants more than possession of his own property.

FabbyMagic · 02/02/2021 20:16

Is it a nice scarf / look expensive? Grin

Longdistance · 02/02/2021 21:03

I used to work with a guy years ago that used to meet girls and give them his gold ring so he could see them again 🤮 very similar tactic. Lends scarf, ignores op, randomly gets in contact as ‘oh silly me you have my scarf, can I have it back?’