Please hold my hand a bit longer - thread 2 -

[MoreLegsThanMe]

I’m so grateful for all the help and support on thread 1.

Please help me keep going, especially at night. I’m not strong enough on my own.

It's taken me a very long time to understand that the only way out, is through. You're doing all the right things - letting yourself feel all the pain. I used to remind myself that I've been through worse and that any "lows" that I feel are only temporary. A high always follows a low. Always.

You are doing so well. Wishing you strength and peace!

Well done @MoreLegsThanMe. This week will be much better than last, the birthday is over, the weather is improving. Have a good day.

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, Legs. Making a list of jobs to do has always been my lifesaver at times when I know if I don’t get on with something I’ll sit and ‘watch telly’ or similar, knowing full well I’ll end up ruminating and over thinking stuff. Lists motivate me when I have no other motivation. Something physical outside is really good and afterwards even if your mindset hasn’t shifted much, you feel like at least you’ve achieved something. Hope you’ve got the weather today to enjoy being outside. XX

Patio has been jet washed and I felt very virtuous. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I got started.

A package came today addressed to DD4. I recognised his writing and opened it. There were three lumps of cake all wrapped around in cling film. No note, just these lumps. I binned them straightaway and it wasn’t til much much later that I caught on to myself that it was his birthday cake either made or bought by her. I was so furious.

He also sent DD1 similar. She thanked him and in return he sent her a video clip of the cake and lit sparklers.

I’m just without words really. Abandon your children and sending a broken up cookie is bad. Sending your birthday cake though. I honestly can’t think of a word.

That has turned my mind back to the divorce. I think I’ll be ready to issue soon. There’s expected to be changes in the autumn and it’ll introduce “no fault” proceedings, but this is his fault, entirely, and I’ll issue on that basis while I still can. I’m naming her as Co-Respondent too. I doubt he’ll get a solicitor. If one is got it’ll be of her doing.

I just feel so angry!

x

Good, get that anger out op, it seems you are finally seeing that he's not much of a loss.

Do people send carved up birthday cake through the post?
Classy couple.

Yes have a think reguarding the divorce, it may give you a sense of power back, It's all for you to decide.
Would you think he would ever file?

I admire you with the jet washing, it became so cold earlier when the sun went away, I thought it was freezing. Well done, another job ticked off, nothing better than a clean patio, other than freshly washed bedding.
What have you planned tommorow?, another earth shattering job?

Sleep tight. x

Oof, that was a tone-deaf move to say the least. In what universe could that have been acceptable to the DC. He really doesn't know them very well.

I'm not surprised you're angry MoreLegs. He deserves to be pelted with his rotten lumps of cake. It was so lacking in emotional intelligence.

Still, it's good that it's made you angry rather than upset. I also think it's time to look into channelling that anger by taking steps to safeguard yourself, and boot him out of your life. How very awkward for him that you know exactly what to do...

Well done on the jet-washing. Anything planned for tomorrow?

Take care and sleep well.

Anger is good, well done.

So that was a slice of cake for you too?

Did dd4 and ds have any reaction? I know they seem to be taking it in their stride but upset might be bubbling underneath, Hope they all ok 💐

Do people send carved up birthday cake through the post?
Classy couple

They do for royal weddings, usually in a beautifully presented keepsake box, I’m not quite sure absent fathers and lumps of cling film count.

Scummy pair of idiots posting cake, is that there idea of offering an olive branch to the dcs!!

Issue the divorce asap and damn right you should name her. My exh never wanted me to name the other woman, he was another deluded idiot.

Onwards and upwards with getting jobs done 💐.

I divorced my ex for adultery too but was advised not to name the person - I think it made things more complicated but I can't remember why as it was in 2003. I know you have a legal background though so assume you know what you're doing - I had no idea.

It could have been that she was abroad. Wish I had a better memory.

Anyway, well done on all these gardening jobs - and on getting through these dreadful times. I remember they were dreadful - we had been married 23 years but together for 30 - kids were older teens, now in their 30s. He wasn't as bad as your STBX sounds and lives abroad now. My younger DC isn't really in contact with him at all but the older one is on FB. They usually see him when he comes over (with his wife) on holiday, but they consider him more of a drinking buddy than a father nowadays.

Did he only send cake to two of your DCs??

I'd say that's a passive aggressive act on the part of a big sulky baby. It was like 'wah, wah, you didn't acknowledge my birthday but I had a great time and here's the proof cause I had a birthday cake'.

I don't read it as being inclusive but a PA way of pointing out his sense of isolation. Think he's really feeling it now.

Keep your head high OP. They are not worth living rent free in your head

I come in each morning to read your updates, you're doing really well op

We are all proud of You OP, you sound like your doing really well. Things like this will always have their ups and downs.

Oh that's horrible OP 😞 Have you spoken to your girls about the cake? I bet that was a bloody shock!

Hope you're ok op.

Just checking in.

Hi again @MoreLegsThanMe... I think sending the cake was him being passive aggressive. "Oh look, you all forgot my birthday, and I turned 60 and none of you acknowledged it. Here's some cake - all squashed like my little feelings." He must have known it would get smooshed.

Hope you're ok, MoreLegs.

Look after yourself.

Morning @MoreLegsThanMe hope you’re well, also hoping that exhaustion has finally caught up with you and you’re having some really good nights sleep. The healing can then begin.

Are you enjoying the nicer weather OP?

Thank you x

So sorry - I’m poorly and have been since Tuesday evening which is why I’ve been so quiet. I’m hoping to be a bit stronger tomorrow for a better update.

Thank you all so much and sorry x

No need to apologise! This is your thread to post on (or not) as you wish. All this is bound to have a physical effect, good that you are looking after yourself.

Oh poor MoreLegs, there's nothing to apologise for. I think we were all just getting a bit worried at not hearing from you. But you are under no obligation to post. This is your thread, for your support and for you to use as much or as little as you want.

Anyway, I hope you're on the mend now and take as long as you need. We'll be here when you want us.

Get well soon.

Oh legs sorry you are poorly but don't feel you have to post every night.
Get better and come back, as and when you want.

We will still be here to support you when you need us.

Sleep tight.

Get better soon 💐