Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

OP I realise you’re far too close to it still to be able to find it funny, but honestly he is laughable!

Social services! What a plum.

Unless his messages relate to blood or fire, just ignore him.

Seriously be blunt.

Only contact me in a medical emergency.

Well apparently he is going to email school tonight as this cannot carry on.

I sent a message at lunchtime just saying 'do you need me to stop work and have her?'

He replied to say no, he can cope.

So why message me continually then?!

Lets see what school say, but I feel bad they are being dragged into it.

I have turned off my read receipts and status on Whatsapp so he won't know if i have read them and

Lets see what school say, but I feel bad they are being dragged into it

Not your problem. If he wants to pick a fight with them, it’s his fight.

I sent a message at lunchtime just saying do you need me to stop work and have her?

No! Don’t do this again. What if he said, yes, actually, that might be best. The only person who would suffer in that scenario is you, because your work would be affected by his incompetence.

school are going to reply politely to sympathise about how difficult it all is, and the end hopefully in sight

while up in the staff room all the female teachers (many who are homeschooling themselves) will laugh at his pathetic little man incapability after two weeks, when you have obviously been coping for the last year

he will ensure that all teaching staff are firmly on your side. Let him crack on with talking to school and, to be honest, social services. They are not going to find anything detrimental at your house.

His expectations of seven year olds is absolutely astounding. He is an absolute twat

and no, dont offer to have them.

his job. he is the one who actually wanted 50-50. he hasnt the foggiest what parenting entails.

he truely is the absolute twat I mentioned in my last post

as an aside. Have you looked at PDA for your DD?

Its a subset of autism, but its features in many cases, especially with girls, are almost opposite to your standard presentation. My 20 year old DD has it, and wasnt diagnosed until 14.

He achieved what I wanted

He disrupted your work because it isn't his problem

He's create a huge big problem out of nothing

He's drawn you in so you keep up the wifework for him

Perhaps you should send your DD’s with a notebook so that he can jot things down as they come up, for you to consider and discuss at a time that suits YOU, and not disturb your work.

Wilko's version of Lego is good and is compatible with Lego.

He is contacting the school, but he won't be adding "I" can't cope, he will be saying "we" can't cope.... he won't want to own up to being the failing parent.
I would tell him I will not be reading or responding to your incessant messages. & He wanted 50/50 parenting, so Parent.
If he is unable to help a 7 year old with her school work, it shows just how little parenting he has done till now.

Sounds like one of my teenaged daughter's more irritating responses could be a good one to give to him, 'that sounds like a 'you' problem'.

He really is the most sorry excuse of a man.

I hope you have updated the school on your new living arrangements.

If not, I would definitely be doing that.

We is no more!

He’s suggested social services coz your kid doesn’t like home learning. That’s bonkers. Was he always so dramatic?

Ps, I tried to take Jasmine cuttings too and it didn’t work.

Coming out of lurking here.

I've recently been re-reading a book about guiding girls through the teen years. One part of this is entitled "I'm Upset, Now You're Upset" and describes the way that teenage girls externalise their upset and verbally hand off the emotional hot potato to someone close to them because it gives them emotional relief as they have not yet learned to deal with their feelings in an adult manner. I believe this is what Gellar is doing to you, Pollyanna. The moment he gets an uncomfortable feeling he is trying to get you to feel it too, to take ownership of it! As parents, this defence mechanism in our child often makes us feel like we need to leap into action to solve the "problem"... Sound familiar? (The advice to parents, by the way, is do nothing!)

This would be one thing in a teenager who SHOULD eventually grow out of it but in an ex husband?! No chance!

You need to stop accepting the potatoes.

Snooze his conversation on WhatsApp permanently for a week for the whole day.

Long time lurker here. Just coming on to say WTF? Gellar has had a few challenging days with his 8 year old child, bearing in mind this is amidst a global pandemic and a divorce, and he says her education is going down the pan? Jesus, what a catastrophisation of the situation. He is a drama queen playing the victim.
I have no advice but you must be so relieved deep down to the very tips of your toes that you are no longer with him.

Now would be a good time to teach your girls the word 'catastrophise', OP: as in 'Daddy has a tendency to catastrophise, doesn't he'. Alternatively a few gentle words along the lines of 'Daddy often gets very very worried and stressed, doesn't he. You have to realise that just because your daddy is worried and stressed, that doesn't mean you need to be.'

My 8 and 9yo boys are very much on board with my sort-of tactful dismissal of their father's more fucking batshit responses; I tell myself that this approach, while not ideal, is better than them tying themselves in knots thinking that he's normal/correct...

Well done on the move, incidentally!

Just occurred to me, perhaps respond.

"Stop catastrophising and only contact me in a medical emergency"

I completely agree this dumping shit on you is a childhood behaviour he should have long grown out of.

The messages have continued. I haven't replied.

To be honest, I just want to go and get them.

I know I can't.

And I'm not sure they'd be any better with me, but at least I wouldn't be constantly giving out to them.

Yes @billy1966 school know. And yes, @SwanShaped, he's been like this the last couple of years, yet still can't understand why I want to divorce him.

He's desperately trying to do dinner whilst being yelled at, apparently. And now DD1's stress tummy has kicked in and she's had loads of accidents. So she's really unhappy.

Yes, he's achieved what he wanted, which is for me to be totally disrupted. I've basically sacked off work this afternoon to sort out the Room of Doom, which is starting to resemble an office.

@ScottChegg that sounds extremely familiar!

Hot potato is about right!

He's very...what's the word? Emotionally stunted.

@NettleTea That's on the list as a potential for DD1, along with ADHD and ADD - they won't diagnose yet. I'll do some reading on it, thank you.

Yes, he's achieved what he wanted, which is for me to be totally disrupted. I've basically sacked off work this afternoon to sort out the Room of Doom, which is starting to resemble an office.

Has he though?
You have organised your office.
You have learned about days when he has to homeschool them, so will be able to maintain boundaries even better next time. And have had ongoing support here, while learning this.

He's also provided a source of incredulous amusement for us vipers...

He’s achieved what he wanted but he doesn’t have to know that. You can just pretend it hasn’t affected you.

Hi Polly
Long time lurking, I think you are doing a fab job.
I am going to have to echo what everyone else is saying, try to disengage. Every time he texts you with this nonsense, just come back with “ok thanks, talk later” or similar every time, I know it’s hard, but he is punishing you. Punishing you for leaving, punishing you for making a life for yourself etc.
With all this constant rubbish, he wants you to see what is happening with the girls and it’s all A MESS and it’s your fault (it’s not obvs)
I can see he will get the school involved, just to make more of a fuss and drama, maybe tip them off before I don’t know. A school won’t want to get dragged in the middle of warring parents but will want to know if the children are struggling.

Honestly, if I were you I would really pull back, he is used to you being at his beck and call.
Honestly I don’t know how you put up with this man for so long xx