Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

@RandomMess - sorry to hear of the loss of your loved ones.

Oh gorgeous boy Mine was the same @RandomMess he trusted me so much, I could do anything to him, poke and prod any sore bits, give him medicine, squeeze him when I needed a cuddle. The most he would do was a heavy sigh. Apparently he had a blood clot in his heart and a bit broke off and got lodged in his legs, nothing could be done about it, he was paralysed. I'm so glad he was home when it happened, not out and alone somewhere, but I feel so fucking guilty, he looked at me to help him, and I couldn't. I know it's irrational, but I just feel I should have been able to DO something. I know the pain gets easier, but right now, it's just too hard.

Oh Random so sorry to hear that. Sounds like he was an absolutely fabulous cat. Life is just so desperately unfair sometimes. Hugs

Lovely to hear your stories about him @RandomMess - he sounds like a real character and they are such a big part of your family. I’m so sorry about your mum too.

@LannieDuck I tried and failed to take cuttings from my beautiful jasmine before we moved out of the family home. They failed - epically - and on the end of the last thread I asked a gardening question and had to confess that I’m shit at it (good at pruning and hacking back but that’s it) - Connie commented to say she hadn’t liked to ask what had happened to the jasmine!

It’s snowing and I’ve done my mammoth tip run and the girls room is done, complete with their new weighted blankets. Let’s see what they make of them tonight. DD1 is apparently struggling and showing signs of anxiety so I’ll be pleased to have them back.

Gosh I’m ready for an early night. That last glass of red wine was a step too far.

Oh, and I’ve been driving around with my petrol flap open (haha) and can’t figure out how to shut it - annoying.

What car have you got Polly? I may sure there just be a YouTube video on how to shut petrol flaps on your car. YouTube is my go to whenever I need to work out how to do anything.

Random when our boy died, I bought a tiger rose and buried his ashes under it. The rose bush came with us when we moved house. I got a tiger rose as he was a tiny tiger and he loved eating flowers, he’d eat any flowers I got and leave piles of flowery cat sick all over the house. Ours was a holy terror he’d sit on the windowsill and cackle cat profanities at passers by (DH used to call him ASBO cat). They are a part of your family and losing a pet is really hard. It took ages before I could even think of him without sobbing. People who don’t have pets don’t understand.

Good to see the new thread, so sorry about you loss @RandomMess

Glad your doing ok @StuckInPollyannaMode
With regards to the petrol cap have you made sure car is unlocked when you shut it? Speaking from experience 😁

@RandomMess
Your poor precious cat, how awful.
So upsetting.
What a horrid time you are having.

Oh Random, So Sorry I am crying now in memory of our last "one of a kind" dog... He would lie on your feet, or if we were all in the same room, resorted to lying along the closed door, so that no one could get. out without him knowing... he was our guardian.

Polly, does XH send you constant updates all day of every sigh & every fight ? FGS, you never get any "free time" if he can't just shut up & deal with it. It has to be deliberate to get you worrying about them even on his watch... it has to stop.

Sorry. Was me who asked. Shouldn't have. Apologies.

Thank you for letting me into the Jasmine secret!

On the petrol flap, is it one that you release from inside the car? Could the locky catch bit be stuck so not latching when you close it? Perhaps pulling the release again could unstick it and then you can push it closed?

RandomMess, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. It's horrible when your cat is ripped from you like that - so needless, so undeserved. You really are going through the mill.

Pollyanna, given that it's something he's been through twice already, it's surprising Gellar is having so much trouble with some of the very basic concepts of divorce. Wilful ignorance?

Bit of WD40 on any spring thing??

Isn't a new car - time to read the instruction manual? Took me ages to find the internal boot release on a previous car!

Some more gratuitous cat photos!!

Both times he had an ear abscess he let the vet sneeze the gunk out without batting an eyelid - pure sporn it was.

1. Very recent, he was feeling a bit bored and wondering what he could get up to!

1. Was fed up of us ignoring his meows to have the tap turned on (would only drink running tap water, water fountain was only adequate the day you filled it)

1. Typical evening cuddle

@RandomMess I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been going through 😢

@sapnupuas absolutely no need to apologise!

@WeeDangerousSpike you just push it from the outside and it opens. I’ve looked at the manual and at YouTube and it’s just a simple push and click. Except for me, obviously 🤣 @Fooshufflewickjbannanapants I also had the same thought - car was definitely unlocked, I had the doors open. I’ll try some WD40, can’t hurt, good idea.

Well they’re back and they’re vile. I’m sooooo pleased. Demanding talks with friends on FaceTime, barely registering the new clothes that have arrived for them, barely bothered to say hello before they began demanding snacks and whinging. I’ve flung them a tangerine each and put them in front of Netflix - I’m not up for a battle.

@mix56 he goes in patches. This morning it was a list of things he suggested I pack this morning to save me packing later on in the week so he could take it back with him. He just can’t help himself.

In all seriousness, DD1 has developed a massive fixation with one of the girls at school. They’ve been friends for years but my friendship with her mum runs a bit hot and cold. The other girl, whilst lovely, has a very strong personality and they’ve had some issues at school. Anyway, DD wants the same school shoes as her, the same this and that. She had a FaceTime with her this morning and is just whinging to have another with her this afternoon. I’ve explained that as she’s had an hour with her this morning it’s entirely possible that this other girl is busy or eating etc. DD1 is having NONE of it.

When I mention it to Geller he just rolls his eyes.

Any ideas how to make her less intense in her fixation? I think it might well be that she wants to have the confidence and independence of this girl and is aping her behaviour and thinks in some way that having the same things might rub some of her confidence too? Go with the flow and let her have them or try to move her on?

Early nights all round I think.

Did you not give Gellar clothes for the DC when you left??

I would be putting in writing that seeing is though he wants X % contact then he needs to provide for all their needs at his house as you won't be packing bags for them as though it was a sleepover at a friends.

I guess the friend issue perhaps you just do the reflective listening stuff aka "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"

I hear that you really want to FaceTime time with friend again. You are cross and disappointed with me that I am saying no because once per day isn't enough.

That sort of thing???

Also - you wish you could speak with x as often as you want.
You wish she was the ringing you.
You wish you were just like X

Surely he has to provide clothes etc for his house while you do the same at your?

@RandomMess I’m so very sorry for your losses, you’ve had a terrible few months yet you’re still here, always supporting and helping others.

and a big unmumsnetty hug, please give yourself the same care you always give others.

He was incredibly handsome, and sounds so special.

Excellent idea @RandomMess- I’ll give that book a quick reread - we do a lot of talking that way, it may be that I have just gotten out of the habit.

Yes of course! General clothes were divvid up. It’s school uniform - the one that is going in has to be in proper uniform, the one at home in PE kit - bloody logistical nightmare. No, I’m not making him buy more, it’s just a waste of money, we’ve plenty of kit.

I told him we need to start fixing the days for homeschooling not switching it around as per his diary and he looked like I’d sucked a lemon. But I did it!

Ooh! I’ve had a super nice email from his aunt. Who I’ve always really liked.

@frazzledasarock old Skoda estate, sorry I meant to put that in earlier post

If it’s a Fabia this might help www.briskoda.net/forums/topic/96602-fuel-cap-wont-close/

We’ve got a Skoda. DH says the flap is linked to the central locking, try unlocking the car whilst standing next to the flap (if you can unlock it remotely) listen out for the click.

I am so glad you have spoken up and said fixed contact days.

Stand firm on this, grey rock:

The DDs need to the routine of who they are with and when, contact with either of us is for their benefit not ours"

For the time being please do not be flexible on this because it will be all one way! Plus your DC in particular needs routine and predictability. He HAS to work around them.

Honestly regardless of what you were told you can see why relationship with his ex was unpleasant and the one with his older DC was distant. This is who he always was.

Lovely to see a new thread . I'm glad you're doing well in the new house, the picture you paint of games , wine and your fire is lovely .
You are so strong to be doing this and the girls will benefit in the long run , it's a stressful time for everyone at the moment but you and your girls more so .
Keep it up and the good times will soon roll as they say 💐

You're amazing. Truly. I think you just need to see this as a phase - you have thought through your relationship, decided it should end and made that happen, taking responsibility for your emotions and practicalities. He is stuck in the 'thinking through the relationship' stage and hasn't accepted it should end, so can't process that he is responsible for his own emotions and practicalities now. He'll get there, helped by you consistently drawing the line in the sand each time he tries to rub it away.

The girls will take your lead, so they'll adjust much quicker than him. You're their rock and they will know that.

Re the face time, could you pose the question that other girl could call her if she wanted more chat too.?!
Re clothes/shoes, I'd say you cant have the same ones, this girl wont want to be copied, she will quickly go off dd if she is copying everything she does.
Also she has shoes, you cant afford new shoes.
She needs to accept you are not buying anything else, as you say, she hasn't even looked at the stuff you have !
"No" is a while sentence ! & Breath