Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

Hi @RandomMess... I just read about everything going on and I’m so sorry for your heartbreaks. Too much, too soon. It’s just not fair. You’re definitely one of the tribe members here, and I just want to add that if you do watch that silly Married At First Sight Oz, please don’t imagine that I look, or more importantly sound like any of those women! 😱😱😱 I do not have a voice like a chainsaw! I hope you find some joy in your life soon, darling! X

Hi @Jesskir89 they've coming up to 8 - to begin with I was being cautious and changing a few details, sorry if that confused you. Welcome aboard!

Do you know what? I can't even raise the energy to get angry with him this morning, I'm just exasperated. We all had a shit night, both kids in bed with me, didn't get to sleep til gone 10, DD1 had a poo accident this morning then a massive strop about school shoes and has gone to school in her boots after being vile to DD2. DD2 is being funny about food and barely ate.

I dropped DD2 down to Gellar for a day of home schooling and it's what, not even an hour and a half in and I'm getting messages like this:

Bad news here. She has checked out. She doesn't understand the maths. Frankly I don't either. She won't listen. This is heartbreaking. You especially have to realise they will never make Grammar. I really worry about DD2 whose reading also remains average. It's genuinely heartbreaking to watch their education slide.

then: she's gone

I said 'gone where?!'

Got back: I fail to understand why others sit there and listen and ours can't. She has reluctantly rejoined. I literally could cry watching her education go down the drain.

Then: I'll leave you be. It's not fair on you, you need to work.

HOW CAN I CONCENTRATE NOW?! I mean, I will, but this whole thing just makes me want to cry.

I use an app called Stay Focussed to block messages while I'm working... sounds like you could do with that.

He really needs to just get on with it by himself, what on earth is he hoping to achieve by sending you messages like this?

Whether or not either of your DDs might make it to a grammar school, or is struggling with maths is not something he has to text you about while you’re working. On his time, you really only need to know if they’re sick or injured, or if something happens that affects pick-up/drop-off timings.

You need to send a message and create a boundary.

He does not contact you when he has the girls unless it's a genuine emergency. Those messages are to guilt trip you and getting you to do all the "wifework" carrying the emotional load for everyone in it's entirety including him.

He really thinks his kids exist only for his glorification. What does it matter if they don't go to grammar school? He needs to buckle down and go back to basics. And you need to block him when you're working.

There was zero need for those messages. He just wants you to know how hard-done by he is, and has no understanding that you go through exactly the same thing without whining to him all the time.

Maybe posters can help you phrase a messages that clearly/politely says "I'm working, and need to concentrate. When you have the children, only message me if they're sick."

I think with Gellar you need to be very direct and less is more as he'll hook you into conversation.

"Do not contact me when you have the girls unless there is a genuine medical emergency."

Completely and utterly unnecessary and don't even warrant an email to you let alone phone messages.

“You need to learn methods to keep her focused on your days. (—fuck off and Google these on your new fucking iPad you knob—) Unless she has physically run away or been abducted, please do not use language like “She’s gone” to manipulate me into responding when you know I have limited time to complete my work. Unless it is an emergency, do not contact me at all.”

Okay, so I obviously don’t know how to do strike through

Thanks op sounds like a tough morning hope you're ok x

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

I messaged to say I'm working, I need to focus, as long as she is safe and well then we can talk about this later after 5pm.

'I don't want to end up not helping or not seeing my children. I could cry'

then

'I think we have to accept school might look at social services at this rate in terms of what is happening.'

SERIOUSLY??

Not seriously, obviously. It's him being manipulative and trying to make you feel bad.

Good lord he is an actual idiot. Such melodramatics.

Just ignore him now until pick up.

Dear god he’s melodramatic isn’t he? Social services getting involved because he can’t make his daughter do maths??

Do not reply. Put your phone on do not disturb.

Fuck him.

“If you mean social services might want to be involved with you then yes I agree. Your anger management and inability to parent either daughter in an empathetic manner definitely need help/parenting courses.”

'I don't want to end up not helping or not seeing my children' suggests that it is he who is checking out, not dd, he seems to be setting up a narrative that it's too hard for him to help with the kids. But it isn't helping, it's parenting. And it is solely his responsibility during the times one or both kids are with him. I would be sorely tempted to tell him that, and that he needs to pull his fucking finger out and do his job properly. Gah, he's so annoying.

Obvs probably not a good idea to send my message but it’s what I’d want to send!

Jesus he just loves to escalate things doesn't he....

Ss ffs! How ridiculous.

Just stop responding, unless there Ss genuine emergency just ignore him.

hellloooooo, She's 7 For Fucks sake.
He sounds like he just wants to get on with his own work & can't be arsed to help her calmly.
With the school shoes, let her go in slippers, who cares, don't get drawn in !!! (this is a knock on about the friends shoes, don't give in !) You calmly ignore & make sympathetic "o dear never mind " comments !!!!!
La la la,

I know it's hard but don't reply. He is still wanting you at his beck and call. Don't respond!!!!!!!!!!!

By helping do you mean parenting? It’s parenting not helping. Don’t message me again before 5pm on days I’m working except for an actual emergency. An emergency is where something needs to be done immediately.

I think you should send him this

And then your solicitor’s email address

Your solicitor’s email address attached to this, of course