Don’t mention the jasmine!

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe I’m onto my third thread.

Previous one here

Been packing the car to go to the tip. It’s rammed! Cat has been out for the first time and thankfully returned.

Greatly enjoyed my walks this weekend. Got an 8 miler in yesterday but the best part was coming back, lighting the fire and getting into a hot bath. Had a zoom with friends last night, touch too much red wine, but it was so much fun.

You’re all right re the petition. It doesn’t matter, he’s just jackbooting. Someone asked what I’d put in, sorry but I’m not comfortable sharing that at present, been advised to keep it to myself whilst it’s ongoing.

Geller is, however, incredulous that I’m not willing to carry on sharing Amazon Prime and Music Unlimited.

The weighted blankets have arrived so I’m just about to go sort out the laundry and the girls run. Been enjoying Radio 2’s musical weekend, but I can’t understand how Steve Wright is still on.

Tip run, then they come back. Roast chicken with bread sauce and roast gnocchi and board games this afternoon in front of the fire I think. Sounds like he’s been running them ragged, lots of walks etc which is good as means I don’t need to!

How’s everyone else spending their Sunday?

Sooo I don't know if looking at it this way will help but....when the girls loose it with each other, what is it sparking in you that pushes you to the point of yelling? (Caveat, we are all a lot more on edge at the moment etc etc) However if you can identify what the behaviour is making you feel can you unpack that feeling and why it makes you unable to remain calm.
For example my ds gets very angry with himself, it's never directed at me, but it makes me deeply uncomfortable and then I would get ratty and shouty with him as a reflex to make him stop, scared of him continuing this behaviour as an adult when it would scare other people.
I hate people being aggressive, I unpacked this with a therapist and realised I saw a friend hit by her father when I was a teenager and it scared the bejesus out of me.
So raised voices and micro aggression really bothers me. Now I know what's going on in my sub conscious I am much better at keeping calm when he gets angry because I don't see it as a threat I know it's my past experience colouring my response and that it isn't needed in my reaction to him. Lord that feels convoluted.
So in short can you create a mental circuit breaker that allows you to observe the behaviour but not react in the same instant, (knowing that their behaviour is programming a subconscious response in you) and find a way to hit the pause button before you respond and give yourself time to formulate a response.
I'm not sure that's made much sense but hope it's helpful!

I’ll bet the hangry thing was definitely happening. There is no way he remembered -could be arsed-to give them adequate snacks and meals if he “had to work fully”, let alone give them the attention they needed. Bet their schoolwork wasn’t done either. Knob.
As for you, remember that you’re a human being responding to some pretty shitty stimulus.
Maybe next time, why don’t you work on the assumption that he’s a cheap fucker who doesn’t do the snacks and meals like a normal person. Have something ready for them - or even a tray bake meal ready to heat up, or a bowl of soup and some toast for a really early meal. See if that improves the mood at post-Gellar o’clock.

Don't feel too bad - that sounds like a day in the life of a real parent. Only your own children can wind you up so well and so fast - despite all Zen intentions.

Although being sweet and lovely feels better to you - I have come to think that children get a lot of security from sometimes winding-up a parent and getting a predictable reaction.

(Is it something like: our parent was in charge and we didn't overpower her- no matter how powerful our feelings/behaviour were. She is strong, therefore we are safe.)

@justilou1

I’ll bet the hangry thing was definitely happening. There is no way he remembered -could be arsed-to give them adequate snacks and meals if he “had to work fully”, let alone give them the attention they needed. Bet their schoolwork wasn’t done either. Knob. As for you, remember that you’re a human being responding to some pretty shitty stimulus. Maybe next time, why don’t you work on the assumption that he’s a cheap fucker who doesn’t do the snacks and meals like a normal person. Have something ready for them - or even a tray bake meal ready to heat up, or a bowl of soup and some toast for a really early meal. See if that improves the mood at post-Gellar o’clock.

That’s a good reply - ‘Are you trying to tell me you haven’t helped them do any schoolwork?’ (Or were they back at school?)

Don’t shoot him too quickly - they were at school yesterday and after school club last night!

I fed them at 5.15 because I knew they’d be hungry. Spinach tortellini with peas and pepper strips on the side. They had a snack at 6.30 - a small oat and raisin cookie - and then an apple and peanut butter at 7.30 with a cup of hot milk.

The snacking did frustrate me but hey both had a big portion of pasta so I was relaxed about spreading it over the evening.

Do you think I should go back to giving them a proper Hot Pud in the evening? I’d steered away from it as I was worried about health and weight - DD1 is like me, definitely more on the solid side, whereas DD2 is solid muscle and there’s nothing of her - I normally only do a Proper Pud on a Sunday.

@Pashazade that’s really interesting, I will have a long hard think, thank you. @1WayOrAnother2 that makes me feel better!

Do they not get a snack at after school club?

We allow fruit after tea on a weekday, or a biscuit if we have them. DD is skinny but greedy.
DD doesn't have supper, she just goes straight to bed after maybe 1 show. DS is 9 and on meds for ADHD and he doesn't eat lunch but is starving after dinner still so we have a break (90 mins) then another meal (beans on toast, leftover tea, cereal, fruit, biscuit if we have them).

Oh. My. God. I just had to drag, carry and push DD1 to school whilst she screamed her head off. She ran away from me about 1837482 times.

We live in a tiny quiet village but OF COURSE everyone was out walking, in gardens, cleaning windows or driving somewhere.

If it's any consolation, I could fill the thread with stories of handing one of mine over half naked.

One day, it was 'decorate a jumper day'. DD3 just couldn't decide which jumper to shove some tinsel on decorate. After a huge set of meltdowns, I ended up going to the school office with her and saying 'here are two jumpers, she couldn't decide. She hasn't had breakfast and we haven't brushed her hair... But she's on time.' The lovely HT phoned me later and left a message to say that they'd chosen the silver jumper, she'd brushed her hair and put it up, and they'd snuck into the kitchen and found a chocolate brownie for her. She also reassured me that I'd done the right thing by dropping her off.

It's so hard being a parent.

I have one of those Stuck and the flipping DHT at his small specialist school went through a phase of insisting he came into school "willingly" which he saw as a game of "how much messing about can I do at the school gate" (answer: up to two hours).
Now thankfully she appears to have been banned from being on the gate when he arrives and the TAs are happy to cajole/trick him into coming in with something exciting waiting for him.

I really think this is a transition back to school and after school club.

I should imagine a whole day back in a normal busy classroom environment having to behave and concentrate then after school club is stimulation overload and knackering.

Oh God the memories of the tantrums...
I always took a snack & a drink when I got them from school. if not there were massive melt downs.
One time DS couldn't open the cereal bar, & started screaming hebejeeies.lashing out& kicking my seat.
I pulled over, grabbed it, & slung it out of the window, incl wrapping. & I was just looking forward to seeing them after school...
Not my finest hour..... makes you feel absolute shit though

I had one who was late once too often after a massive fashion crisis-induced breakdown. She was convinced that going to school in -14’C in a tutu, flipflops, and a bikini top was a grand plan, and anything else weather-appropriate was going to make her look stupid, and she was sick of looking stupid, etc.... I carried her (howling) to school in her lovely flannel pajamas, and handed her over to her utterly fantastic teacher who said “FINALLY!!! I’ve been waiting for years for a parent to actually follow through and bring their kid in pajamas as promised!!!” (I handed over a bag of winter clothing and a hairbrush and boots, etc, and she was dressed when I picked her up.) We had no more fashion battles after that.

Bloody kids, eh? They're like a 20 year prison sentence.

Polly I live on a school route and I've seen a few like that this morning. Yesterday was a novelty, but reality has hit home this morning. I have no doubt that your neighbours were watching with empathy, especially if they've been a parent themselves.

In terms of losing your rag, its a cliche but I find taking a deep breath and counting under my breath helps sometimes. Also choosing to take action rather than shouting if you can. Messing around at bedtime equals a consequence. Apply the consequence firmly, and then move on. Diversion and distraction sometimes help. To be honest though I think we all lose our temper sometimes, its human.

One of mine went through a long, long period of running away and screaming etc on the relatively short distance from car park to school gate. We had a year of the teacher on the gate watching me run around the playground after him - as long as I could get him past the a line close to the gate they would take over. I cannot tell you how many times I had to get him in a fireman's shoulder lift, run towards the gate then catapault him over the line. Next year we moved to a different entrance gate and a very differently minded TA marched up to him on Day 1 and said they were Not at Home to Mr Runaway in this playground and to get on in. He did

I've also had years of a full cooked meal with hot pudding on the table at 4.30pm for at least the autumn term. I think going back now is a bit like September for them. All new, all too much even if it's also welcome.

Polly, we've all been there. DD1 once decided she wasn't going to wear her school shoes, so ended up walking from the car to school in tights. It was a freezing February.

She only did it once. Her PE kit was at school, so I knew she'd have plimsolls to put on.

They are put on this earth to make us atone for all the shit we put our own parents through.

One way or another I would tell them there is no Disney this evening. as both of them are behaving badly, & so they can go to bed early & read in bed.

Did Geller overcome his masher issue, do you know?!

@ContessaDiPulpo

Did Geller overcome his masher issue, do you know?!

His moaning about having to focus was probably as a result of somebody saying 'Gellar, it's 3.15pm. WE DO NOT HAVE A POTATO MASHER IN THE OFFICE, nobody is going to come to your home with one, IT are not required to come and set up your printer for you and we need those reports by 4.30pm. Could you possibly focus a little more on them, rather than your lack of potato related accoutrements?'

I think this particular Geller episode should be headlined "Mashgate".

Oh yes, forgot the mash crisis was tonight

I mashed in honour of Gellar tonight and giggled at his 'lackofmasher' as i mashed

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Don’t shoot him too quickly - they were at school yesterday and after school club last night!

I fed them at 5.15 because I knew they’d be hungry. Spinach tortellini with peas and pepper strips on the side. They had a snack at 6.30 - a small oat and raisin cookie - and then an apple and peanut butter at 7.30 with a cup of hot milk.

The snacking did frustrate me but hey both had a big portion of pasta so I was relaxed about spreading it over the evening.

Do you think I should go back to giving them a proper Hot Pud in the evening? I’d steered away from it as I was worried about health and weight - DD1 is like me, definitely more on the solid side, whereas DD2 is solid muscle and there’s nothing of her - I normally only do a Proper Pud on a Sunday.

@Pashazade that’s really interesting, I will have a long hard think, thank you. @1WayOrAnother2 that makes me feel better!

Banana and almond smoothie made from ice cream and lullaby milk.,good sleep inducing food.

The mash has not been mentioned.

I will have to wait until 3.15 to find out if mash was indeed served last night, and how lumpy it was.

Still no news as to whether Gellar has sent back the Acknowledgement of Service form, or any response to me saying no to his proposal. It's been 10 days, until he does that I can't apply for Nisi. Maybe he's been too busy comparing the merits of different mashers.

Blowing a gale here and raining. I haven't run this morning, too cold and hungover meatballs over courgettini for me for dinner tonight! Contemplating lighting the fire.

Apparently DD1 went into school happy as anything this morning. Good to know she saved yesterday's terrifying demonstration of temper for me.

I do do a lot of deep breathing and counting to 10... and trying to jolly her out of it. But equally I have limits too and she has clear consequences for her behaviour. I'm hoping she is better tonight / in the morning.

School doing World Bloody Book Day tomorrow - I'll let you know how the hair goes. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it.