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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Disrespectful Db

129 replies

Brokenwife20 · 26/01/2021 21:16

Myself and my husband have been together for 14 years.
Throughout those years we have of course been through our ups and downs, mainly him cheating on me repeatedly and me giving an endless amount of second chances (yes I know).
The peak of his cheating has been in the last 4 years, put down to a variety of reasons (self diagnosed ptsd, depression,stress, and me not being or doing enough (his words)).
For the last 12 months both of us have been trying to make a better effort in repairing out relationship and things have been OK, literally just ok.
Obviously after all the cheating and other issues we've weathered my confidence has taken a massive nose dive, and I've been really struggling with my insecurities and mental health, I haven't kept this a secret he knew, although I was working on them myself (as he's not the best at being supportive to others mental health).
Two days ago I found that he had messaged a new friend he made recently (male), a very unflattering picture of me first thing in the morning at the breakfast table, with the caption "do you want to buy a dog". Without going into full detail the discussion between the two then turned to aspects of my body, in a derogatory violating way.
I'm now seriously considering my marriage again! But I wonder if I'm being too sensitive? He is arguing that it was a joke and wasn't meant to upset me, so I'm overreacting?
For me this level of disrespect is so low, he's allowed a stranger to believe its ok to speak about his wife in such a disgusting way because he was clearly ok with speaking about me like that!
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, I've tried to be as brief as possible but with enough background to give context.
I'm literally looking for reassurance for something I already know the answer to.
This is not! something I would ever consider but I happen to feel pretty lost atm, and don't actually know where to turn.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 11/02/2021 10:31

Do not go back ever!

Well done for leaving

SaltyTootsieToes · 11/02/2021 10:55

Well done you! THe first step is always the hardest.

He’s done a real job on you over many years. Don’t expect things to be perfect right away. Lots of baby steps. After each one, take time to pay yourself on the back. Set yourself small achievable goals with realistic timelines beach small goal is an achievement.

Years down the line, when you look back realise how far you’ve come.

Remember, he caused the problems. He’s responsible. Now you build your new life. Without him.

HappydaysArehere · 11/02/2021 11:11

Well done. The first step to recovering your self respect and establishing a new life which you so deserve. You can do it. In time you will wonder how you put up with it. Write everything down and especially the messaging to his equal vile mate. All to be given to your solicitor.

HappydaysArehere · 11/02/2021 11:12

Also get legal advice straight away.

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