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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Disrespectful Db

129 replies

Brokenwife20 · 26/01/2021 21:16

Myself and my husband have been together for 14 years.
Throughout those years we have of course been through our ups and downs, mainly him cheating on me repeatedly and me giving an endless amount of second chances (yes I know).
The peak of his cheating has been in the last 4 years, put down to a variety of reasons (self diagnosed ptsd, depression,stress, and me not being or doing enough (his words)).
For the last 12 months both of us have been trying to make a better effort in repairing out relationship and things have been OK, literally just ok.
Obviously after all the cheating and other issues we've weathered my confidence has taken a massive nose dive, and I've been really struggling with my insecurities and mental health, I haven't kept this a secret he knew, although I was working on them myself (as he's not the best at being supportive to others mental health).
Two days ago I found that he had messaged a new friend he made recently (male), a very unflattering picture of me first thing in the morning at the breakfast table, with the caption "do you want to buy a dog". Without going into full detail the discussion between the two then turned to aspects of my body, in a derogatory violating way.
I'm now seriously considering my marriage again! But I wonder if I'm being too sensitive? He is arguing that it was a joke and wasn't meant to upset me, so I'm overreacting?
For me this level of disrespect is so low, he's allowed a stranger to believe its ok to speak about his wife in such a disgusting way because he was clearly ok with speaking about me like that!
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, I've tried to be as brief as possible but with enough background to give context.
I'm literally looking for reassurance for something I already know the answer to.
This is not! something I would ever consider but I happen to feel pretty lost atm, and don't actually know where to turn.

OP posts:
sickofit39 · 27/01/2021 01:12

@Cockenspiel

Please for gods sake leave this utter piece of shit.

You know he’s 100% a prize cunt.

This
WhereYouLeftIt · 27/01/2021 02:06

"But I wonder if I'm being too sensitive?"
Your insecurities are overwhelming you for you to even consider that as the slightest possibility Sad.

Please, please end this sham of a marriage. Without his constant drip, drip, drip of disrespect your mental health will have a chance to recover. Stay will him and you will always feel this low.

Vtech · 27/01/2021 03:36

Come on OP. What are you doing. This man has cheated on you repeatedly, even when you’re both supposedly putting in an effort it’s still just ‘ok’, and he’s a cruel and disrespectful little shit.

What about this situation could possibly be worth fighting for?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/01/2021 04:20

I don’t need to leave a long comment just: leave

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 27/01/2021 04:41

OMG I cannot believe what I have hust read...You deserve so much better than this disgusting twat.

I hope you are okay

Pumpkinpied · 27/01/2021 06:24

Your mental health will never improve with this piece of shit in your life. Please, for your own sanity, leave him.

evouk · 27/01/2021 06:43

I've literally got no words for what I just read. This man has got absolutely no respect for you. I would look to leave ASAP as I can't see him changing

Pippa234 · 27/01/2021 07:49

In the nicest possible way get rid of this bastard and get yourself some self respect.
You should have left him before this he's vile.

Deathraystare · 27/01/2021 07:53

Not even a half-decent man would behave like this!

Just think about it for a second. If a friend told you this about her husband, you would be helping to bury him under the patio! Why are you questioning being over sensitive. How would he like it done to him??!

Oh and as you disgust him at the table I hoe you won't be cooking for him anymore. If he tells you it was just a joke then he has an even tinier penis that I suspect he has!

nimbuscloud · 27/01/2021 07:54

But I wonder if I'm being too sensitive?

No. He’s beyond awful
Have you children?

Modestandatinybitsexy · 27/01/2021 08:00

@Cockenspiel

Please for gods sake leave this utter piece of shit.

You know he’s 100% a prize cunt.

First reply nailed it.

You've made huge allowances for him in light of his ptsd etc and he won't extend the same courtesy for your mental health.

Not only is he disrespectful of your relationship by sleeping around, he's now gone out of his way to make a joke of you and hurt you in a different way.

Please get out, I bet you'll feel better about yourself in no time.

JaneExotic · 27/01/2021 08:01

I actually gasped aloud when I read that.

Lordamighty · 27/01/2021 08:02

He has done a real number on you if you think you are being too sensitive after reading that. Good God what are you waiting for, get yourself out of there.

ConorMasonsWife · 27/01/2021 08:03

He's vile. Just leave. Some things aren't worth saving, you will feel much better about yourself if you go.

Sparkletastic · 27/01/2021 08:03

I can't believe you even have to ask. I guess that's a sign of the number he's done on you. Get him out.

JiminyLeeCricket · 27/01/2021 08:04

@BlueThistles

Why are you still there OP ? this man neither respects nor cherishes you ...

So why after everything... are you still there ? 😳

Because she's been ground down for 14 years.
Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 27/01/2021 08:06

Line up your ducks and leave. Your mental health will improve dramatically without that loser of a 'D'H.
And, sorry, do get an STI check if you've had unprotected sex with him and he's been sharing his dick about.

OhAnotherNameChange · 27/01/2021 08:11

I'm sorry OP, that is a absolutely disgusting thing for him to have done. Even without the multiple cheating it would be a good enough reason to leave the bellend.

Imagine putting down and degrading the person you vowed to love? Please please leave this man, you deserve so much better. Do you have kids?

wellthatsunusual · 27/01/2021 08:18

I've read of some terrible husbands over the years but in terms of mental cruelty yours is one of the worst tbh. And absolute shame on his friend too for not responding to his message with 'wtf? Have some respect for your wife'.

No, you're not oversensitive. He's a dickhead. I would suggest telling him that's fine, you'll message your friends and they can all criticise his appearance and wait for him to protest that it would be different if you did it, and that would prove you don't respect him, and that sort of talk is why he cheated on you. But...I strongly suspect that he has got you isolated and you're no longer in contact with your friends.

mamaoffourdc · 27/01/2021 08:23

I would just leave - no one deserves this behaviour x

ChorltonWheelie · 27/01/2021 08:27

Leave him, he is a horrible excuse for a human being and you deserve so much better.

What he has done is never ok

oreo2020 · 27/01/2021 08:28

Get rid of him and I promise you, about one month later you will be much, much happier.

oreo2020 · 27/01/2021 08:29

In the meantime stand up to him! Tell him, he's a prick!

CorianderBee · 27/01/2021 08:31

A cheating, bullying, gaslighting, unsupportive boyfriend? Why on earth would you stay??

SatsumasOrClementines · 27/01/2021 08:32

I could cry for you OP, that you’re so ground down that you’re actually questioning whether this is acceptable or not. You are worth more than this.

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