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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Disrespectful Db

129 replies

Brokenwife20 · 26/01/2021 21:16

Myself and my husband have been together for 14 years.
Throughout those years we have of course been through our ups and downs, mainly him cheating on me repeatedly and me giving an endless amount of second chances (yes I know).
The peak of his cheating has been in the last 4 years, put down to a variety of reasons (self diagnosed ptsd, depression,stress, and me not being or doing enough (his words)).
For the last 12 months both of us have been trying to make a better effort in repairing out relationship and things have been OK, literally just ok.
Obviously after all the cheating and other issues we've weathered my confidence has taken a massive nose dive, and I've been really struggling with my insecurities and mental health, I haven't kept this a secret he knew, although I was working on them myself (as he's not the best at being supportive to others mental health).
Two days ago I found that he had messaged a new friend he made recently (male), a very unflattering picture of me first thing in the morning at the breakfast table, with the caption "do you want to buy a dog". Without going into full detail the discussion between the two then turned to aspects of my body, in a derogatory violating way.
I'm now seriously considering my marriage again! But I wonder if I'm being too sensitive? He is arguing that it was a joke and wasn't meant to upset me, so I'm overreacting?
For me this level of disrespect is so low, he's allowed a stranger to believe its ok to speak about his wife in such a disgusting way because he was clearly ok with speaking about me like that!
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, I've tried to be as brief as possible but with enough background to give context.
I'm literally looking for reassurance for something I already know the answer to.
This is not! something I would ever consider but I happen to feel pretty lost atm, and don't actually know where to turn.

OP posts:
JamesMcAvoyswife · 09/02/2021 22:21

He’s a snake. You can’t trust this man at all. He’s cheated numerous times and has sent humiliating pictures of you to his new friend and they’ve both poked fun at you. Ew he sounds like a creep.

Figgygal · 09/02/2021 22:26

Christ he’s disgusting
Get out!!!

Brokenwife20 · 10/02/2021 20:52

I left 🙂

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/02/2021 21:13

@Brokenwife20

I left 🙂
Oh thank GOD and well done.

I remember feeling so sad reading your first post and it just got worse and worse.

Are you living separately yet or still sorting all of the admin side of things?

WELL DONE Thanks

Noshowlomo · 10/02/2021 21:15

This man is DISGUSTING and I am so glad you left

MoonGeek · 10/02/2021 21:17

Well done OP
He sounds awful
Be kind to yourself, it will get better 💐

JaniceBattersby · 10/02/2021 21:19

Oh well done. I’m sure he thinks he’s done nothing wrong and that this is all your doing but who gives a shit what he thinks eh?

Logmein · 10/02/2021 21:23

Well done OP Flowers

StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 11/02/2021 06:02

@Brokenwife20

Well done. So pleased you have done this. Your life, prioritise yourself and your boys.
Take care and I hope you have family and friends to support you.

ClaryFairchild · 11/02/2021 06:36

I am so glad you've left!! Well done.

How are you coping now? I hope you've managed to start healing.

Opaljewel · 11/02/2021 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Opaljewel · 11/02/2021 07:49

Oh Idiot here didn't rear through the whole thread dohh. Celebration that you left!!! Now is the start of your new life without this useless lump!

Greenevalley · 11/02/2021 07:53

Well done.Flowers

Newcastleteacake · 11/02/2021 07:57

Go you!

It's going to take a big of time but I promise you, you are going to be happier than you've ever been. And your kids will see that change in you and know you did the right thing.

The first step is always the hardest but you've taken it. You deserve to smile every day.

ChancesWhatChances · 11/02/2021 08:00

He doesn’t love you, he never will. You need to leave if you ever want any kind of love in your life

ChancesWhatChances · 11/02/2021 08:00

And I’ve just noticed how late I am to this thread, sorry ignore me!

PurplePansy05 · 11/02/2021 08:04

OP I just read your posts and just wanted to say well done you! The way he was treating you was so bad that it didn't seem real tbh. Also the fact you think his behaviour did not affect your kids likely isn't true and you've done the 100% right thing for you and for them in leaving Flowers Stay strong and away from him now xx

TJ17 · 11/02/2021 08:08

@Brokenwife20 I'm so glad you left!

I came on here to say I've heard about some pretty awful DHs on here before but yours has got to be one of the worst! 😦

Please please don't go back to this utter piece of shit. You might not think it will impact your children but it will. They cannot grow up believing this is the way to treat a woman (or any person for that matter!!)

Well done for your strength, please stay strong Thanks

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/02/2021 08:19

Best update ever! Well done OP

Itstimetoquit · 11/02/2021 08:36

How are you op x where did you move to x

inappropriateraspberry · 11/02/2021 09:11

Good luck, the only way is up!

KindnessCrusader · 11/02/2021 09:54

Wow I've never, ever said this but LEAVE HIM! I feel so sorry for you, please leave him.

KindnessCrusader · 11/02/2021 09:56

I've just seen your update, well done you! Sending you so much luck for the future Thanks

HappydaysArehere · 11/02/2021 10:25

I have always advocated riding out a few storms during marriage but this is different. A man that talks about his wife in such a derogatory manner and enjoys a laugh about her with another man is no real man. That is on top of his affairs which he makes out are the fault of his health or you. For goodness sake take charge of the situation and make a new life for yourself. It may seem hard but not as difficult as living with this useless creature (not man).

Punching · 11/02/2021 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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