Disrespectful Db

[Brokenwife20]

Myself and my husband have been together for 14 years.
Throughout those years we have of course been through our ups and downs, mainly him cheating on me repeatedly and me giving an endless amount of second chances (yes I know).
The peak of his cheating has been in the last 4 years, put down to a variety of reasons (self diagnosed ptsd, depression,stress, and me not being or doing enough (his words)).
For the last 12 months both of us have been trying to make a better effort in repairing out relationship and things have been OK, literally just ok.
Obviously after all the cheating and other issues we've weathered my confidence has taken a massive nose dive, and I've been really struggling with my insecurities and mental health, I haven't kept this a secret he knew, although I was working on them myself (as he's not the best at being supportive to others mental health).
Two days ago I found that he had messaged a new friend he made recently (male), a very unflattering picture of me first thing in the morning at the breakfast table, with the caption "do you want to buy a dog". Without going into full detail the discussion between the two then turned to aspects of my body, in a derogatory violating way.
I'm now seriously considering my marriage again! But I wonder if I'm being too sensitive? He is arguing that it was a joke and wasn't meant to upset me, so I'm overreacting?
For me this level of disrespect is so low, he's allowed a stranger to believe its ok to speak about his wife in such a disgusting way because he was clearly ok with speaking about me like that!
I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, I've tried to be as brief as possible but with enough background to give context.
I'm literally looking for reassurance for something I already know the answer to.
This is not! something I would ever consider but I happen to feel pretty lost atm, and don't actually know where to turn.

Oh my word, I just want to give you a massive hug! That’s such a awful thing for him to say, although I’m sure he didn’t actually think through what he was saying.
Just know that no matter what you decide to do, you do deserve better than this as no one deserves to be treated that way

We do have children, but no his horribleness does not thankfully extend to them, they adore him and often turn to him more than me

My blood ran a bit cold at that.

You have boys? And he's just lovely to them, so they look up to him... and watch him treating their mother like a piece of shit, and they think 'Oh yes, that must be the way you relate to women, then.'

Honestly- if you don't want to be sitting there in ten years' time, watching your sons speak to you exactly the way he does, and treating their own girlfriends just the same - LEAVE.

He is the worst kind of father they could possibly have. You don't need to directly abuse to be an abusive parent.

Don't let him ruin them.

I wasn't going to continue posting but feel the need to stress that my kids don't actually see him cheating or know that he ever has done.
They sense an atmosphere and ask if we're ok, both individually and together, which we both obviously tell them we are.
My boys are so kind, caring and loving that none of what I've experienced from their dad has impacted in their attitudes or behaviour.
I also want to point out I don't have anything against single mums, my mum is one and is my hero,as are you all, its just not something I ever envisioned for my kids and upsets me that I don't think I can give them the stereotypical family home when it's all they've known.

Its not what anyone envisions op but you've got to put yourself first here. You dc will be fine x

OP your boys will not benefit from you covering up their dad's absolutely unacceptable behaviour.
Your husband is not worth all the energy you are putting in to pretending he isn't a prize winning dickhead. You'll never change anyone that cruel, no matter what you do.
Redirect that energy into a plan to leave him and take control of your own life.
Good luck, be strong.

You do not deserve this, please leave him.

Your man is a fucking idiot.

Your self-esteem is low or you wouldn't be with this trash. Just get legal advice so you know where to go from here. He should leave.

Is it worth wasting years of this one life on an absolute dickhead? How do you envisage your life alongside him when you're old?

Honestly, get rid. He's just a man. There are kind men/people out there, you'll be fine without him

No words!

Use your hurt and anger to get out of this situation, teach him a lesson and learn to respect yourself again. You've been a wonderful mum & given everything to your kids. Now cites your turn. You can do better than this mean man/child. You have to teach people like that to respect you and stop being a door mat. What would you advise your daughter or best friend to do? There's your answer. 👩🏻😘😘

Someone I once knew in my teens is like this, been married for years to a woman who is either turning a blind eye or whose self-esteem is so torn to bits by his constant cheating, she doesn't have the confidence to leave.

He spent years sending me suggestive messages and I eventually blocked him, but I know he is still, in his late fifties, finding women to sleep with. He posts terrible memes on his Facebook about women, brags about his conquests, etc, that not only his wife sees but his kids as well, although that may have changed

His behaviour is APPALLING, years of cheating and so little respect for you he mocks you to his friends. This is not normal by any stretch but I suspect because you've forgiven him so many times when he does it again it makes it easier to deal with. The fact that he has ZERO respect for you isn't your fault but the fact that you stay with this pathetic little man is your decision.

Time to leave

I also just noticed that you think your children don't know the extent of the emotional abuse thrown at you,

Sadly you're mistaken especially as you admit the terrible impact it has had on your mental health. Children pick up on EVERYTHING, they hear things you think they can't and it all sinks in then eventually becomes an issue.

For the sake of your children and your own mental health please make plans to leave

No you’re not being oversensitive. Please don’t doubt your feelings OP.

What a cruel and disrespectful thing to do. This isn’t a relationship.

Whenever I hear such disrespect I ask this: what would your advice be to your daughter if she said this happened to her? You know the answer.

Do your son's a favour and get them away from this disrespectful pig.

Honestly that comment he made is disgusting op I really feel for you , no matter what he says that is not love or respect. Infidelity aside now he is treating you is vile and he’s disrespecting your kids too by cheating on you repeatedly and talking about you so horribly , don’t let him tell you it’s banter , I’ve read banter I know what men can be like , that is not bathe it’s degrading , nasty and beyond disrespectful you could have so much more he sounds like a loser x

I honestly felt so sick and wanted to cry when I read about the texting. It's so so hurtful, disrespectful and generally just despicable.

He is supposed to be the man that has your back, defends you even when you might've been unreasonable, your teammate in life, your soft place to land when the world is going mad!
He has failed miserably whilst you ( because you are a kind and probably very worn down woman)have excused his cheating as mental health issues.
It is all bullshit and he is laughing at you- not even in his head- sharing how shit he treats you with his mate, and it probably isn't the first time.
Please my dear lady get angry and get out of this relationship. I know you think that the kids don't know anything but I promise you that they are not stupid! Walls have ears from my experience.

Absolutely sickening.

Leave.

Dear @Brokenwife20 please please take these comments seriously. You know this situation is wrong. You know this is not how a kind, loving spouse treats their partner. You will be FINE a as a solo parent, and your children will thank you for taking them out of a toxic home. Well done for reaching out online for support and reassurance. Now take the next steps and do the same in real life. I hope you find the courage to leave and make a better life x

@Brokenwife20 I felt so sad reading your post. You want your DH to be the man you think he can be. You don't want your children not to have the stereotypical "happy" family. He's worn you down to the point where you're even considering him sending a picture to a "friend" referring to you as a dog as a joke. Honestly the most disgusting thing I've read on here. Obviously he said it thinking you wouldn't find out but he shouldn't be saying it in the first place!!

There's literally no way I could get past that (and that's without the years of cheating). What else do you think he's saying about you behind your back? You deserve so much better, so much more. I know leaving is probably beyond overwhelming but get some counselling if you can afford it, and prepare yourself for when you have the strength to leave (or better yet throw all his shit out the front door and tell him to fuck off). I hope you're okay .

This reminds me of the Sally Challen case, where her husband Richard would put her down in front of their friends, he would say she was disgusting naked and smelled. He also had a lot of affairs.

She ended up killing him with a hammer! Their sons are now public speakers against domestic abuse. What your DH is doing to you is absolutely unthinkable and you deserve so much better. He is an abuser. It is going to be horrendous growing old with a man like that, get out before those days come!

Why are you still with him?

Hi there op how are you doing? Xx

You only have one life OP, this isnt how to spend it and this man is incapable of behaving better, why should he when you just accept it.

A joke? My dear god I have never heard anything like this. You must feel terrible. I would get rid of him right now.

Oh wow,what a disgusting horrible oxygen theif,reading that made me sad and angry! Please leave him,sending hugs xx