Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

@Ntwa sorry to hear about your situation. But agree with others, my best friend recently married someone from Bumble and I do know some success stories. I'm in a process of being slowly faded out so I know the sadness of 7 months let alone your scenario of 4 years. Keep posting. I had a nosey and it was dire!

@Shayelle2009 meet and you may be pleasantly surprised!!!

@Shayelle2009 I think if you are enjoying chatting to him and don’t find him unattractive I would give it a go, you may fancy him in real life.

@Eesha do you think you are being faded out?

@eesha and @onemorerose thank you. I'm finding each day harder and harder.. Definately not in a dating frame of mind for lots of reasons but I guess things happen for a reason

@onemorerose i just think my partner isn't bothered anymore. He wanted to take some time to deal with his autism but I've been the one to reach out etc. My gut feeling is I'm being faded out somehow. I'm taking a step back now.

He had to go... started getting bombarded with the usual ‘what you up to’..’hows your evening’... ‘what you got planned for today’ which all irritate the crap out of me... then sending further messages when i hadn't replied within 3 hours because you know, im kinda occupied living my life. cant stand being hounded.
Maybe I should just be cool being single as honestly I hardly ever click with anyone. Only 3 I really clicked with in the last year - not very good going is it ?!?😂😂

Ahh @Eesha im sorry to hear this is whats happening. Youve done amazingly well keeping your cool and patience the last couple of weeks. Even if its genuine though is this how he will treat you any time the going gets a bit tough? Freeze you out for 2+ weeks leaving you in limbo? You've said previously he wants kids - he obviously cant cope with any stress so how will he ever cope being a father ?! Its not nice at all and you deserve more than this.

@Shayelle2009 i messaged yesterday and he did reply etc but I suggested a call and he seemed to not be keen. Didn't say outright but clearly hiding and I began to feel like I'm annoying. That gave me the impetus to decide to stop making contact. I'm just going to back off and see what happens now. It's just been me reaching out, very one sided. There isn't any point now.

@Eesha that’s a horrible feeling, who knows what’s going on in his head. I’d be the same as you and backing off a bit to protect myself.

@Shayelle2009 I was just about to drop mr beach a how’s your evening going message 😂 I’ll leave it for now. We ended up on the phone last night having a wee drink together and had a few texts this morning.

@Eesha I must say you seem to be handling this so well...I would be going out of my mind.

I'm trying to shift my mindset though to if they can't be bothered then that should be a turn off...not a chasing scenario. Hope you are doing okay x

@Isitreally777 how's it going with you?

I've realised I've had this dating thing qyute wrong and it's better to not invest in people that don't invest in you!

I joined Facebook dating today too. All the men are awful...holding fish, swearing at the camera etc. Where are the decent ones?!

@bangheadhere40 I'm okay, nothing else to report, been a quiet weekend. Had the odd message from Mr Computer Geek but he had his kids yesterday(if he is telling me the truth) so I didn't expect much.

@bangheadhere40 @onemorerose thanks, I was more annoyed than anything else. I'm usually pretty easy going and accommodating but you know that cringy feeling where you realise you feel like you are chasing when you aren't, well that's what I felt. I was angry that he was hiding from his phone because he didn't feel up to having a phone chat. Why not just say that.
My friend said i should have just kept our chat texty and light and that the phone was too much pressure. Yet this is a man I've been dating for 7 months! I just am stepping out mentally and observing what happens. My guess is no Valentine's card plus a slow fade. It will take something huge to get it back on track, ie him messaging me loads etc but I doubt he will. He just doesn't care enough at present.

I agree @Eesha why should it be friendly and light, it's not someone you've been on 1 date with.

It certainly is a terrible feeling but it says more about him than you x

@eesha I feel your pain. Mine has done the same to me after 4 yrs.. Feels dreadful

@bangheadhere40 exactly, its not like im someone to go in all guns blazing, it was literally "do you fancy a natter later?". The truth is I know he's got stuff on his mind but he's shut me out, his partner. He knows I miss him etc, but no text etc to ask how I am etc. I have been the one to instigate things throughout this period, to check in. Nothing really from him, maybe one instigating text. I have been thinking that I really want more from a partner, not hearts and flowers etc but simply the odd text to check in would have been fine. This isn't love, this is being completely taken for granted.

@Ntwa that's horrendous, 4 years is so long. My view is that they've checked out mentally. It's horrible. My partner has autism so I've given him a wide berth as hes struggling with it but every day of no contact is killing my love for him and making me very uncertain as to whether we work as a couple.

@Eesha you’ve every right to be annoyed, you don’t deserve to be in this limbo, it’s horrible,

Well mr beanie flaked on me then changed his mind so we did have a FaceTime. It was fine until he started going on about how his ex had got engaged and he was feeling upset about it. I mean come on yes I can be a good listener but during a first FaceTime 🙄🙄🙄I feel like giving up today

@eesha yes he had a tenancy to do this in the past.. I'm not 'shocked' but considering we'd discussed a future together I am. I have no idea why they tell us what we want to hear, then get fed up when we push.. We then lose the will and THEY have the nerve to dissappear..??! I should be more angry than I am.. I hope I find that point. All I will say is if theyre comfortable doing what they want now, it will only get worse as time goes by
@angelofdeath thank you it helps to vent

Oh @onemorerose i think it’s completely different if youve already established a connection, met and like each other but when ive only just started chatting to someone I cba with those kind of dullard chats... I kind oif imagine it being like if youve just met them in a bar and youre face to face with them, you want chats that spark and are a bit fun and exciting!

Sorry for everyone who is having a crap time at the minute due to men in their lives 😔 X

@Angelofdeath agree not to bother with anyone who doesnt have a pic - clearly hiding something!! On pof you can select it so anyone who doesnt have a pic can’t send you a message 👍🏻

Ugh @Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz, not what you want to be talking about on your first FaceTime!

Yes @Shayelle2009 thanks for making me feel less boring 😂 it’s just a wee check in I guess. But yes, that kind of thing for an initial connection is just yawn.