Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

Hi everyone. Could someone help me with what you think this means? We were talking about meeting people and them being totally different to their pictures etc and what a waste of time it is, then as part of his message he said:

'I'm on another app and it's a lot more straightforward; what you see is what you get, if you know what I mean.'

And I don't tbh! Is he talking about some kind of hook up app? Surely dating apps are mostly the same? I'm talking to him on Tinder..

Apparently it's Fab. I can't see that app in the Google store, but Google seems to say it's a gay hook up thing

This is the thing I know about 10 people off the top of my head who don't do social media and they are by no means dodgy. My sister doesn't have a WhatsApp picture or social media. My brother doesn't have social media or WhatsApp.

@OutingMyself FAB is fab swingers. It's a hook up site although very rarely people do start relationships from there.
There are a couple on the other dating thread.
But, predominantly it's for casual sex so yes, what you see, quite literally sometimes, is what you get.

Thanks everyone.

I told him that's not my cup of tea and he's changed tack 😆 I think I'm out though!

@Angelofdeath presumptuous twat!! Its good you never had to bother meeting him!
I matched with the most gorgeous guy on bumble today. I sent ‘hi’ not expecting any reply but he did saying he would love to know about me!! Nice little spark for me, after weeks of absolute nothingness!! Ive replied but not heard back, hope he does reply.

Omg restaurants... yes... arent they something from a fairytale?!? Think ive forgotten!

@Isitreally77 how do you usually communicate? With my old iron he wouldn't even give me his number for months!

Hi another newbie to the thread. I'm 43 and this is pretty soul destroying isn't it. I've been on and off OLD for years and keep giving up on it but then going back for more punishment..

Had an initial phone chat with a guy on Thurs night (met on Bumble swapped numbers) we didnt stop nattering for 2 hours. Since then it's all gone a bit stilted.. I didn't message all day yesterday until he asked how my day was last night. We swapped a couple of half arsed messaged and heard nothing since. Neither of us seem that bothered tbh but he's the only guy I've felt physically attracted to (in pics) for ages. Whaddyado?

Just had another 1st date. New iron is older. Have a 2nd date with another (young iron) tomorrow. It’s all new, the social distanced dates.
Both of the recent dates have not tried to kiss me. Is this corona? Usually if a man did not kiss me at the end of a date I would assume they are not interested?

Me too @Angelofdeath... no one to go out with haha!! Well the good looking one replied but i got a distinct vibe he was after a saturday night shag so i unmatched. Then i got chatting to another one on pof and thought he looked promising but soon got a vibe he could be controlling. Am i too sceptical and suspicious? Maybe so.. but I tend to really listen to and trust my gut these days. Its usually spot on.

@onemorerose... how’d it go with mr beach??

I’ve been chatting with this guy on OLD for just two days and it all felt so intense within hours- telling me how lovely he think I am, how he’d tell his mother about me etc. he’s been divorced twice... this AM I woke up to this:

__It’s a lovely morning and I just wanted to thank you for stepping into my life 😘 I am very grateful for meeting someone like you and really cherish the fact that this lovely lady has crossed my path. As soon as you wake up coffee will be ready and please start the weekend as the amazing lady you are. ❤️

My jaw dropped. We have NOT met! We were planning to go for a walk next weekend. There has been a lot of love bombing going on with him- he’s been inviting me to his house, saying he’s got space in the wardrobe for me etc. when I called him out on that one, he said he was joking.
When I saw this text this morning, I told him I thought we needed to pump the brakes!! He said I was being negative and pessimistic! And if I wanted to be with him I had to be in 100%. I HAVE NOT MET THIS GUY!! This is creepy as hell and if I’d gone along with it, we would probably have just one roll in the haystack before he ghosts me.
When he started this behaviour, I searched ‘love bombing’ up and this guy was a textbook case. The video I watched also said to do a ‘test’. If you ask them to slow down, they will say you’re negative and you’ve got baggage from your last relationship- once they say that, just know they’re in for a shag and dump and nothing more.
And that’s what it actually was! Careful out there ladies! Especially if you want a proper relationship!

I'd also be interested to know how people handle kissing. I don't think I could date someone for months without kissing.

@Shayelle2009 it went well, I think, he’s quite quiet and the only touching was a kiss when he dropped me off. I’ve invited him for drinks here on Friday, I’ll be a bundle of nerves!! Sorry your matches didn’t work out but yes 100% to going with your gut.

@Unicornamy sounds like you dodged a bullet there, what a weirdo!!

@Zoomme I’m definitely looking for a physical relationship not just a walking buddy. I know it’s irresponsible in these times but if I thought something was going to go further I’d have to kiss them ASAP! But I do get that people don’t want to kiss. @cracracatlady maybe you’ll have a kiss on your second date?

Aww @onemorerose hopefully having a drink will make the atmosphere a bit more exciting!! Glad it was ok though 😆

Hey all, just came on here to have a little nose.
I was v recently with someone for 4 yrs, v happy as a while.. But no progression. I finally after a few threats and arguments put my foot down and said I wasnt willing to be a part time gf anymore.. That was 21 days ago. I'm heartbroken. I remember being on the dating sites having had a couple of v short term situations and having had enough, then he came along and... Yeah like I said I'm fed up. I read this and it fills me with dread!! My friends also recently back on one and it's just depressing! What makes us want to do it again!!

Lol @Shayelle2009 that’s what I’m hoping. The kiss was very nice 😆 he’s pretty open with me but it feels like I’m the one doing all the talking/asking. Anyway, we will see what happens on Friday, if it happens! I’m so missing bars and restaurants right now, it certainly makes dating easier!!

@Ntwa sorry to hear that but it seem like you did the right thing, no point hanging around if you want commitment and he doesn’t. And yes, I can’t lie, it’s depressing. But my friend is 40 and currently loved up with a guy she met on tinder and we all know positive online dating stories I’m sure. It’s just all the ghosters, dick pics and assholes we have to wade through that’s depressing.

I know @onemorerose im really missing bars too also coffee shops as you can have more of a chilled quick first ‘meet’ for a coffee then decide if you want to meet up again for a longer date/drinks!
Im chatting to another guy who seems really nice but not sure if I’d fancy him.. do I keep chatting?!?

I agree bit having anywhere to go makes it all so much harder.
I met mr check in the November lockdown and we went for a walk and take out coffee. I gave him a very brief peck as he left.
The next time I saw him ( and we spoke on the phone in between) I invited him to my house, something I never would have done before for a second date. But I felt safe with him, told him I would not normally do it, told him that sex wasn't on the cards and he respected that. Led to a lovely snogging session on the sofa though!

And I'm not being funny but with the length of time this pandemic has been going on people aren't going to not date are they, well in my humble opinion anyway!

And Shay yes I would because until you meet him you never know. If there's nothing else putting you off I would carry on.