Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

@pineappleonpizzaornot... ‘genetic potato thing in the late 70s’... 🤣🤣 bwahahaaa 😂

@Shayelle2009 how are you since? You seem in good spirits thankfully.

Lol @ Mr Spreadsheet, my brother bought me a cup saying "I love Spreadsheets" on for Christmas!
We haven't gone longer than a 2 hour gap of messages since Saturday morning! So quite a bit! We have swapped numbers too, and I haven't been on tinder since. How often are you guys messaging? I am scared about a phone call, but I cant pen-pal forever lol. I hope he can talk properly .
We have both said we are quite shy, but I like that, we seem to be moving at the same pace, I dont feel pushed into the call so thats good. He is also 30 miles away from me, so I dont think its sensible for us to meet up with the restrictions the way they are which is a shame. Im pleased its going well for you too

Good luck he sounds good!

Well I'm wfh and he's at work but have been messaging most of the day / evening. He's 50 miles away so again probably not a great idea to meet right now.

Seems to flow though. Last year I had an iron who put off meeting me for 3 months then faffed about for months after. I don't think this one is like that though. Who knows though...they can vanish as soon as they arrive 😅

Hi Linda 👋 im all good thank you for asking 💛 it’s a shame about JD but for whatever reason he couldnt be arsed, im ok with that now. The apps are fruitless for me so im not bothering. Just got to accept there’s no irons and I need to occupy myself doing day to day life with no excitement lol. How are you Linda and what are you feeling now about your most recent one, are you going to see him again do you think? Hope you feel ok about it all, whatever you decide.

@Shayelle2009 - Too much of a good thing ! How many ways can you have potatoes - roasted, chipped, mashed, boiled .
Im having a nice time with him for now, just little things, like we have recommended box sets to each other, and started watching them and reported back on what we think, its nice to actually "communicate" with someone for a change rather than pull my teeth out and open messages with one eye closed! and sicking in my mouth a bit when Ive read the dire things people send me!
@bangheadhere40 - sounds all good your end too

That’s what its all about isnt it @pineappleonpizzaornot just having that click with someone and feels like a new friend. Though of course hopefully will be more than that!! Thats what i miss just having that day to day chat, the ‘company’ ...it’s fun 😄

Thank you @Shayelle2009 - it is, and Ive missed it so much! I really hope it carries on, I love the fact that we seem to like the same things on telly lol! Ive had a bit of a bad day today with a work thing and a family member, and Mr Homeless has asked how I am and hes really listened, nice to talk to someone that isnt my Mum for a change .

That's nice pineapple...Mr Spreadsheet has been listening to me whinging on today too about a family illness issue. I forget I'm speaking to someone I don't know!

Oh goodness I hope if this carries on and we meet them they are good in person and they think the same 😅 I've not been swiping for now and am just going to put all my eggs in Mr Spreadsheets proverbial basket.

Hi, can I join please? :)

I've been posting on the other dating thread for a while, and it's nice to see some familiar faces here. For those who've not (virtually) met me, I'm a guy, mid-40's, and having the same trials and tribulations with online dating that everyone here seems to have.

Hey @TheCatWithTheHat :)

@Shayelle2009 Yes, I still have my walk planned for the weekend. Hopefully the forecast will stay nice! I'm forever going through phases of just not being into the apps and there being no one of interest. I think one restrictions start lifting there will be more of a selection on there!

It's so strange to see you all talking about enjoying the convo, I'm the opposite! I think I'm just very cynical, but until I've met them I'm not putting a huge amount of effort in to chat. I definitely wouldn't want to get into feeling friendly with them, because I would find it excruciatingly cringy when I met with them and didn't fancy them at all

Tall guy said last week he'd message me at the end of this week about plans. I've been so glad I don't have to make small talk for a week!

Hi @TheCatWithTheHat 😁👋 I always read the other dating thread so read your stories 😊 sorry to hear youre also having a crappy time of it. At least you have your cats!! My cat never fails to make me happy!

@pineappleonpizzaornot hope youre having a good call with mr homeless....

@OutingMyself its funny how we all have different preferences, I hate it if anyone suggests meeting without a good couple of weeks chat. Not because I dont want to meet them but I can sense if I will like them or not just from messaging, so don't have to go through the stress of meeting someone when there’s no click. Exciting for your date!! Im glad a few on here are having luck at the mo!! 💗💗

I feel like I can sense if I'm not going to like them after four messages tops 😁 Whether I will actually like them or not I need to speak in person for.

I've just read that awful thread about someone seeing their attacker on Tinder and it's really given me the heebie-jeebies :(

I hear you @OutingMyself, you can definitely tell after the first few messages from the general vibe but i find messaging’s good to get to know just a bit more in-depth stuff, well it just helps me anyway

Yeah i saw that.. poor lady 😞

Welcome @TheCatWithTheHat. This thread is super supportive, as I know all too well.

No updates from me I've still hidden my profile on Tinder.

Welcome @TheCatWithTheHat.
Thanks @Shayelle2009, I'm doing good too. I'm still a bit unsure but in a good place. He suggested meeting on saturday evening but I didn't commit either way and then he texted to say he was away to bed as he had got his vaccination the day before and wasnt feeling well. I haven't heard from him since and I had deleted his contact so I cant contact him. He is a nice man and we have great physical chemistry but I cant get away from thinking hes too laid back and that our energy levels wouldn't match.
I also realise in hindsight that I gave very little away and dont make it easy for him.
On another note one of my other ex irons messaged again looking to catch up....

@Shayelle2009 I'm the same I much prefer messaging to phone calls (in general too). I've been chatting to Computer Geek almost every day for 4 months now (other than his 3 week break in December). I've never chatted to anyone for that long, normally the chats go quiet after a couple of weeks. It's a shame it hasn't worked out.

Hey @Isitreally7777 are you guys still chatting? I wouldnt blame you if you were as this is a boring, lonely time and anything like that helps at the minute, the more times he lets you down the more you’ll dislike him deep down though.

Hi @LuckyLinda3 i think its a good move deleting his number, and letting it fade.. sometimes things just don't flow do they and i always think its best to leave those ones that feel difficult behind, it just wasnt meant to be, you weren’t compatible x
Good luck with the old one reappearing though, could be a good distraction

@Shayelle2009 he did ask if I wanted him to leave me alone on Sunday. I gave him the chance to explain things a bit more on Monday(he wasn't meant to have the kids but got the chance and took it). I did ask what he was looking for (as I've felt at times he just wants someone to talk to, other times it feels like he just wants sex), he admitted he isn't ready for anything serious and just wants some fun (and for me to make him smile🤨). I also asked what he did (he didn't tell me all the details but he told me some if it). You're right every time he let's me down I start to dislike him a bit more and wonder why I'm wasting my time. He just doesn't seem to realise that all he has to do is send me a text saying he has been held up and can't make it. I mean Sunday he actually messaged to ask where we were meeting a couple of hours before so it sounds like he had every intention of turning up. I just don't know anymore.

I'm considering waiting for lockdown to be eased before trying the apps again.

He’s a massive piss taker, and his life’s a mess, no wonder his ex never wants him back. Hope you're ok, summer’s coming and life’s going to be opening up again so hopefully you can leave it behind soon enough

@Shayelle2009 that made me smile. He is and yes I'm not surprised he is in this situation he has no one to blame but himself. I'm better off without him, there is someone out there I just have to find him.

@Shayelle2009 yeah I think it's easier now I've deleted his details. There seems to be a lot of men in our area who get involved for a short time and move on. I've overheard these conversations first hand.

Can I just ask if others have found that their choices/behaviours improve after a few experiences. I'm hoping I will get stronger and make better choices as time passes given I'm only separated just over a year and just recently dating again. Here's hoping!

Well, my call didnt happen, for various reasons neither of us became free last night until 9.30pm and we both decided it was too late, he assured me he really wants to talk tonight and he really interested in me and he doesnt want it to be quick "hello". However, I havent heard a thing from him today.....I think I did the over investment thing and got way too excited way too soon! Serves me right.....think I have been ghosted

That sounds strange pineapple...have you tried contacting him today?