Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

@Shayelle2009 I so admire the way you value yourself. Have you always been like that or did you do anything in particular to become like that?

@Shayelle2009 I really wish I could still use my ex as a sounding board for this (I really need to talk to him) but someone stuck her nose in over Christmas and we haven't been the same since. I think she was jealous of our relationship and also realised I had cottoned on to her sponging off my ex leaving him short of money.

I'm so glad you value yourself too, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he does come through for you.

Hi @LuckyLinda3 thank you.. no not at all its only in recent years i became like this. I had an abusive and often miserable childhood, living independently without parental support since I was 15, never thought i was anything, used to be really unhappy, in with the wrong crowd etc when i was mid 20s i decided i was sick of being miserable and everything just started changed from there. It was only in my mid 30s i found my strength within and realised all i really need is myself to be happy.... and have no time for anything that doesnt make me happier than i make myself!!!
(Haha sorry that sounds so cheesy. All true tho)

Thats a shame @Isitreally7777 but it does sound like you guys will have a lasting friendship, partners come and go dont they, those lasting relationships get through the bumpy times. How come you guys split up? (Sorry bit personal but just wondered )

@Shayelle2009 that's so impressive. Fair play to you, you absolutely deserve a good one.

Started talking to someone this morning, he 34 today! I am almost 42 - total no go! He lives in a house share too, totally puts me off, but hes a nice guy to talk to.

Do any of you find that the least they seem to have (Im not talking unempolyed and living with mummy, just not quite there yet with the whole adulting thing) the nicer they are to talk to, or is just me?? I find the ones that are all sitting in their grand houses with expensive things make me feel like I should be grateful they have taken the time to talk to me! Very confusing!

@Shayelle2009 we split for various reasons our relationship wasn't good(that's all I will say) and we had money problems. We said we would stay friends so our friends didn't have to be put in a situation where they would have to decide who to invite. It was working well until Christmas.

Heard from Computer Geek this morning, this man confuses me so much. I'm trying to not mess with his head but he seems to want to mess with his own head🤦‍♀️.

@pineappleonpizzaornot don't discount him because of his age. That's only 8 years!

Think I missed a few posts! @Shayelle2009 - Im also like you and I wont stand for the faintest whiff of bullshit from anyone now, Ive been through far too much to put up with anyone elses crap and I am quite sustainable on my own. Anyone who enters my life will have to pretty fucking exceptional now! Keep us informed if you do hear from him,and try not to overthink things (hard I know).
@Isitreally7777 - the 34 year old lasted all of 5 messages

@Shayelle2009 am impressed with your boundaries!

Hi @LuckyLinda3 thanks for your kind words x hope you still feel ok about the one thats just ended ... how are you feeling about your ex husband being all nice? Would you go back?

Hi @pineappleonpizzaornot i also wouldnt worry about the 8 yr gap, he might be mature and you sound really fun so give it a chance..?. unless youve deleted him already 😬

Thats fair enough @Isitreally7777 hopefully you guys will talk again on a level sometime in the future. What's wrong with C G today?

Thanks @Eesha its not easy in all honesty but usually in my heart I know ive done the right thing. I cant stand the ‘hanging on’ limbo feeling if nothingness and would rather just put an end to it even though its harsh.

@pineappleonpizzaornot JD lives with his family. It didn't bother me in a way.

@Shayelle2009 yeah I do feel ok about it. I did like him and we had great chemistry but I think he was just too easy going about making time for us and way too work focused. We live 30 mins from each other so I was happy with one meeting a week so I dont think I was being unreasonable. My ex had been the same...I was always last on his list so I dont want that again...from him or anyone else but I'm inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt so I think I may have more work to do on myself. I just want to feel that energy...know that someone wants to spend time with me and make time for me. That said I found myself thinking last night that my last iron would be a perfect fwb option...the chemistry was off the scale but I don't know if i could do that....

@Shayelle2009 nothing much is wrong with him, we are just having a differing of opinions today.

I hear you @LuckyLinda3 you want someone to WANT to see you and spend time with you. I completely get that

Correct @Shayelle2009 and this particular iron certainly talked the talk telling me I was like a breath of fresh air and how he'd never had a connection like it since his wife left him 8 years ago so I think that's why I was so disappointed by his lack of effort.
That said he could have been bullshitting me or I also find with old there are other options so people sometimes don't really invest that much. Either way I think I deserve more.

They certainly know to to say don’t they?? I always wonder if they actually believe themselves at the time as how can anyone bullshit so well - they all deserve Oscars lol

I do think however there ARE men out there who want to and will make the effort... its just finding one isnt it!!

@Shayelle2009 - No I havent deleted him, but his last message just "Awseome" blurgh....cant be bothered to reply to that.
Having a crappy afternoon, Ive just got my Son a card from Moonpig and put some photos on it, I had to scroll through all my photos on my phone and it was full of me and my ex on holiday, away for weekend breaks, chilling and having fun times together, I thought I had got rid of them all, obviously not , I literally had to scroll through 4 years of a relationship to find certain photos I needed for the card, at one time by looking back at these, he really really did love me, and I had someone that couldn't wait to see me and spend time with me.....I forgot about certain good times we had together, and it has all just smacked me in the face.....I really want that again!

Ahh looking at photos can really bring up the feels cant it Pineapple. I feel crap today too... sending you x

Thanks @Shayelle2009 - Im ok, and certainly dont want him back, it just makes you remember things thats all.....but then he turned into an absolute fucking cock womble narcissist prick! . I hopy are ok? Have you heard from JD?
On a brighter note I have just matched with and received a message from someone I matched with this time last year, and he basically told me to fuck off because I was too negative I wouldnt meet him for a drink 5 minutes after matching, wondering if I should remind him

Grrr it’s so exhausting wondering what a man is thinking & him in turn having all the power. I’m so over the text games. I’m on tinder & I reply immediately etc and the second I sense lack of interest (or too much interest in only getting a shag), I just politely extricate myself. I’ve been down this road before and it just led to a wrecked head.

I ask myself ‘would a guy be obsessing over this?’ or ‘would a guy spend his precious time doing this?’ And if the answer is no, I do something to stop myself ...

At least I try... I can overthink with the best of ye & I know it’s not easy

But we are worth more than this.

Let’s Kick patriarchy in the fat entitled arse!

I'm currently worrying that I've put tall guy off by not replying quickly enough 🙄 I just don't have the time or energy to devote to sitting down and replying instantly.

I think my problem is slightly the opposite, Im just not giving anyone the time of day to be honest - Ive turned into an ice queen. It shouldnt be this difficult, when I met my ex, we met on tinder and it was fireworks straight away, I feel I will never have it again .

Either I cant be arsed, or they cant be, theres no middle-ground at all with me ....maybe there is something wrong with me?? But then again, I think I went into this OLD with rose tinted glasses, they are now full of shit from shreks swamp! for you @Changeispossible

@Shayelle2009

I do think however there ARE men out there who want to and will make the effort... its just finding one isnt it!!

They arent on Tinder, POF, Match, Bumble, Facebook Dating??? Where the f**k are they????