Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

I steer clear of those ones @Angelofdeath. I don't want someone who thinks of my kids as baggage.

I also think it's a weird brag when they say 'No kids, never married' in their 40s. More of a red flag than a bonus to me. It sounds like they're scared of commitment.

Going back to your earlier point - I don't mention my kids on my profile. I'm too paranoid about paedophiles specifically seeking out single parents! I am a worrier though 😁

@Angelofdeath the no kids no baggage thing annoys me too. There must be a better way of phrasing things than this.

@Isitreally7777 couldn't you have a phone call or facetime? There's something fishy about this guy imho. You seem lovely and trusting but I think he's playing you and in turn wasting your time. I genuinely don't believe he is who you think he is.

Hey @Angelofdeath i would say if he looks nice you could chat and see if theres any click there? I think there is always going to something that isn't what you’d wish for but if you met someone and got on who knows what could happen.

Im childless and never been married (as I have been quite wild and a bit commitmentphobe 🙈) but dont say any of that until ive chatted to someone for a bit and they ask. Perhaps ive just never met the right one Id happily date a guy with kids (if hes a good dad) as it shows they care and are responsible ... dont know about the other way round though, they might not mean it as ‘baggage’ in a horrible way just that they are more available and have free time?

I kniw it must be really different for ladies with children as there are warped men out there so it is completely different and you must worry about protecting them.

@Angelofdeath it is nice just to pass the time especially when ive spent so long just looking for one i can chat to banter with and have a kind of friendship with, not really sure what im looking for as things that are full on scare the shit out of me lol... I dont know why.

@Eesha how are doing how's things with your guy?

There's nothing wrong with never having been married or having children, it's the childish wearing it as a badge of honour that creates the man-child image. Baggage is definitely meant in a negative way. There are plenty of other ways to say what they mean without using that.

I went on a bit of a weird depressed 'why does no one find me attractive?' tinder swipe spree yesterday, and now have 16 different messages 😆 I'm going to have to whittle them down.

Fair enough, probably leaving the word out altogether would be better!
Haha bless @Angelofdeath hobby of ‘books’ wonder what kind of books though! Probably not going to be Mr Excitement, but at least he has hair 😂
You just need a combo of all of these put together and you’d have your dream man 😂😂

I find it so weird that done of them suggest going for a walk with your kids there, how offputting!

Ive been single 4 1/2 years now.. I think the more time goes on and youre happy in your own company and couldnt ever imagine living with someone etc the more youre not really sure you want anything too full on. Someone to just go out for dinner with would be cool

@Angelofdeath the childish side in me would do the same but I can't be that cruel and I do want to meet him at some point (even if it is just to tell him that speaking to me whilst trying to get back with his ex really isn't the way to go about things if hr really wanted to get back with her).

@Eesha I get where you are coming from, I'm thinking of suggesting a call next week.

@Angelofdeath my ex only really saw the children every week for a couple of hours during the week. He's an alcoholic so I never really trusted him to have them overnight so it's my control issue too. Now if I met anyone else, they would have to understand these time restraints although I have family who can help me if I'm out.

@Shayelle2009 Mr Yoga got in touch last Friday about something else unrelated and I took the opportunity to ask him about us. I gave him a way out in the sense if his feelings had changed etc. What came out was what I had thought, that he was really struggling with his autism and that it wasn't that his feelings had changed, more that this has taken over. We messaged pretty regularly till last Tuesday and he shared a lot about his whole family having autism etc or married to someone with it, that he struggled with mini breakdowns in the past (sometimes lasting months). All in all, it felt like a lot to take on. Had he been professing his love to me, I might have thought differently but actually he had always said he was emotionally unavailable anyway. It's a bitter pill to swallow as actually I was so happy with him but I guess you need to see the whole picture of a person. At this point, I'm looking for someone who can see me as a priority in their life. In a silly way, I saw Valentine's as a line in the sand for me.

I matched with a few on tinder but suspected married so deleted. Have okcupid too but it just ocurred to me that I had answered loads of the sex questions for a laugh in the past, which means I'm matching with similar. To be honest, my heart isn't really in it as I'm not sure I'll meet someone I like as much but it's a distraction.

@Angelofdeath thats so bizarre isnt it! Nice i guess if you were just looking for a friend, but its not really romantic is it 😅

Im sorry @Eesha how everything’s changed and whats going on with him... it hurts a lot when you keep thinking his things were, then suddenly its all gone 😔 you deserve better

I deleted tinder again as back in touch with mr jd and that suits me for now!

Thanks Angel its just something, hard to find anyone decent isnt it and i know he is so feels like safe ground!

Great topic

I hear you on this. I'm a lone parent, my daughters father doesn't see her at all, so spare time for dating is a big issue for me as well. I sometimes wonder why I am bothering with it at all. If it comes to meeting up with someone, I could try to get family to help occasionally. I am thinking of getting an aupair to give myself more flexibility. Just hoping if I meet someone that they would understand that my time to myself is so limited

Long term reader/lurker on this thread, have posted a couple of times under my myriad of name changes, anyway, I thought I would share what I hope is a glimmer of hope...

Split with DS Dad nearly 5 years ago. Been single since then. I have downloaded Tinder and Bumble so many times during that period, sometimes just deleted within a few days as was so depressing, other times met up for a couple of dates but very meh! Felt destined to be single forever. Anyway, November last year downloaded again and up popped hundreds of the same old faces (and they no doubt think same about me... eeek!!), but noticed one man who caught my eye, unusual profession and name so meant I was able to check him out and verify him before talking to him. We have the same professional qualification and work within the same field so had some common contacts. We met up for various bloody freezing walks, and post Christmas decided to 'bubble up'.... and I'm loving it!

We are similar in that we are very independant, have busy lives and I still have child at home. We both not wanting to rush anything but just enjoying our down time together and its so bloody lovely. Do I think he's my mr forever.... doubt it, as I can't imagine that with anyone.... but is he making me happy and my Mr Right Now... absolutely. Oh and he is massive (you know....). After 5 year celibacy I got new lease of life...

I'm under no illusions... it may all fizzle out but it has been so nice to meet someone that is intelligent, hot and a have a strong connection with, never thought it would happen again. Don't give up!

@Swears do you mind me asking what general age you are...I'm 45 and I really do think its going to be very difficult for me at this age..

@Swears aw that's lovely! Good for you! Did you fancy him straight away?

I've got one chat ambling along very slowly. He's still not asked any questions really. I don't get it 🙄

@Swears how lovely!!
@Shayelle2009 I'll update on mine later 🤪