Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

I just ask 😂 I'm on bumble.

So i just had a nosey on the dating sites and all that went through my mind is I can't do this because I'm scared of getting hurt. This is a terrible attitude! I'm not sure how to get over it.

@Eesha I had a look tonight too, just to see and I didn't fancy anyone!!
It's made me panic and feel sick quite honestly

And also yes to the getting hurt, putting yourself out there only to get too invested, think you have something and someone only to get hurt over and over is horrible

@Clovertoast I'm not really swiping or updating pictures as I'm still feeling sad about Mr Yoga and I don't think it would be fair to anyone else I meet now. But on top of that, I just feel scared I'll get ghosted again.

So much to catch up on!
@Eesha it’s horrible when you have been let down so badly. You could take a break for a while to let yourself get over mr yoga? It was a long time after all?

@Angelofdeath your description of mr what you up to really made me laugh. Have you not tried tinder yet? You might be more likely to find someone willing to meet?

@Confusedandfeelingabitstupid he’s certainly saying one thing and doing another in regards to her. I think I’d have to ask him about it or it would be nagging away at the back of my head.

@pineappleonpizzaornot love your update, feeling settled, having fun with your kids and a great big confidence boost to boot, I’m glad things are going well 😊

@Shayelle2009, I can’t scroll back far enough on my phone to what you said about me not turning psycho because he doesn’t seem to be playing games but sounds right. I hope I keep feeling that way because the messages are getting less and no goodnight message tonight. That’s normal right? 🙈😂

He sent me a long audio text yesterday, he has a brilliant Northern accent and I love hearing his voice, he knows this and sent me unprompted a little summary of our time together so far and how it makes him feel. It was really sweet so I called him to tell him Id like some distance, he looked totally crestfallen and although I wasnt going to ask, I think writing it here prompted me to just ask about the fwb situation, so I did. He had noticed something was wrong during the day as we have been texting a lot more and yesterday I kept my distance. He broke down in tears, apologies, apparently he just likes lots of pics on facebook without any ulterior motives. He offered me his phone to check messages (I declined). Unless he is the best actor Ive ever seen and a master player I believe him. He is ex military, but a very funny guy with lots of female and male friends judging from social media and the pics in his house. Lots of pictures of him and his siblings online too. I know you can never really know someone but he just gives me a bit of a smitten, yet sound and "healthy" kind of vibe and it my thoughts as to why he would be liking his former fwb's pics just didnt make sense. I think it does now. Im still smitten but will conciously now take things slowly, just incase.

@Eesha and @Clovertoast... i think you have to be in a strong mindframe to go on old because there is such a lot of bad behaviour. If you're hurting or bruised by someone i think its going to very natural that you feel apprehensive about it. Is there no more words from your guys?

@Angelofdeath I know what you mean about the security blanket. Ive gone back on tinder and deleted everything else but its the same old faces.. haha i feel like im familiar ground 😂😂 got a few matches but I know it’ll be the ones im not really bothered about messaging and silience from the others 🙄
Oh well, passes the time of day

@Shayelle2009 nothing since Saturday where I'd reached out to him. We had a text exchange and I then suggested a call. He said yes but seemed a bit evasive. I should have left it but when I tried later, the phone was off. Haven't heard a peep since. So essentially we have had a couple of texts each week for 2 weeks now, no real instigating by him. He's said he is struggling with his autism and also there are some lease issues where he has to deal with his ex which I know he really didn't want to do.

I guess for me, it's the silence really. It feels like I've been ghosted even though he explained it was his stuff and that he needed to hide away. So I'm scared to go online, firstly because I'm still emotionally involved in this situation and secondly, what if there's another 7 blissful months with someone else and they ghost me too?

Hard isn't it @Eesha...do you think you will reach out again? He deserves a good telling off really.

I'm also scared of going back on the apps..I just can't seem to do it for more than 20 mins without deleting it.

Not sure how to get over it really!

@bangheadhere40 no im definitely not reaching out again. If I felt inclined to, I just keep in mind me calling on Saturday when his phone was turned off. I felt a right clingy Muppet when all I was doing was calling up my boyfriend. Never again. I'm assuming I've been ghosted, and Valentine's will be a great point in the sand.

I'm sorry, I don't know the ins and outs of your story but if I were single, I would be maybe testing the water out on various sites. It's hard when you've been stung badly. TBH I don't even see my family let alone dating so I could only realistically start looking after lockdown. My ex fwb has been professing love for a long time now but I can't face going back there either.

@Eesha fwb sounds a bit complicated if he is professing is love, otherwise I’d be going back there on a fwb basis to try to get myself over mr yoga.

@onemorerose we had a lot of fun before and he gave me a lot of confidence. He now says he has always loved me. All he offers is sex which is fine but I feel so sad that the thought doesn't make me happy.

I've blocked the weird American. It was getting stranger by the moment. He wanted to commission a painting of me and was still insistent about his car.

When I said no I'm not handing details he turned nasty and saying I was rude not loving blah blah blah. So back to square one.

This is so bloody difficult

Eesha I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time.

My new iron phoned me today for a chat. Our meeting on Sunday may have to be delayed as the weather forecast is awful. He was friendly, a bit rough at the edges maybe, I'll need to meet him to make my mind up. I'm not sure if I'm setting my standards too low, pretty much just been looking for someone who isn't bald 🤭 Not that much choice!

Hey all. So I had a surprise today. A male friend mine at work video called me and for the second time in the last couple of months was showering me with compliments, telling me what a catch Id be for any man in amongst a nice general chatty catch up. He did the same thing before Christmas.
Can’t work out if he's just being kind and friendly?? Or maybe feels pity any opinions??

@Eesha was just thinking he’d be an easy distraction rather than wading through shreks swamp as it’s been aptly described 😂 Sorry you are feeling low, we all know those feelings don’t last forever and I hope you feel better soon!

@TwoHoots74 good call, god knows what his game was?

@Zoomme that’s a pity about the weather, it’s so crap having no other options for dates. Will you wait til the day and see what it’s actually like? It’s nice that he called you. I set my expectations low as well, turns up to date, still in touch after and I’m attracted to them pretty much does it lol.

@Shayelle2009 that was a nice wee confidence boost. Assuming he’s not gay or in a relationship what kind of vibes do you get off him? Is he flirty at all? What brought the comments on?

@onemorerose yes we're going to talk on Sunday morning, see what the weather's like. I'll see what he's like in person, not sure about him at the moment. I set the distance further and searched again tonight, there were some attractive men, but realistically is 60 - 70 miles away too far? Nearby there don't seem to be any attractive men 😭

So I was slightly fed up yesterday, Computer Geek messaged on Monday saying he wanted to see me and asked when I was free this week (he was going to confirm the day on Tuesday as I said I could work around his childcare commitments). I asked him for another photo(he asked me for one first), he said he wasn't sure what he had so I said he could always take one, he said he could and then sent me one he had already sent last week. Then yesterday I sent him a message saying I don't know whether it is because he isn't who he says he is or whether he is playing me that he keeps cancelling but every time he does I think why do I bother and each time it hurts a little. I'm looking forward to his reply!

I've not heard from him since Monday night and he hasn't read any of my messages, he said to me last week he had a very important week in his life this week(surely he could spare 5 minutes to confirm a day though). But all this is leading me to believe he isn't actually telling me the truth (I know others on here have been saying that all along) but I must say if he isn't his story is brilliant.

Thanks @onemorerose.. Hes definitely not gay and is def single. We’ve known each other about 3-4 years. I think there’s always been a small something there but in the last few months he's being very open about what he thinks about me, openly listing all the qualities he likes about me and saying what an amazing girlfriend or wife ill make someone if he ‘was lucky enough to meet someone like me’.... he then rung me again in the evening about a minor thing (not work related). Im just confused as to where this is coming from and if hes just being innocently sweet like a friend and giving me a confidence boost!! Im completely blind when it comes to my own stuff like this!! Hes made me promise to call him next time as its always been him contacting me over lockdown so I've said i will.
Hows it going with yours are you still feeling calm and chilled? Hope so