Ive got the icks!

[000Dandelion000]

I feel like a monster writing this. I dont want to diminish or try demeaning my OH. I just want advice on how to approach feelings/discussing this issue.

My OH repulses me, his dirty habits, laziness and constant sex fuelled remarks. I wake up feeling repulsed by the thought of him and we dont even share a bed. I see him asleep on settee and it boils my blood. Im at the point of resentment, cant bend over or lean in cupboard without gropping or sexual remarks. He hugs and kisses me i feel so turned off. Just want him to get off me. I dont want foreplay i want sex to be over quick. I just dont know why i feel obligated to have sex when i dont want it. I wanted off the pill because i didnt want sex and to see if hormones are the cause. But he suggested pulling out or other sexual things thats a no go for me. So i went back on the pill as pull out isnt guarenteed and the fact he kept asking. I never used to feel like this i enjoyed his company, the intimacy. We used to have sex everyday but now about 3 times per week. I know i could happily go without.
I have a good routine up by 7. Showered dressed sort house/go to work etc. But he can go literally weeks without showering or changing clothes and setee bedding. Makes me feel sick the smell of the room. And when i see him asleep still at 2 or 3pm angers me. Hes an all evening/night gamer, the lack of routine, motivation and poor hygiene infuritates me. I have dropped subtle hints like shall i get towels ready. Or ask him to wash bedding. I get fed up im not his mother. At the same time i dont want to belittle or be nasty to him. I dont know how to word it without it coming across like that.

Thanks to all for reading. Any suggestions?

Well done for making this decision OP. Get him packed and straight out.

You are doing the right thing 100%!

You sound lovely and deserve so much better. He's a grown man, it's up to him to find himself somewhere to go. Don't get drawn into problem solving for him.

Get him packed and out.

Accepting that level of behaviour can't be good for your MH.

I think the Freedom programme online would be a great idea for you to help you with boundaries.

You deserve 10000 times more than what this “man” can give you. Blech

I’m amazed you can have sex with him 3 times a week when he hasn’t showered - not even in between all the other sex. That’s actually stomach churning. He must be absolutely rank. Just think how lovely your place will smell without him.

Is this a real post? How is it possible for you to have sex with someone who hasn't showered for that long. You're putting yourself at risk of catching a nasty infection.

@Wiredforsound

I’m amazed you can have sex with him 3 times a week when he hasn’t showered - not even in between all the other sex. That’s actually stomach churning. He must be absolutely rank. Just think how lovely your place will smell without him.

I agree.

I wouldn't share a cup.with someone so filthy 🤢

You're making the right decisionn, good luck. Please let us know how it goes. xxxxx

It's surprising you even put up with it. What are you getting out of this relationship OP? What value does this man add to your life? Are you married?
If your female friend told you all that about her partner, what advise would you give?

Don’t ask, TELL. It’s your house, remove the literal filthy scum from it, don’t listen to any noise it makes, call the police if it gets angry or refuses. Never tolerate being treated like that again. Jfc.

[quote 000Dandelion000]@PinkNails1 he wasnt like this at the start. He had a job then was made redundant about 3 years ago[/quote]
He hasn’t had a job in 3 years?? He’s beyond lazy. He’s unhygienic too. You need to gain some self-respect and find a boyfriend who, at the very least, actually bathes everyday. Your expectations are far too low.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. We all get into bad habits sometimes if feeling low, but he just needs to go. This is not fair on you.

Would you want him to stay if he totally overhauled his lifestyle or has it gone too far now?
If you love him but hate his slobbish ness then give him an ultimatum to shape up or ship out but if you can't stand the sight of him any more, get rid!

@000Dandelion000

How's things going?

Omg this was my ex husband and exactly why I left him 5 years ago. We were together 20 years and he was exactly like your OH! In the end I hated him, he just made me feel physically repulsed anytime he came near me. The lack of washing was a massive thing, I spent the last 3 years of our relationship sleeping in the sofa because of it. He had other major problems too, very controlling and EA. Leaving him was the best thing I've ever done.

has he always been like this? not showering and not taking care of your environment can be symptomatic of depression, probably not helped by his sleep schedule :/

of course this doesn’t mean you should stay with him though, you need to prioritise your needs and desires!

Just thought I’d throw that out there in case you do want to stay with him and potentially want to see if he needs professional help.

(Alternatively he is just lazy and there’s no saving it lol)

Honesty is the best policy. So i told him how i feel and that he needs to sort himself out. Otherwise i cant go on like this it wouldnt be fair on either of us. And of course what i feared was right. He said im a bully, ive chipped at his self worth, how dare i said such horrible things about someone im meant to love. Im just like his childhood bullies. Im not supportive. I didnt argue back i just felt like an absolute bitch. I went out for a little while. When i came back i made a drink and heard him on phone to someone that i was mentally abusive to him? Wtf?? I dont have the guts to confront him about what i heard. As of now we are just staying out eachothers way. Im so confused

Oooooof he’s a sly one. This way it’s turns it around so that you’re the bitch and he’s just a super nice stinky guy.
Fuck that. It’s your house!! (Unless I’ve read wrong).
If you’re such a shit then why is he with you?

Look up DARVO - it is exactly what he has done.

If you are so abusive he should be thrilled you've ended it!!

Well done for saying what you've said.

As pp said, if you're so abusive, he should be raring to leave now.

It's your flat anyway, is that right? If so, he should leave now. You shouldn't be staying our of each other's way, he shouldn't be there.

The place is in my name. I feel like getting all his crap together and throwing them out the door. He did ask earlier am i out of my mood yet. He loves me despite what i said that we should carry on. I ignored him when really my mind was telling him to fuck off ive never swore at him but i was so desperate to

Tell him he's got 48 hours to leave.

@RandomMess

If you are so abusive he should be thrilled you've ended it!!

This!!

He is disgusting. And of course he won't leave, why would he?

Do not EVER have sex with him again. He can't even be bothered to go to the bare minimum of basic hygiene but expects you to want to find him attractive enough to fuck? I feel sick at the thought!

I'd say change the locks but he clearly doesn't leave the house to facilitate this. Tell him again to leave. Tell him, don't ask him.

Life is too short to shackle yourself to this dirty, lazy cocklodger.

Doesn't shower for 3 weeks yet expects sex? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Doesn't work and games all night? Why would you want to stay with such a man hold?

Pull up your big girl pants. Pack his bags and tell him to move out. He can go and stay with his friends.

It is as easy as that. You've given him chances, you've asked him to clean himself up. If he really loved you and respected you he'd sort himself out. He's shown you how much he is prepared to do (not a lot).

Don't make any more excuses. You'll feel a million tomes better when you get rid.