Ive got the icks!

[000Dandelion000]

I feel like a monster writing this. I dont want to diminish or try demeaning my OH. I just want advice on how to approach feelings/discussing this issue.

My OH repulses me, his dirty habits, laziness and constant sex fuelled remarks. I wake up feeling repulsed by the thought of him and we dont even share a bed. I see him asleep on settee and it boils my blood. Im at the point of resentment, cant bend over or lean in cupboard without gropping or sexual remarks. He hugs and kisses me i feel so turned off. Just want him to get off me. I dont want foreplay i want sex to be over quick. I just dont know why i feel obligated to have sex when i dont want it. I wanted off the pill because i didnt want sex and to see if hormones are the cause. But he suggested pulling out or other sexual things thats a no go for me. So i went back on the pill as pull out isnt guarenteed and the fact he kept asking. I never used to feel like this i enjoyed his company, the intimacy. We used to have sex everyday but now about 3 times per week. I know i could happily go without.
I have a good routine up by 7. Showered dressed sort house/go to work etc. But he can go literally weeks without showering or changing clothes and setee bedding. Makes me feel sick the smell of the room. And when i see him asleep still at 2 or 3pm angers me. Hes an all evening/night gamer, the lack of routine, motivation and poor hygiene infuritates me. I have dropped subtle hints like shall i get towels ready. Or ask him to wash bedding. I get fed up im not his mother. At the same time i dont want to belittle or be nasty to him. I dont know how to word it without it coming across like that.

Thanks to all for reading. Any suggestions?

[HerMammy]

@PinkNails1
Probably unemployed because he's a dirty lazy arsehole or better yet he has OP providing EVERYTHING and doesn't even need to wash!!

[000Dandelion000]

@thequeenoftarts thinking of it i realise i dont have any male friends dont reqlly have a lot of friends just work friends. And a times if i denied sex he can get stroppy or has a few times accused me of cheating on him but he said sorry

[Yousexybugger]

Oh OP, you have your flat, your job, maybe not loads of money at the minute but enough. You don't need him. He disrespects you, your flat and your normal human reactions of feeling revulsion at someone who stinks. It isn't your problem he has nowhere else to go. A grown man should not be reliant upon you. This is far beyond the ick. What good does he actually bring to your life apart from just being company? I would be getting shut, personally.

[000Dandelion000]

@PinkNails1 he wasnt like this at the start. He had a job then was made redundant about 3 years ago

[clpsmum]

Get rid. He'll need to find somewhere to go, his problem not yours

[thequeenoftarts]

[quote 000Dandelion000]@thequeenoftarts thinking of it i realise i dont have any male friends dont reqlly have a lot of friends just work friends. And a times if i denied sex he can get stroppy or has a few times accused me of cheating on him but he said sorry[/quote]
Yeah they are always sorry til the next time. You get your ducks in a row, and when you are ready, you will find the strength to leave him. I doubt you can save things, once you feel that way you cant reverse those feelings.

You deserve better than this half life he is offering you xxxx

[Yousexybugger]

Oh and I tried to make it work once with a man whose dress and hygiene were disgusting because I thought he cared, he was quite intelligent and successful. I was quite low at the time and probably thought I didnt deserve someone who showed me the courtesy of being clean. He simply refused to sort himself out and I got more and more repulsed whenever he showed up reeking. You definitely do deserve that courtesy.

[Edgeoftheledge]

I take it he doesn't work?

[grapewine]

Oh my god. That's so horrible.

Look at it this way: he lacks basic respect for you. You're literally there for his sexual gratification at this point, in between games and sleeping. There's no way he doesn't realise you don't want sex. But he doesn't care. And he doesn't even wash - despite you asking.

Is that enough perspective to get him out of your house? Think about it and find your anger.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Why doesn't he sleep upstairs?

Regardless, Break up with him.
You can't afford the place alone and he has no where to go so that's fine, carry on letting him sleep there. But her Laura on finger on you, he goes and you'll find the money somehow.

I'm assuming the reeky living room is fairly inhospitable? Do you need to go in it at all? Could it be his space short term, share kitchen and you have the bedroom?

Have you checked if you'd be entitled to tax credits etc of he wants there? Which might make it affordable to get rid completely

[nevernotstruggling]

Please ask him to leave. Check your entitlement to housing benefit and or working tax credit..

[000Dandelion000]

Seeing all the comments i feel disgusted in myself. I dont understand why or how ive put up with this for so long

[bluelemming]

What has happened in your life OP to make you think this is all you deserve?

[thequeenoftarts]

@000Dandelion000

Seeing all the comments i feel disgusted in myself. I dont understand why or how ive put up with this for so long

Don't worry about the past, think about your future

[000Dandelion000]

I just mask the smell in the living room with plug ins and i clean it everyday while he sleeps then ill watch tv til he wakes up if im not at work then ill busy myself with something else while he games

[000Dandelion000]

@bluelemming i really dont know. As stupid as it sounds i just want to cry about it

[SleepingStandingUp]

@000Dandelion000

Seeing all the comments i feel disgusted in myself. I dont understand why or how ive put up with this for so long

Please tell him no the next time he appears with his under the tap rinsed penis. He knows / doesn't care enough to notice that you aren't interested. Even if you can't do anything further right now, stop him using you as a fucking hole.

[grapewine]

@000Dandelion000

Seeing all the comments i feel disgusted in myself. I dont understand why or how ive put up with this for so long

Boiling frog syndrome, OP. But it's not too late to choose differently for yourself. You deserve more than this.

Good luck.

[Viviennemary]

I'm all for making a go of it and trying to improve things. But here there's only one answer. Leave.

[bluelemming]

[quote 000Dandelion000]@bluelemming i really dont know. As stupid as it sounds i just want to cry about it[/quote]
A better life awaits you OP. It really does. But you have to put the wheels in motion to make it happen. And you start doing that by knowing - absolutely knowing - you were born for better things than this.

[000Dandelion000]

So im going to bite the bullet rather than expecting change that may/may not happen. Ill go to work tomorrow then when im back i will ask him to leave. I am worth more than this shit

[Robbybobtail]

Wow, I can’t believe your having sex 3 times a week with a man who doesn’t wash! Bleurgh!

You don’t owe him sex. I’ve not rtft yet but I don t think I could live with someone who didn’t wash, never mind all the other stuff!

[katy1213]

You don't need to diminish him - he's gross.
But why are you diminishing yourself by staying with him? Don't you have family and friends who say, 'Yeeuggh, look what she's married to (or living with, whatever)?" It does reflect badly on you that you tolerate him!

[SleepingStandingUp]

@000Dandelion000

So im going to bite the bullet rather than expecting change that may/may not happen. Ill go to work tomorrow then when im back i will ask him to leave. I am worth more than this shit

Yes you bloody well are