Ive got the icks!

[000Dandelion000]

I feel like a monster writing this. I dont want to diminish or try demeaning my OH. I just want advice on how to approach feelings/discussing this issue.

My OH repulses me, his dirty habits, laziness and constant sex fuelled remarks. I wake up feeling repulsed by the thought of him and we dont even share a bed. I see him asleep on settee and it boils my blood. Im at the point of resentment, cant bend over or lean in cupboard without gropping or sexual remarks. He hugs and kisses me i feel so turned off. Just want him to get off me. I dont want foreplay i want sex to be over quick. I just dont know why i feel obligated to have sex when i dont want it. I wanted off the pill because i didnt want sex and to see if hormones are the cause. But he suggested pulling out or other sexual things thats a no go for me. So i went back on the pill as pull out isnt guarenteed and the fact he kept asking. I never used to feel like this i enjoyed his company, the intimacy. We used to have sex everyday but now about 3 times per week. I know i could happily go without.
I have a good routine up by 7. Showered dressed sort house/go to work etc. But he can go literally weeks without showering or changing clothes and setee bedding. Makes me feel sick the smell of the room. And when i see him asleep still at 2 or 3pm angers me. Hes an all evening/night gamer, the lack of routine, motivation and poor hygiene infuritates me. I have dropped subtle hints like shall i get towels ready. Or ask him to wash bedding. I get fed up im not his mother. At the same time i dont want to belittle or be nasty to him. I dont know how to word it without it coming across like that.

Thanks to all for reading. Any suggestions?

[YepCuntyIsTaken]

Yes you are worth more OP - you desert so much more than this horrible situation. You're going to feel so much better once he's gone. Best of luck with getting rid.

[katy1213]

Be tough. If he has nowhere to go, it's not your problem.

[Lalliella]

Oh OP you have been ground down by your situation and lost touch of the reality of what is a normal relationship. He doesn’t make you happy, so he needs to go. He repulses you, so you need to stop having sex with him out of some mid-placed duty you feel towards him. Please believe in yourself more and recognise that you deserve to be treated so much better than this. Get yourself a new life, away from this creep.

[WingingItAtLife]

@000Dandelion000

Some of this is similar to my ex. I stayed with him for 14 years and have two kids with him so am stuck with him being in my life to a degree, forever.
My ex wasn't as lazy, but his hygiene was awful!! Being sat in the car next to him sometimes, I could smell his rank breath!! He'd shower maybe once a week... Twice a week occasionally. And complain that we didn't have sex enough..... Then when I explained he hadn't showered he'd get annoyed at me and say I was wrong! He also 'questioned' not wanting sex or to cuddle up with him and was adamant that there must have been someone else involved..... There never was, I was just sick of feeling like I had a teenager, not a grown up.

Eventually things got so bad.... He was adamant there was someone else so he started to record me when he left the house 😔 and he'd stand outside the bedroom door while I slept, trying to catch me up to something. It was awful. Even then, I didn't leave so I can 100% see why you're in this situation..... It doesn't happen all of a sudden, it's gradual until you realise it's got so bad.
I felt, still do feel, ashamed I put up with it for so long. Why the hell did I feel embarrassed that he didn't shower/ brush his teeth?!

I left in November. It's not been easy as we have to be in touch because of the kids but I feel so much better in myself!! Even with all his mind games still going on. I feel stronger and happier just being away from him.
I'm here if you want to message me at any point x

[Wheresmykimchi]

This isnt the ick - he's rank.

[Newfor2021]

If you think the old DH is salvageable and you want to try I would say:
DH I understand you might be depressed but for 3 years now this has been getting worse.
I can’t continue to live with you like this.
This is make or break.
Either you start washing daily, sleeping regular hours, limit gaming, provide an income (etc whatever your boundaries are whilst still allowing him to be free to do what he wishes as we can’t control others) or we are breaking up.
This is on a trial basis.
Please decide whether to give this a go, I will support and help you etc.

perhaps suggest a deep clean this weekend?

[goldielockdown2]

'Subtle hints'?! He needs showing the door and then escorting out of it the filthy waster.

[Newfor2021]

Well done for leaving @WingingItAtLife! Stay strong :)

[WingingItAtLife]

@Newfor2021

Thank you!
It's been difficult but I've eventually realised my worth, and that I had no respect or love for him left. Best decision I've made in years x

[NoProblem123]

This doesn’t sound like the ick to me, it’s outright repulsion and I really can’t blame you.

Throw him out and get rid of the stinky settee which you’re at it.

[WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]

Good luck OP, this isn't how you want your life to be. It can be scary ending things with men like this, he sounds like he can be aggressive when not getting his way. Do ask for help if you need it, you might need a plan to keep yourself safe. He's not going to give this up easy, he's got it far too good with you.

[AnitaB888]

OP,
May I suggest you get some on-line advice from Citizen's Advice Bureau as to how you stand financially/legally etc?

Hasn't he got a friend/relative he can move in with temporarily?

[Apileofballyhoo]

Good luck tomorrow, OP. Your flat is going to be so much nicer to relax in when you can clean it properly.

[Newfor2021]

[quote WingingItAtLife]@Newfor2021

Thank you!
It's been difficult but I've eventually realised my worth, and that I had no respect or love for him left. Best decision I've made in years x[/quote]
That’s brilliant to hear @WingingItAtLife!

I hope you and OP both find happiness and freedom this year

[squishee]

Ugh. Give him an ultimatum. He shapes up by x date or he ships out. Which he should do regardless as you deserve far better. Why live this way at all?

[squishee]

Sorry just read the update. Well done.

[Floydian]

Good luck today and well done. A new life awaits.

[theantsgomarchin]

He goes weeks without showing or changing clothes? Surely this has got to be a wind up

[Nicolastuffedone]

Eeewww........I can smell him from here

[Blueskytoday06]

🤮🤮🤮

[lollipoprainbow]

I've got the Icks just reading this ! Put me right off my breakfast !

[crystalize]

I doubt he will just go by you asking him. You don't ASK him, you TELL him to get out of YOUR flat! Ask yourself why is your bar set so low that you tolerate a filthy, lazy, disgusting sex pest? Even after one day of not showering I wouldn't let a partner near me. You are not obliged to have sex with him.

I hope you can work on your self-esteem and know you absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this. It is not your problem where he goes, he is an adult. Get him out of there asap.

[harknesswitch]

That isn't the ick, that's living with a disgusting man child, who has no personal care, is lazy and is a sex pest

[StarsonaString]

Good luck OP. Just think how clean, fresh, lovely and quiet your home will be without him.

[Bananalanacake]

And when he is gone you can claim the council tax single person discount.