Ive got the icks!

[000Dandelion000]

I feel like a monster writing this. I dont want to diminish or try demeaning my OH. I just want advice on how to approach feelings/discussing this issue.

My OH repulses me, his dirty habits, laziness and constant sex fuelled remarks. I wake up feeling repulsed by the thought of him and we dont even share a bed. I see him asleep on settee and it boils my blood. Im at the point of resentment, cant bend over or lean in cupboard without gropping or sexual remarks. He hugs and kisses me i feel so turned off. Just want him to get off me. I dont want foreplay i want sex to be over quick. I just dont know why i feel obligated to have sex when i dont want it. I wanted off the pill because i didnt want sex and to see if hormones are the cause. But he suggested pulling out or other sexual things thats a no go for me. So i went back on the pill as pull out isnt guarenteed and the fact he kept asking. I never used to feel like this i enjoyed his company, the intimacy. We used to have sex everyday but now about 3 times per week. I know i could happily go without.
I have a good routine up by 7. Showered dressed sort house/go to work etc. But he can go literally weeks without showering or changing clothes and setee bedding. Makes me feel sick the smell of the room. And when i see him asleep still at 2 or 3pm angers me. Hes an all evening/night gamer, the lack of routine, motivation and poor hygiene infuritates me. I have dropped subtle hints like shall i get towels ready. Or ask him to wash bedding. I get fed up im not his mother. At the same time i dont want to belittle or be nasty to him. I dont know how to word it without it coming across like that.

Thanks to all for reading. Any suggestions?

[Closetbeanmuncher]

I wouldn't be letting that rancid unwashed shrimp anywhere near my lady garden.

You shouldn't have to force a grown man into maintaining normal personal hygiene.

🤢🤢

[AlCalavicci]

You are so far past ikc that it is a spot on the horizon in the rear view mirror !

The no showering , not changing clothes , not getting up is slob like and disgusting.
But the lewd remarks , and unwanted groping would earn him very short shrift from me .
You say it is your place , if you think a threat will really change him tell him to shape himself within a week ( and not revert back ) or he is getting the boot , be firm if he has not changed a lot after a week pack his stuff and chuck him out and change the locks

[Rainbowsoup]

He sounds absolutely grim. Why on earth are you with him?! Not even a financial benefit.

Get rid x10000000!

[YouKnowItsTrue]

Is this a joke? I can’t imagine anyone is going to say anything other than leave the skanky bastard.

[SeraphinaDombegh]

Seriously OP, if he's not showering for weeks, you should absolutely be refusing to let his grim, manky penis anywhere NEAR any part of your body. It's a health hazard 🤮 give him it straight - "I don't find you at all attractive when you're unwashed. Shape up or it's over." Mean it. Then follow through.

[thequeenoftarts]

My ex didn't bother to shower or even wash his pits n bits, nor did he brush his teeth for weeks on end. He would not get his hair cut or make an effort to wear clean clothes but expected my fanny to flower open when he wanted a shag. He also groped me relentlessly, you'd go in for a kiss and you would get mauled..It is the most horrendous turn off I can ever describe, hence he became my ex. I became pg on one of my children after he pestered me for sex knowing I was taking an antibiotic and sure as hell I became pg, he refused to acknowledge me or my pregnancy for 3 months. He broke me mentally.

He never made any effort, no dates, no flowers, no nice gestures. I refused him sex one morning and he huffed off downstairs, I pleasured myself, as it was more blooming satisfying, he came storming in , caught me and dragged the bedclothes off me in a way designed to humiliate me. It worked. I was turned off sex for a good 10 years. Eventually left him and filed for divorce after he came home with crabs. I didn't mind the fact he was shagging elsewhere, I was delighted but it was over in my head 10 years previously and I knew I had to go.......... So I did.It wasn't easy, I will never forgot those nightmare days but my god I am glad I did . Hugs to you, I understand how hard it is, but do it for your self esteem if nothing else xx

[Melange99]

@LauEli
From your op I think it's pretty clear your head is out the door...

Yes, it is I would imagine, to get some air.

I just could not share space with him, let alone my body.

[Albgo]

Are you honestly having regular sex with a man who doesn't clean himself for weeks?
If nothing else, please stop this. That can't be pleasant or healthy for your vagina.

[billy1966]

OP,
He sounds utterly repulsive.

A flithy groper.

Accept it.
Can you afford some online counselling to explore why you would put up with someone so utterly disgusting?

There must be something going on with you thatbyou would have sex 3 times a week with a man that doesn't shower..🤢

You sound so normal and healthy yet you have somehow ended up with a filthy, unhygienic, gamer, who sleeps on the sofa.

What is it with MN and men sleepingbonnthe sofa...Ive never heard of it.

He's clearly happy in his filth..leave him to t.

Focus your energies on getting the hell away from him and his ghastliness.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Stop with the hints

"I cant live like this. You want sex but you dont wash for weeks, you smell revolting and I dont want to be near you. You need to wash daily, shower at least every other day and change your bedding weekly. That is the minimum. Then you need to step up and work. I am not carrying us anymore. You contribute equally or leave"

He gets the hints but is ignoring them because you are still giving him what he wants.

[PersonaNonGarter]

Just change the locks. You are done here.

[Purplewithred]

What exactly is the point of having him with you at all? He is a dirty old man, cluttering up and stinking up your house, and not even paying his way. You dont like him and cant respect him.

He’s somewhere between cuckoo-ing you and sofa surfing. He can do that somewhere else to someone else.

That, or he transforms himself back into the person you fell in love with (assuming you did).

[thequeenoftarts]

@PyongyangKipperbang

Stop with the hints

"I cant live like this. You want sex but you dont wash for weeks, you smell revolting and I dont want to be near you. You need to wash daily, shower at least every other day and change your bedding weekly. That is the minimum. Then you need to step up and work. I am not carrying us anymore. You contribute equally or leave"

He gets the hints but is ignoring them because you are still giving him what he wants.

Exactly, I had to be really direct and cruel to get my point across, but when you are ground down its not that easy. I used to pray every time he was home late from work that he was dead ( other mental cruelty and nastiness going on and no way of leaving). No family back up as he had alienated me from them, and no money either to go......Threatening to keep my kids etc. It took me to find my inner anger to get nasty and mean but it took a long time.

You will go when you are ready, or kick him out, but in the meantime you don't have to have sex with him, no one can force you if you don't want to, and if he does its rape and you have a quick way out after you call the police..

[000Dandelion000]

This isnt a joke unfortunately. Feels like a nightmare at times. When we do have sex i ask him to wash by this he thinks i mean genitals only. Of course not i meant clean your whole body but i literally just want it over. I really dont know why im with such a putrid person. Maybe i do need to talk to a therapist.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

@thequeenoftarts

True, easy to say now I have escaped.

But you know its bad when you almost wish that they would beat you or rape you so you have a "socially acceptable" reason to leave. Just look on Relationships now, there are woman asking if their reason is "enough" to leave, when actually just not wanting to be with him anymore is enough. But we have been conditioned to believe it has to be "leave or die" before its ok.

[HerMammy]

Am I correct that he sleeps on the sofa? but comes into your bed for sex?
I was going to say he takes cocklodger to new levels but lodgers at least pay rent!
Just get rid, hes living free of charge with on tap sex and is minging into the bargain, why are you with him??
➡️🗑

[Adversane]

@ButterflyBitch

I’ve got the ick and I’m not married to him. Eurgh. Get rid. Sex pest and hardly showers 🤢 make plans and leave him.

This absolutely

LT (stinky)B

[Lineofconcepcion]

@AlCalavicci

You are so far past ikc that it is a spot on the horizon in the rear view mirror !

The no showering , not changing clothes , not getting up is slob like and disgusting.
But the lewd remarks , and unwanted groping would earn him very short shrift from me .
You say it is your place , if you think a threat will really change him tell him to shape himself within a week ( and not revert back ) or he is getting the boot , be firm if he has not changed a lot after a week pack his stuff and chuck him out and change the locks

Absolutely this.

[000Dandelion000]

Yes he with come to bed for sex then back to game then sleep. He wasnt like this to begin with. And i dont remember things getting this bad until i realise i feel sick

[Regularsizedrudy]

Oh my Christ! So he waddles up to your bedroom after not washing for WEEKS(?!) gives his penis a little dip in the sink and you HAVE SEX WITH HIM!? 🤢 Three times a week?!!?

[PickAChew]

I have the ick and have probably never met him.

[Backtoblack1]

🤣🤣🤣

[thequeenoftarts]

Thankfully things are changing and women have more of a say and access to money, access to help lines, even places like this help hugely for support. I was 17 when I got with him, straight away he banned me from talking to other men - be they friends or even an ex from when I was 16 lol. His sulking and mood swings weren't worth it. I was constantly accused of having affairs, I was conditioned and bullied into just being submissive and always in the wrong. I had no income of my own and no way out. I got with him cos I thought he had money and was safe, I never loved him.
I came from a chaotic family life and walked right into another trap thinking he was my way out.

I really really really wish schools would teach girls about self worth, how to leave relationships and how to live and survive alone and how to walk away and get help..Screw religion, and screw advanced maths etc, if you have a poor upbringing with parents that don't care you are far more likely to end up in an abusive relationship.

[PinkNails1]

Has he always been like this? Is he unemployed because he lost his job due to the current economy, or has he not worked in a long time?

You shouldn’t have to ask a grown man to shower everyday and wake up in the morning. You need to be direct and tell him that his unhygienic lazy habits disgust you and he needs to leave.

[StormBaby]

Oh that is gross, you poor thing. Get rid 🙀