Is he an arsehole? Or am I being a fool?

[imabarbiegirl]

We have had a on/off thing for a while but it's off now.
I wanted a relationship and he wanted to sleep with anything with a pulse,he didn't care what they looked like,if they were married etc.
He would even flirt with men if they showed him attention.
He told me he wanted no ties etc
This is what wound me up..
He said "Louise" (his daughter ) told me I need to knock this on the head and finally settle down and stop being so wild.
So I responded "yes Louise is very sensible for her age,you are wild and you deffo need to settle down"(him knowing I had wanted that for so long )
He replied "so I'm now going on a date next week"
I said "a date ? We are in lockdown,I thought you didn't date?"
He said a socially distanced walk in the park and he wasn't even looking forward to it..I asked why he was going and he said Louise has spoken.
A week later we were texting and he said he was getting ready to go out,I asked him was it his date and he didn't reply.
1 min later he writes on Facebook
"Off for my date,me being me we will be checking in at New York tomorrow,can't wait"
Then on this "date" posting pics on Snapchat of him and this woman (it's a woman he told me had been after him for a year and he didn't fancy her and she was annoying)
After the date he said "I didn't like her,not to worry two more dates next week,don't be jealous tho"
I didn't reply
Is he a arsehole for rubbing it in my face like this?

It's the tactic of hot and cold. Lovebomb you and then devalue you.

It's a very effective way of getting someone hooked, and it's more like an addiction/co-dependence than it is genuine love/affection.

Google "intermittent reinforcement". While this man may not have been an abuser in the conventional sense, he's used the same sort of techniques consciously or unconsciously.

He does it to all the women in his thrall - makes them all feel amazing and special and then pulls the rug out and treats them like absolute crap until he pushes them far enough to end things. I imagine he probably reels them back in if he can, as he's done with you before. Truth is, none of you are special to him. You're just toys to break.

I wonder if he has tried to make contact somehow since you blocked him? I'd

I actually think it's something he's done many times tbh.
There's a pattern with him.
I was stupid thinking it was different with me.

I actually think it's something he's done many times tbh. You don't just think it, you know it.

You posted:
I know one girl who is a nurse (bright funny etc ) was "seeing " him and wanted a relationship but he didn't.
He told me she messaged him one day asking what he was up too...he sent her a pic in bed with a woman.
He said she never messaged him again

He has done extremely similar things to you, yet you've kept going back for more. Hopefully you won't any more.

@imabarbiegirl

I actually think it's something he's done many times tbh. There's a pattern with him. I was stupid thinking it was different with me.

It's a cycle - see diagram.

He will do this to all women he wants to. If he does it to 10 and 5 tell him to fuck off because he's a dick, he knows the 5 who didn't do that are ones who tolerate terrible behaviour.

Then he'll do something a bit worse and another 2 might piss off and so on and so on. Because he's always adding new ones to the mix, there are infinite women he can try this on so he's always got a few of the ones who tolerate it on the go.

Don't let him reel you back in and make a mug of you again.

This is a bullet dodged and hopefully a lesson learned.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think you should crack on and remain obsessed with him. It isn't as if you are missing out on the chance to date a decent man.
Plus, your friends must be on tenterhooks waiting for the next exciting installment. This stuff never gets old for friends.

@youvegottenminuteslynn so strange you should say that as when of these girls got into a relationship I was over the moon ..only to find out a new one had popped up etc etc

[quote imabarbiegirl]@youvegottenminuteslynn so strange you should say that as when of these girls got into a relationship I was over the moon ..only to find out a new one had popped up etc etc
[/quote]
These type of people always have someone else (at least one) waiting in the wings when they get bored of doing that cycle in the image I showed with the same person. He's so basic textbook it's embarrassing for him, what a loser!

If you’re going into relationships wondering if you’re good enough for the guy, you’ve already got it back to front. The question should always be - is he good enough for me?

It seems like there's so many sensible women on here ...than there's me.
I've made myself look so stupid.
If I had just walked away months ago I wouldn't have looked so pathetic

At least you have walked away now x

What good is ruminating and analysing everything going to do? just keep him blocked and don't go there again it's simple.

You really do need to work on your self esteem though OP before you try meeting someome. If that was healthy you wouldn't entertain barrel scrapings like him in the first place.

You will never find a decent man if you are allowing yourself to be treat like this. Wonder how he would feel if you were going on a date.

He will be kept blocked and I'm gonna stop analysing it because it isn't helping is it
Me thinking about it isn't going to change anything

Good for you op.

He sounds immature, boring and crawling with allsorts.

@imabarbiegirl

It seems like there's so many sensible women on here ...than there's me. I've made myself look so stupid. If I had just walked away months ago I wouldn't have looked so pathetic

We aren't sensible. We've just been there and / or we are looking from the outside.

@imabarbiegirl

He will be kept blocked and I'm gonna stop analysing it because it isn't helping is it Me thinking about it isn't going to change anything

Don't be hard on yourself - the guy has no shortage of victims.No negative self talk! It's really difficult when you're living it.

It would be a good idea if you could really think about why you stuck it out and what's behind that, whether it's low self worth or damaged boundaries, toxic upbringing, abusive history etc. Then work on building up your "shark cage" www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/ so that blokes like this don't get anywhere with you in future.

@category12 I was caring alone for my mum and wanted an escape.
She had cancer and dementia so it was a horrible time.
I had quit my job a year ago to look after her.
She was only late 50s.
Then I met him and he gave me all this attention and going on dates and I was happy after being so upset for so long.
Then he changed on me,so I tried harder and then he would speak to me like crap.
Then my mum died late august and he was nasty to me again(I won't bore you with the details )
I text him the day of her funeral,he read it and ignored me.
Then I ended up apologising (I did nothing wrong ) then this ..
He knew I was heartbroken after loosing my mum,he knew it was just me and he couldn't even be a friend.
Fair enough he didn't want me as a GF but not even a friend was hard to take.

Sorry for the long post.
I know myself I'm really sad lately and I just miss the way he was at first.
He made me feel like I was worth something then after this I feel like I'm not worth anything or he wouldn't have done it.

I went out with a narcissist like this once - really lovely in the beginning, make you feel amazing but then tear you apart later . I was a mess after and lost my self esteem for years . I still look back and wonder why I didn’t see what he was like ( he was really horrible about other people in his comments and behaviour) I wouldn’t repeat the mistake again ! It’s easy to be drawn in by these people - they are like one of those Venus fly traps that look inviting until you get near and then they snap you in half .

It's not you, it's him. What a bastard not to even text back on your mum's funeral day. He's absolute dirt, not worth a single tear.

Sorry for your loss.

You need to find some anger and realise your worth, OP. Unfortunately he was a shark, a predator, who got you at a vulnerable time. It's nothing to do with you, it's just what he does.

@imabarbiegirl

Sorry for the long post. I know myself I'm really sad lately and I just miss the way he was at first. He made me feel like I was worth something then after this I feel like I'm not worth anything or he wouldn't have done it.

Don't compare yourself to this creature, OP. He really is the scum at the edge of your life, that you need to flush away and never think of again.

Please value yourself more my dear. What you did for your mother at a time she really needed you - that must have been so very hard - must have taken love and courage every single day. The person who YOU are is worth more than him, or anyone in the future like him and deserves someone who will care for and respect her in a way this idiot is incapable of doing. Take care of you. 🌹

I can't wait for the day I look back at this and just laugh.
I don't wish bad things on anyone but I really hope one day when he's all alone he regrets how he's treated people (not just me ) people who have treated him well ..just for him to shit all over them.

HIs name doesnt begin with R does it? Sound frighteningly familiar to someone I know....

No it doesn't begin with r.
A for arsehole tho